Very, very good on the decision to move, lady. I know what you mean about being emotionally conflicted re moving because of your background with your mom, but personally, I am a HUGE believer in "Feng Shui Light", if you will. No, I don't think your Luck and Qi will flow down your shower drains if you forget to stop them up when not in use and all that nonsense, but the simple fact is that if you hate your own four walls and/or location and/or the place is okay but holds hugely negative memories for one, you gotta go - just because that is negative emotional weight nobody needs.
The first house hubby and I had just after marriage almost cost us our marriage - I was thaaaaaat close to leaving. Sounds really shallow from me but OMG, I literally cried and sobbed in our first place, endlessly. Not in front of him - that transmuted to anger in his presence, but if my mom hadn't been there (on the phone, as she didn't live in NJ) constantly to pick me up and put me back together again, I would have walked. Hubby bought a house without any consultation from me at all - he proposed with a ring in one hand and a book of photos in another in my little apartment in Germany - truth. Being a child of poverty until I moved to Europe, I thought this was the coolest Thing - being able to move into a real, We Own It house, so I wasn't primed to hate it at all, quite the opposite. Then I got to see it...
It was old, drafty, tiny, and located in a near-ghetto neighborhood (it was mixed-races, lest you think I mean black, but the malaise and poverty were the same). In the summer we fried, in the winter I watched the cold blow the curtains around, the carpeting was a health code disaster, the kitchen subfloor grew mushrooms, and it had frequent bouts of ant swarms. The slate roof had holes where you could see sky. Just starting out, we had no money for repairs save the ones like shrink-wrapping windows in plastic to stop our utility money from leaking out. The only thing I learned from that place is what I would never again tolerate in a house except in case of zombie apocalypse, and that I would need the strength of will to seriously oppose hubby at times - he is a steamroller when he gets something into his head.
The second house we bought was 1000% better in all respects. We bought that one together. At that point, it just became a question of running out of room for our family of six, and whether we wanted to stay in NJ.
So, badger, when the time is right financially, go and get a place that you would actually WANT to come home to.
Last edited by Crabbcakes; 07-29-2013 at 08:13 AM.
I have a mantra that I have spouted for years... "If I eat right, I feel right. If I feel right, I exercise right. If I exercise right, I think right. If I think right, I eat right..." Phil-SC