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Thread: waiting for the whoosh - badgergirl's journal page 56

  1. #551
    Dhansakdave's Avatar
    Dhansakdave is offline Senior Member
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    Primal Fuel
    Quote Originally Posted by ssn679doc View Post
    I thinks you are blessed beyond measure....
    +1 big style, thankful for mercies and stuff, glad you're still with us.

  2. #552
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    badgergirl is online now Senior Member
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    It's difficult for the non-terminally (I choose my words carefully) depressed to understand, but even in the happiest moments, there's a base note, a whiff of: it'd be so much easier not to. Now, I don't - to be alive is to have responsibilities to others - but that's not to say that I enjoy, more than the thought of rest, fulfilling obligations.

    I was never a joyful child - my first training-wheel effort at dying was at 11 or thereabouts - but I do understand that now I'm here I have to see it through. Of course, New Age Guru mother says that people who wish for death get cancer and that if you top yourself you only have to come back and do it all again and until my 20s that did rather keep my feet on the ground - the fear of having to live the years I'd already done.

    Husband begged me to push him under a train. I think, more or less, we understand each other. Sometimes I am just like Crooked Finger (possibly my most favourite film ever):
    My journal: http://www.marksdailyapple.com/forum/thread60211.html Into RPG table top games? Check out FateStorm!

  3. #553
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    on the mend


    I sent this to best friend and Bee, a woman I adore, but rarely speak too, because, reasons and life and stuff.

    I'm very, very tired (had a broken night last night) and I'm still coughing and snotty, but I think tomorrow will be much better. Husband is off to roleplay in a minute and I'm going to bed with a book. I don't begrudge him his friend time, but just one Friday night it'd be nice to do something fun instead of going to bed alone (at the moment he's out three nights a week and I'm feeling a bit abandoned - ironic, given how close we came to break up).

    (more wise owl here)
    Last edited by badgergirl; 05-10-2013 at 02:02 AM. Reason: added Boggle url.
    My journal: http://www.marksdailyapple.com/forum/thread60211.html Into RPG table top games? Check out FateStorm!

  4. #554
    NZ primal Gwamma's Avatar
    NZ primal Gwamma is offline Senior Member
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    Huge hugs Badger - just because I don't know what else to offer, and when I was in desperate need, some of my so called friends - crossed the street to avoid me rather than give me a hug.................................so huge hugs..... xxxxx
    "never let the truth get in the way of a good story "

    ...small steps....

  5. #555
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    Thank you, Gwamma. All hugs appreciated, always.

    I have really great friends, at least three of whom I LOVE, sadly most of them live very, very far away. And it's a thing with me that when I need my friends most I hide myself away from them, which is very easy to do when they are very far away. It also happens that, on occasion, friends have tried to say either 'I think you're being over dramatic' or 'have you tried XYZ?' - now, these things were said with love and mainly because I had not quite fully explained things, but still, I curled up like a salted slug and couldn't tell the friend why. When I did finally explain the situation fully (no, I really can't move home, I really am stuck here, the chances are that this visit home will be the last time I see my dad and so on...) my friends go quiet, because, it is fucking bleak and no one can say otherwise. Until husband gets a job life will continue to be very tough. We could take small boy out of Hogwarts, which is what everyone else tells us to do, but that would remove the one thing that gives this sacrifice some kind of meaning. I get tired trying to explain that, too. It's yet another side effect of being far away - everything needs explanatory contexualising, which is tiring...

    But then. Part of this is just me. I get bleak sometimes. This period has been perhaps the longest and it's not over yet, but I keep on going.
    My journal: http://www.marksdailyapple.com/forum/thread60211.html Into RPG table top games? Check out FateStorm!

  6. #556
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    So... I got some grief over on the Christian fundamentalist, misogynist wingnut's porn thread. He called me a sea cow! This tickled me no end because, hello, now I'm a mermaid and I'm supposed to be insulted? Anyway, husband asked why I was chuckling and then I turned off the laptop and we went to bed to play My Little Manatee.
    My journal: http://www.marksdailyapple.com/forum/thread60211.html Into RPG table top games? Check out FateStorm!

  7. #557
    NZ primal Gwamma's Avatar
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    I was wondering what a seacow is ?????? and then I clicked - a manatee............cutest things ever.....

    and that op possibly has SP syndrome (and the P doesn't stand for person!)
    "never let the truth get in the way of a good story "

    ...small steps....

  8. #558
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    I always avoid the two blatant misogynists on these forums. People with whom I am just in disagreement don't really bother me, even if I give them a hard time occasionally. But haters, I just can't abide - they're too ignorant and stupid to be worthy of my time.

    I got to SCUBA near manatees once. It was so cool. It was also the day I learned I get nose bleeds much lower than 10 feet. So much for that hobby.

    For you badgergirl:
    "Right is right, even if no one is doing it; wrong is wrong, even if everyone is doing it." - St. Augustine

    B*tch-lite

  9. #559
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    Gwamma, that chappie is as crazy as a sack of snakes - he thinks women who don't have a child are 'barren' among other equally as unpleasant and women-fearing/loathing sentiments. He's either trolling or deranged.
    My journal: http://www.marksdailyapple.com/forum/thread60211.html Into RPG table top games? Check out FateStorm!

  10. #560
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    I reported him. Not for the insult, but for the 'I looked for your pictures' comment. That was creepy and, as on MDA people are very open about posting pictures of their bodies, it's supposed to be a supportive, safe place. So, looking for pictures so that we can mock you? Not okay.

    Also, thanks Joanie!


    (http://calmingmanatee.com/)
    Last edited by badgergirl; 05-11-2013 at 02:51 PM.
    My journal: http://www.marksdailyapple.com/forum/thread60211.html Into RPG table top games? Check out FateStorm!

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