waiting for the whoosh - badgergirl's journal page 5

[badgergirl]

and what about food and movement today?
B: two eggs, scrambled w/butter and milk, 2 walnuts, teaspoon of peanut butter
L: chicken breast salad with spinach, tomatoes, sweet potato and pumpkin (we went out for lunch)
D: steak, carrots, broc, green beans, tomatoes, onion, pineapple ring, small glass of port
Fitday makes it 1780 calories: F: 43% 86g P: 34% 145g C: 17% 81g A: 6%
Walked for an hour and twenty minutes. Planning some weights soon, but quite sore in places from yesterday's small efforts.

[badgergirl]

Fitday's down, so I'll have to do this without calorie and macro breakdowns...
B: 2 eggs scrambled w/butter, 2 walnuts, teaspoon p'nut butter
L: beef chilli
D: thai green curry - cream, coconut milk, chicken drumstick, Ayam's paste, red capsicum, peas, carrots (husband made this, hence the additional ingredient oddities) over steamed brocolli, glass of wine
Walked for an hour and ten. Will do weight exercises later.
Bit sad that my long, heartfelt progress report didn't get any comments. Feel like it's a bit Norma no-mates around here, but daily menus are hardly gripping reading. Still no word on the interview. Best (but very distant) friend is in the early stages of ending a 20-year marriage. Sadness is catching.
ETA
Fitday says today was huge!
F: 57 C: 15 P: 16 A: 12
Calories: 1752 - this may be an underestimate as the husband's cooking is always slightly anxiety inducing.

[Louisa655]

Badgegirl: I read your post and found it interesting. Just a quick comment that longs posts are easier to read when you insert paragraphs (hint hint).

Sorry for your friend ending her marriage -- breakups are tough.

Keeping fingers crossed on your job situation.

Cheers,

[badgergirl]

Badgegirl: I read your post and found it interesting. Just a quick comment that longs posts are easier to read when you insert paragraphs (hint hint).

Sorry for your friend ending her marriage -- breakups are tough.

Keeping fingers crossed on your job situation.

Cheers,

Done! Thanks, Louisa. Yes, marriage break ups are hard and, I find, given that my own marriage isn't exactly a bed of roses, I spend hours wondering if we'd be better off apart. Ugh. Poor husband, it doesn't take much to make me question the validity of his love for me and mine for him.
I see from your stats you're a tall girl too. I always get excited IRL when I spot a fellow girl giant. First I check her feet to see if she's cheating. If she's wearing flats and is still my height or taller I'm thrilled. And then I start checking her out - bone structure, figure, whether she looks comfortable with her height...a lot of us tallies don't dress too well or stand straight (me included: I slump). The sheer variety of shapes and builds is fascinating to me.
Anyway, I digress, thank you for commenting and reading and good luck in meeting your goals.

[badgergirl]

Today was an odd one for meals and emotions. My coworker, who I am close to, passed on a message to me that her mum died overnight. Not wholly unexpected, but still horribly sad. And I am sad for her. And with griefs that touch, but don't impinge, one thinks more about one's own griefs and situation. Coworker's mother was two years older than my distant, stroke recovering, much loved and missed dad... My day of grieving will come soon, I fear, and I will have to jump on a plane for a trip of sadness on a flight I cannot currently afford. I don't know - all around me there seems to be whirlwinds of destruction wreaking havoc on those that are near and those that are dear.

And, freakishly, as I typed the above my mother's day ring just snapped at the point where I had it enlarged. Hmm. I'm hoping that the destruction I'm witnessing in their lives and my own is creative destruction - the kind that levels the ground so that something new can be built.

More prosaically, here are the strange meals of the badger:
B: three bacon rashers, four walnuts, teaspoon of peanut butter
L: one bacon rasher and a lick of the chicken liver pate spoon, pan and stick blender (I made 1.6kg of pate, now in the freezer in 200g containers for lunches for the next few weeks)
D: green thai curry sauce - basically the spices, the cream and the coconut milk and a few veggies that poured out of the pan first - two glasses of merlot
Fitday says: 1404 calories
F: 61% 91g P: 13% 43g C: 11% 38g A: 15%

In contrast to all the sadness, I've been smiling today at the thought of the two times in my life when I successfully fasted. The first was when I got my A Level results and, in shock and horror, didn't eat for three days as some kind of protest at the unfairness of the universe. The second was when, at university (yes, I did get there despite being told I wouldn't by my 6th Form head, bastard), I spent 48 hours in bed with a very handsome chap who was young and dumb and, well, you can imagine that I helped relieve him of the third affliction.

Those were happy days.

Also, today I bought lamb necks for curries and an ox tongue for braising in the slow cooker. Tonight I will make a huge vat of yoghurt. So, it's not all doom and gloom.

Meanwhile, in shallow land, husband says stomach is more toned and inner thighs are somewhat reduced. There are a pair of ultra skinny trews in the cupboard that do not yet fit...

[RaeVynn]

I have enjoyed wandering through your journal. I am also a lover of Vibrams (I now have six pair, and they are nearly the only shoe I wear to work - or anywhere - regardless of what my coworkers say).

I think you are doing splendid.

[badgergirl]

I have enjoyed wandering through your journal. I am also a lover of Vibrams (I now have six pair, and they are nearly the only shoe I wear to work - or anywhere - regardless of what my coworkers say).

I think you are doing splendid.

Hi RaeVynn, I've made your acquaintance through other threads and liked you there - I'm a prolific lurker and getting braver at posting here, there and everywhere. Thank you for popping in and stopping to say so. The validation is incredibly uplifting...gordon bennett, I'm so shallow and needy!

Right. So. Today I got serious about tongue. Every girl should, I think. Tongue is good. Tongue is juicy. Tongue is primal. Err. Yeah. Anyway, the dog enjoyed the peeled off skin and I'm now the proud owner of a slow cooker full of braised tongue. I checked out Hugh FW's bollito misto recipe and then went completely off piste: port, red wine, carrots, parsnip, thyme, bay leaves, onions, garlic and the tongue. Then I stirred in about 100g of pate just to ramp up the sauce a bit (the port had made it a bit sweet, perhaps).

I also roasted some lamb (1/2 a leg) in the tongue gravy (half a leg in tongue gravy. wow, that sounds...just wow. Actress meet bishop) for tonight's dinner. Along with roasting whatever veg I could find in the fridge.

Today looks like this:
B: two eggs scrambled in butter, tablespoon of peanut butter
L: chicken green thai curry, 2 glasses of wine
D: lamb, beets, brussels, parsnip roasted (man and boy also got carrots, spuds and corn on the cob)

We strolled into town and back - about 30 mins - and I got some mending done that's been mouldering for months. I know jobs like this that sit and fester are bad Feng Shui or whatever and it feels so good to clear them from my neverending to-do list, but sometimes it can take me a long while to get the get up and go to get up and do. Hmmm.

Feeling very marital, for once, as we managed to have a successful date night Saturday. As husband, in a less-than-romantic turn of phrase said, it's the glue that sticks us together. Indeed it is. Also, I got to enter a new activity in Fitday! Very rewarding.

Speaking of Fitday, today looks like this:
1832 calories F: 53% 110g; P: 17% 77g; C: 18% 84g; A: 12%

Woot! I'm a senior

[badgergirl]

Today was another emotionally fraught day. Wrote to best friend, offering love, but professing complete ignorance of the whys and wherefores of her split. This situation is made more complicated - at least in my head - by the fact that I was in love with her for some years and - how did a food diary come to be the place where I bare my soul? - briefly had a relationship with her and her husband. More than a decade and a half has passed since then and much water has flowed under the bridge, but still. I had a somewhat vested interest in their marriage being a grand passion and forever. Also, best friend has been oddly distant/uncommunicative for the last few years. We love each other - fondly, sweetly - but our lives diverged and we cannot seem to explain ourselves to each other anymore. So, writing to her is very difficult.

Coworker's mother's funeral is on Thursday and I shall be attending/travelling to and from from the office with two other coworkers. Coworker will be off all week, understandably, and I shall be picking up her work.

My pub went to press. Printer was late picking up the files because he's had two deaths in his family. We grimaced at each other as I said the necessary words of sympathy.

Still no word on whether or not I'm through to second interview.

Missed husband all day - the joys of having had a nice weekend - and have been feeling in need of hugs and comfort myself, as well as wishing I could hug just about everyone around me and disolve into tears at the sheer pain involved in loving people and how grateful I am that my special people are still on the planet.

It's been four years since we left the UK - sometime this week is the anniversary of that first giant step to Sydney with pup and bub in tow.

B: yoghurt, 1/2 tablespoon of p'nut butter
L: Tongue - this was a failure. I'm going to have to cut it up smaller. The taste is fine, but the texture is, well, tonguey. And I think mushrooms would have been a sensible addition - go far more savoury rather than sweet (with the snips and carrot and port). Hugh FW knew what he was doing when he mixed it in with other meats. It needs something to help break up the rubberiness. Five almonds. Sliver of stilton (work must have had an event at the weekend as there was a cheeseboard in the fridge).
D: tuna with homemade tomato, spinach, capsicum sauce, jalapenos, tablespoon of sour cream, 1/2 cup yoghurt

Walked for an hour and a half. Will do weights once dinner has settled.

Fitday says: calories 1370; F: 50% 77g, P: 26% 88g, C: 16% 57g A: 8% (although this would have cooked out in the sauce)

A note on meal timings: I eat within a 12-hour window during the week and stretch it to a 14-hour fast at the weekends. No idea if this helps - leangains stylee - but thought it was worth mentioning. Also, despite Fitday say it was a low-cal day...I'm completely full. What gives?

Tongue...

[The Tall Tree]

Heavy shit, sister. Good reading, though. That is terribly shallow of me, I know.
I feel like a big pussy for complaining to all and sundry that the river was cold for my swim, and muddy, after hearing of your woes.

[badgergirl]

Heavy shit, sister. Good reading, though. That is terribly shallow of me, I know.
I feel like a big pussy for complaining to all and sundry that the river was cold for my swim, and muddy, after hearing of your woes.

It is rather a lot to be getting on with, isn't it? I find that I'm rather blank on it all, to be honest, I'm not sure why. My emotional responses tend to be rather dulled right up until the moment I'm overwhelmed by them. Friends have remarked that I sometimes (they're kind about it) lack empathy, but I've come to the conclusion that I often lack empathy for myself as well.

Anyway, today was a blank, holding pattern kind of a day. No news of any import and I pootled on a lowish priority project and haunted MDA threads all day before getting stuck on a delayed train - occupational hazzard when one has to rely on Victorian public transport. Days like this are such a waste of life (and lifeforce) and it angers me that I get sucked in so easily. I should be writing a novel or, at the very least, creating an escape route, but no. I sit. I fester.

B: cup of yoghurt, teaspoon of peanut butter, two walnuts
L: beef chilli (with the usual veggies in it)
D: mystery white fish (husband says maybe flathead?) in butter and lemon, green beans, broc, red capsicum, cocoa made with cream

Fitday says: 1378 calories; F: 52% 84g, C: 20% 78g, P: 28% 99g

Fitday is inherently depressing. Any food search reveals page after page of processed nonsense food. An unending list of SAD reasons why people are fat/unhealthy/sick. It's terrifying.

Walked for one hour and 45 minutes. Will do some bodyweight exercises later. Now that original vanity goal has been reached - although it appears that either husband has shrunk one pair of the skinny trews or some evil fairy of girth gain visited in the night - I'm searching for a new goal. I can't decide: ability to do full, proper push ups or visible abs? This seems akin to saying: visit Mars or the moon? But, a reach goal is no bad thing. Gives me something to focus on other than all the stress gubbins and makes me feel a bit more in control of my fate.