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Thread: waiting for the whoosh - badgergirl's journal page 45

  1. #441
    badgergirl's Avatar
    badgergirl is online now Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by YogaBare View Post
    Doing a fellow lurk Love hearing your story.
    I love delurkers. *Hugs* (And hugs to all the lurkers too - I'm easy like that.)

    Hilary Mantel; she's sly. You think you're reading a historical, mainly factual, re-animated story (and you are, brilliantly so) and then she sticks in an authorial stiletto dagger:

    Impatiently she hitched her chair away from the window. All her life she has been a spectator, an onlooker; the role has brought her nothing, not even the gift of philosophical detachment. And study has not brought it, nor self-analysis, nor even, she thought wryly, gardening. Some would think that it ought to come in the course of nature to a woman of thirty-six, a wife and mother. A little calm, a little quiet within – little chance. Even after childbearing, there is blood in your veins, not milk. I am not passive in the face of life, and I do not think I ever will be, and – considering recent events – why should I be?

    Notice the subtle shift in tenses, bringing the denouement to the fore. Notice the forced collusion there; the shift from she to you to I. Now, luckily, I'm not living through the French revolution, but plus ça change, plus c'est la même chose.

    So it is that I've been allowing pillow princess syndrome to seep into every aspect of my life, expecting husband to lay on my pleasures for me. Make my friends for me - after all this is his life we've moved to. No more. I need to take responsibility for making a life for myself. And it is a responsibility, it is work. Going to a concert solo is brave, but not drowning nerves in gin is responsible. As is leaving at an hour that will allow me to get home.

    I've not got a good track record with sensible precautions. It's time to learn.

    I'm home alone for the next four days. This could either be brilliant or a disaster. Send me the strength to make the right choices now no one is watching.
    Last edited by badgergirl; 04-03-2013 at 03:07 PM.
    My journal: http://www.marksdailyapple.com/forum/thread60211.html Into RPG table top games? Check out FateStorm and (in development) Vanguard! 3D printed miniatures for sci-fi RPGs.

  2. #442
    NZ primal Gwamma's Avatar
    NZ primal Gwamma is offline Senior Member
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    I'm lurking too badger - and hugs back to you..........
    G x
    "never let the truth get in the way of a good story "

    ...small steps....

  3. #443
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    ssn679doc is offline Senior Member
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    I was a submariner..... we lurk ALOT..... on purpose...... it's our job! lol

  4. #444
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    Quote Originally Posted by ssn679doc View Post
    I was a submariner..... we lurk ALOT..... on purpose...... it's our job! lol
    Hey doc - how do you pronounce that? Is it sub MARE' iner, or is it sub ma REE' ner?

    And don't laugh - my daddy's background is Army...
    I have a mantra that I have spouted for years... "If I eat right, I feel right. If I feel right, I exercise right. If I exercise right, I think right. If I think right, I eat right..." Phil-SC

  5. #445
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    Quote Originally Posted by Crabbcakes View Post
    Hey doc - how do you pronounce that? Is it sub MARE' iner, or is it sub ma REE' ner?

    And don't laugh - my daddy's background is Army...
    I say sub MARE iner...... because nothin is lower than a Marine! j/k...... I served with Marines and have a son that is a former Marine.... I have nothing but respect for Marines

  6. #446
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    Quote Originally Posted by ssn679doc View Post
    I say sub MARE iner...... because nothin is lower than a Marine! j/k...... I served with Marines and have a son that is a former Marine.... I have nothing but respect for Marines
    Lol - Thanks!
    In the end, all branches get shot at somehow, whether flying, swimming, floating, or marching, so the rest of us don't have to be in the line of fire, so you won't ever hear me badmouth none of them. But that doesn't preclude a good joke here and there...!
    I have a mantra that I have spouted for years... "If I eat right, I feel right. If I feel right, I exercise right. If I exercise right, I think right. If I think right, I eat right..." Phil-SC

  7. #447
    badgergirl's Avatar
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    Oh dear, I say sub-ma-rin-a. There's no hope for me, is there? Also, very happy to hear you're lurking, Doc I'm sure you do it with dash.
    Last edited by badgergirl; 04-04-2013 at 01:58 AM.
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  8. #448
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    Childbirth - the story you were going to get - can wait. Tonight I feel moved to mention the Buddhist co-worker. Now, her faith is not at issue here - atheist myself, faith in general is alien to me, however, whichever flavour a believer chooses is equal to me so long as they don't try to convert me or allow their faith to shape their interactions with others - in fact, I'm not sure what the issue is.

    So, 'Buddhist co-worker' is just a descriptive tag, m'kay?

    I have never, ever met a person so blissfully ignorant. So oblivious. So sheltered. She's so sweet that she gives me a sugar crash - I seem to miss out on the high. She's 30 years old, but presents with all the guile and sophistication of a, let's be generous, 15-year-old Plymouth Brethren. How did this happen?

    The parent in me wants to know so that I can avoid making my own child fundamentally clueless.

    Buddhist co-worker offended someone on the Easter retreat by asking for more information on their family background when they revealed they were partially Aboriginal. Now, I am just another ignorant Brit, but I've learned enough to know to tread extremely carefully in all Indigenous issues.

    The discussion between Buddhist, the little cats and me ebbed and flowed. Buddhist was offended that partial Aboriginal had been offended and was seeking validation from us.

    Eventually, I said: co-worker, it is evident, after even a short acquaintance, that you were the beneficiary of an extremely close, secure family and a happy home when you were growing up. This is a very privileged position and it shapes your world view. It's incredibly difficult to identify privilege in one's own position, but believe me when I tell you that not many people have that same experience and they are operating under a completely different set of assumptions than you are. Personal questions, when one has a challenging background, can trigger far more than you could ever imagine.

    When learning that my brother and I are not genetically connected, people, children, used to ask me/tell me that I could/should marry my brother. That one went down like a lead balloon, let me tell you.
    Last edited by badgergirl; 04-04-2013 at 05:29 PM. Reason: typo
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  9. #449
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    Assault culture (warning: contains mild triggers)

    Most of the time I will tell people, women, when it comes up in conversation (because it does with semi regularity), that I've never been sexually assaulted and how lucky I am in that regard (because I don't do victim blaming, there's no reason to think that I might not be the next one). However, pondering it in the dark insomniac hours of the night, I remembered that this is not exactly true. What I mean is I have never been raped (to my knowledge, though there was that one time I woke up in a half-built hotel lying next to a stranger - I was fully clothed and he was far more scared than I was, make of that what you will). However, I have been a victim of sex crime, albeit on the mild end of the spectrum. And then the brain started to fizz, as it does in the witching hour, and tried to join the various dots. I'm not sure what the picture's meant to be, but it sure is ugly.

    I was 14 or 15, but I think 14. Beauty therapist (for she was always a beauty therapist, even then) and I somehow - I forget how this came about - got a job share on a market stall. Billy sold net curtains off the roll, chintzy cushion covers and the pads to stuff them as well as taking orders for slip covers for three-piece suites. Our job was to help him set up the stall, help him serve customers and write the signs - I got the feeling he was illiterate. I quite liked the work - putting the stall together was a bit like setting up a tent - the market was quite lively and I have no problem writing signs.

    Beauty therapist began to tell me about the odd things Billy did on her days. Asking her questions about her virginity and bra size. It gradually escalated as the weeks went by, but for some reason no one took her seriously; not me, not her mum, not my mum. And then it started with me. Rubbing my back to see if I was wearing a bra. Nothing too untoward, but certainly not appropriate.

    It was raining. The stall was under its tarpaulin covers. Billy sat on a stool at one end, I was standing at the other. I looked over and he was tossing himself off while looking at me. I was, as you would be, very freaked out. Beauty had been telling me this for weeks, but now it was real and it was really happening. Later, he gave me some money and asked me to get him some cigarettes. I used the time to also find a payphone (no mobiles back then) and call home. I spoke to my mother and asked her to come and get me. I did not want to ride home in the lorry cab with Billy. I did not feel safe.

    This is the bit that has adult me saying what the effing eff? MY MOTHER TOLD ME TO STAY THERE AND PRETEND NOTHING HAD HAPPENED. So I did. At the end of the drive home, Billy gave me an extra tenner 'for not complaining...about the weather.'

    I went straight into the corner-shop and spent the extra money on chocolate. I then went and sat in the bath and ate my chocolate. And cried.

    My father went to the market the next day and had polite words with Billy. I never went back.

    The messaging I got from my parents was that he was a rather sad man - still living with his mum in a caravan - rather poor and should be pitied. To which the adult me, again, says what...the effing...eff?

    Two disconnected, until last night, memories also floated to the surface.

    First. Sitting with my female relatives in our living room and each of them - mother, aunts, grandmother - recounting with grim humour stories of the flashers, gropers and fiddlers they had met as young women. It was presented, by them, as a sort of necessary rite of passage - akin to menstrual cramps or any other unpleasant side effect of XX chromosomes.

    Second. My father telling me of a female staff member, he was working on the ferries at the time, who was working with the men (instead of in the girly clerical office) who was being 'hazed' or whatever the English word for this would be. Harassment sounded closer to the truth to me. His story culminated with one of the men tapping her shoulder (she must have been crouched down to get something out of a cupboard or similar) with his penis. All power to teenage me: 'Dad, that's sexual assault. Dad, that's completely and utterly wrong. You'd be horrified if someone did that to me.' Thinking back now, perhaps he was trying to get a sense of just how uneasy he should be; he must have been uneasy or why discuss it with me? That's the hopeful interpretation. I wonder now how he responded to the men and the woman when he went to work - did my words, my physical revulsion, make any difference? Did he have a quiet word with the perpetrator of this 'joke'? Or was he simply trying to wise me up a little and warn me away from 'men's jobs'? The mind reels. Penis man should have been sacked. On the spot. Gross misconduct. And then the police should have been called.

    What kind of world do we live in? No, I haven't been assaulted. I'm lucky. Where does the push-back begin? How can we make a difference? I'll tell you, I'm pushing back, but I've not seen it make the blindest bit of difference.
    Last edited by badgergirl; 04-04-2013 at 04:45 PM.
    My journal: http://www.marksdailyapple.com/forum/thread60211.html Into RPG table top games? Check out FateStorm and (in development) Vanguard! 3D printed miniatures for sci-fi RPGs.

  10. #450
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    I love how when a man behaves "inappropriately" to varying degrees, there is always some form of blame placed on the woman. "She shouldnt have walked home along", "She shouldn't have had those tequilas", "She shouldn't have fallen asleep".

    Society has a long, long way to go.
    "I think the basic anti-aging diet is also the best diet for prevention and treatment of diabetes, scleroderma, and the various "connective tissue diseases." This would emphasize high protein, low unsaturated fats, low iron, and high antioxidant consumption, with a moderate or low starch consumption.

    In practice, this means that a major part of the diet should be milk, cheese, eggs, shellfish, fruits and coconut oil, with vitamin E and salt as the safest supplements."

    - Ray Peat

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