waiting for the whoosh - badgergirl's journal page 16

[badgergirl]

No more potatoes. Possibly ever. Feel gross and sick to my stomach. So, I'm a wuss, less than 48 hours and I know I will never attempt anything as mad ever again. Lesson learned. Husband is making a nice omelette and I just ate an apple. I'm really, really looking forward to eating a mixed meal.

There's yoghurt - brewing, fermenting, lactosing? - in the oven and I'm very excited to be back on my usual plan. Perhaps the potatoes helped after all, broke me out of destructo-eating by the sheer lunacy?

It's been a tough weekend all round with much tearing of hair and raging at my fate. I really pity the husband. I am not an easy woman to love.

[badgergirl]

More of the same today. Primal foods; but not weight loss quantities, particularly that 70% chocolate. Gradually returning to sanity, with intermittent raging. Took a mental health day and did some cooking and cleaning, both of which help me to feel more grounded. I now have a yummy frittata thing to take for lunch for the next few days and a vast quantity of work-friendly coleslaw (no onion, just cabbage, carrot and sour cream) to go with the vat of yoghurt that set overnight.
Steak and salad for dinner.
Banana and chocolate for lunch.
Scramble eggs for breakfast.
No exercise to speak of, unless I break out the weights tonight.

It was 26 and sunny today, supposed to be 30 for the next two days, but I have friends in NYC as well as NY State and my thoughts are with them in the wind and rain. Not to mention my chronic homesickness for grey, damp, dark Blighty. Made husband swear that if in a year's time we're in the same position as we are now we'll go back to the UK. I'm really over being the sole breadwinner, particularly as my career continues to fester rather than thrive and the husband's appears to be completely dead. Time was he was winning Oscars and I was working for a global PR agency. Truly, this is a penal colony.

[Annieh]

At least when all else is dull, you can be kind to yourself by eating well. Meal plan sounds great, wishing you a good sleep tonight and another primal day tomorrow.

[badgergirl]

food non-primal. another sanity day, by which I suppose I mean insanity day...
But. But.

Best friend asks why the hell we haven't written anything yet. She's by far the cleverer of us and the more gifted.

I respond: lots of reasons. By which I mean fear, inadequacy, busy doing other things.

But. She has a point. I can write erotica that will really get you off. Truly. Fuck fifty shades: I can make your hair curl and steam come out of every pore. Just with words without voice: letters on the cold, crisp page. Can you imagine what I can do with my tongue? With the touch of the tips of my hair as I lean over you to touch you with my tongue? The power of the absolutely right and totally fresh conceit; the image that strips away the distance between thought and action.

Drip. Drip. Drip.

I'm thinking.

And my thoughts can wear away the hardest stone.

[badgergirl]

backson. Or not. We'll see.

[badgergirl]

Today was the first day in about six weeks that I followed this whole thing by by both the letter and the spirit of the laws. A lot can be undone in six weeks and I suspect that I won't be back to where I was six weeks ago - given we're fast approaching Christmas - until well into 2013.

In other areas of life, I'm also faced with the unwelcome task of unpicking work I've laboured over, but to no good end. The hexagons of doom have not come together as anticipated and need to be reassembled in a more symmetrical pattern. Here are the before shots to record where I got up to before setting to work with the seam ripper (sob):

and

Fail again. Fail better.

A huge part of my recent undoing has been the emotional turmoil and dismay. This feels like it's on the mend with the symbolic purchase of a green leather chesterfield sofa. To get all Feng Shui - ugh - this is a huge commitment to family togetherness as we will be able to sit together again in the living room for the first time since leaving Sydney three and a half years ago. I've been lusting after a leather Chesterfield, particularly a green one, for a number of years. In many ways, then, this feels like the first tiny step towards establishing a home here.

And home is vitally important to me, so why I've been martyring myself for so long is a very good question, which I find hard to answer. Motherhood comes first, always, but home-making is a huge part of mothering and I've felt unable to do that here - for numerous practical and seemingly pressing reasons.

So. The three-seater is very much a BIG deal. And while it was a huge expense, it was also a Gumtree bargain of some considerable magnitude. Where there's a will, clearly...



Now I must get busy with the quick-unpick and then get back to work to finish this fucker because I also have plans gestating for my next patchwork project: a quilt of my own (to adorn the back of the chesterfield and be placed over knees when winter rolls round again).

[Annieh]

Sad to have to undo work, you must be learning lots of patience
Enjoy your family couch.

[badgergirl]

There was cheese at work today along with lots of other leftovers. I was very restrained in comparison to recent times, but still it was probably too much cheese. Breakfast was yoghurt, walnuts and coffee. Cheese and dried fruit, a few hazelnuts. Lunch was pate and celery. For dinner I had homemade baba ganoush and Greek salad followed by yoghurt. Tomorrow is the race that stops the nation - the Melbourne Cup - so I get the day off work. Hurrah.

[Crabbcakes]

Your Chesterfield is frickin' AWESOME. If there were some kind of civil unrest in your corner of the world, and I happened to be there, you would SO catch me dragging that sucker down the street as looting booty...

[ssn679doc]

I love the hexagon quilt top.... great colors, but I don't know how you deal with all of those "Y" seams.... they would drive me up the freakin wall! lol