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Thread: Emotional/ Relationship advice page

  1. #1
    sm270's Avatar
    sm270 is offline Junior Member
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    Question Emotional/ Relationship advice

    Primal Fuel
    Hi all,

    Not really a question about being primal but though this would be a nice place to get some advice.

    Clearly I cannot explain in detail me relationship and I know I am 'in the wrong' and my girlfriend has a right to be upset with me but I need some advice with coping with it.

    Ok here goes:
    I am not 26. I had a bit of a rough childhood and from the age of about 12 I started smoking and drinking. At 14 I started smoking cannabis and by 16 I was frequently taking ecstasy. I stopped taking drugs but continued to drink at 18. And then I met my current wonderful girlfriend when I was 22 have stopped with it all. Now lead a 'natural' primal lifestyle with lots of exercise and good 'clean' fun.

    However I have found since about the age of 23. I have not really had any 'feelings' I feel rather numb all the time. If any of you have seen the TV show 'Dexter' I am a bit like that. I remember what emotions are like and my mind tells me when I should be feeling something so I pretend to feel it. I think this could be because of the chemically induced highs I would give myself. Now my natural feeling are not as strong because I have felt 'ecstasy' with drugs.

    This clearly has caused a lot of upset for my girlfriend. As much as I tried to hide it from her. she knows me better than I know myself and she could just tell. So we had a few chats and she has shed many tears while I looked at her completely unable to empathise with anything she was saying.

    I have done some research online and the symptoms of being numb are a sign of depression so after trying to 'cure myself' for about one year (this is how I became primal) I realised not much had changed apart from my physical health. So I decided to go to the doctors and get anti -depressants. The first month I got worse. It was like the anti depressants MADE me depressed. At least before I felt nothing, now I was feeling really low and miserable. some days I couldn't get out of bed. This all effected my girlfriend a lot. She found it hard to see me like that.

    Things then got better and I am now feeling great. I am like happy all the time. But even if I should get upset or angry at something I can't I am in a constant state of thinking everything is wonderful.

    2 weeks ago I went on holiday and last week I came back to work and realised how much I hate my job. Every evening I went home being moody. I withdrew from my girlfriend and became 'cold'
    She has now got really really upset. She says I have gone back to how I was before and that she cannot cope. She spent a while crying and telling me how much I was hurting her. But the icing on the cake was that I was not 'feeling' what she was saying. I was listening and pretending to be interested but I really wasn't I just wanted to go outside and play. And she noticed. She said I didn't care and that she could not believe I was being like that and told me she does not want to speak to me, look at me or be with me and to leave her alone for a few days.

    I have no idea what to do or say. I still do not feel much so I can't apologise she will know it is meaningless. And I know that all of this has been a roller-coaster of emotions for her. I fully appreciate why she is upset and how hard this is on her and how wonderful she is to have stuck with me through this. I just feel like a deflated balloon.

    What do I do? I know I love her because when I am with her it is the only time I feel human and not just a zombie. She is the only one who could make me smile before the pills. Now I smile all the time.

    I guess I do not know why this week I have been so moody when before I was great. I could wake up tomorrow really happy again. But I still wouldn't be able to empathize with the pain I have caused her.....

    Will the anti depressants change that? I only have 2 months left and then I am coming off them.

    Any advice would be appreciated. I know I have not really asked anything. I just needed to 'talk'

  2. #2
    JBailey's Avatar
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    It sounds like maybe you need a break from the relationship. At least until you see how you feel off the meds. It could be you two just aren't cut out for each other long term though. It's tough to face that, but if you can't fix it and you're both not on the same emotional plane, that may be the case.

    I know that anti-depressants can cause as many problems as they help for some people. The feeling good part is nice, but sometimes you 'need' to feel everything. It's nature's way of helping us know that we need to make changes.
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  3. #3
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    It is very possible that the drug use has messed up something firing in your brain and you are numb/damaged (as in, there is actual damage to the chemical function/response of your brain) as a result. If you have not felt a difference on the anti-depressants after a few weeks, I would not continue them, personally.

    I don't have answers for you. I think I understand what you are trying to deal with. You should consider that some of what you are/aren't feeling is due to the way you were raised, as well. Have you considered talk therapy? Sometimes you just need to talk.

    If there is "damage", I feel like you may be helped overtime with a good diet (which you are already doing) and some supplementation (not sure what book to direct you to, but "The Mood Cure" has some good basic info on how amino acids can help/affect depression and mood disorders), you may be able to recover to some degree.
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  4. #4
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    Have you talked to your girlfriend about you feel/don't feel? I have some personal experience with someone who feels the way you do and it CAN work in a relationship. Or it has for me, so far. I think this is something that you could have a calm, rational discussion about whether or not the relationship should continue as you sort yourself out, but the fact that you're having issues should not straight off the bat mean it has to end.
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    Currently trying to figure out WTF to eat (for IBS-C).

  5. #5
    Tom93084's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by sm270 View Post
    Hi all,

    Not really a question about being primal but though this would be a nice place to get some advice.

    Clearly I cannot explain in detail me relationship and I know I am 'in the wrong' and my girlfriend has a right to be upset with me but I need some advice with coping with it.

    Ok here goes:
    I am not 26. I had a bit of a rough childhood and from the age of about 12 I started smoking and drinking. At 14 I started smoking cannabis and by 16 I was frequently taking ecstasy. I stopped taking drugs but continued to drink at 18. And then I met my current wonderful girlfriend when I was 22 have stopped with it all. Now lead a 'natural' primal lifestyle with lots of exercise and good 'clean' fun.

    However I have found since about the age of 23. I have not really had any 'feelings' I feel rather numb all the time. If any of you have seen the TV show 'Dexter' I am a bit like that. I remember what emotions are like and my mind tells me when I should be feeling something so I pretend to feel it. I think this could be because of the chemically induced highs I would give myself. Now my natural feeling are not as strong because I have felt 'ecstasy' with drugs.

    This clearly has caused a lot of upset for my girlfriend. As much as I tried to hide it from her. she knows me better than I know myself and she could just tell. So we had a few chats and she has shed many tears while I looked at her completely unable to empathise with anything she was saying.

    I have done some research online and the symptoms of being numb are a sign of depression so after trying to 'cure myself' for about one year (this is how I became primal) I realised not much had changed apart from my physical health. So I decided to go to the doctors and get anti -depressants. The first month I got worse. It was like the anti depressants MADE me depressed. At least before I felt nothing, now I was feeling really low and miserable. some days I couldn't get out of bed. This all effected my girlfriend a lot. She found it hard to see me like that.

    Things then got better and I am now feeling great. I am like happy all the time. But even if I should get upset or angry at something I can't I am in a constant state of thinking everything is wonderful.

    2 weeks ago I went on holiday and last week I came back to work and realised how much I hate my job. Every evening I went home being moody. I withdrew from my girlfriend and became 'cold'
    She has now got really really upset. She says I have gone back to how I was before and that she cannot cope. She spent a while crying and telling me how much I was hurting her. But the icing on the cake was that I was not 'feeling' what she was saying. I was listening and pretending to be interested but I really wasn't I just wanted to go outside and play. And she noticed. She said I didn't care and that she could not believe I was being like that and told me she does not want to speak to me, look at me or be with me and to leave her alone for a few days.

    I have no idea what to do or say. I still do not feel much so I can't apologise she will know it is meaningless. And I know that all of this has been a roller-coaster of emotions for her. I fully appreciate why she is upset and how hard this is on her and how wonderful she is to have stuck with me through this. I just feel like a deflated balloon.

    What do I do? I know I love her because when I am with her it is the only time I feel human and not just a zombie. She is the only one who could make me smile before the pills. Now I smile all the time.

    I guess I do not know why this week I have been so moody when before I was great. I could wake up tomorrow really happy again. But I still wouldn't be able to empathize with the pain I have caused her.....

    Will the anti depressants change that? I only have 2 months left and then I am coming off them.

    Any advice would be appreciated. I know I have not really asked anything. I just needed to 'talk'
    1st forget about your girlfriend. She doesn't matter in the context of this discussion. You've been with her four years, and so what your a bit emotionless. Does this matter to you? Or only your girlfriend?

    1st. Get off the antidepressants, maybe the drugs did screw you up a bit, but I'm pretty sure the anti depressants making you feel happy all the time is just your new drug.

    2nd: Explain to your girlfriend this is how you are. Don't fake emotion around her. Tell her she can accept you or leave.

    3rd: There are people out there who don't have extreme emotions and that's ok. Emotions get a bit more mellow as you age as well. Or maybe your just not that into your girlfriend? Sometimes people just have to move on.

    I think the reason that you don't empathize is because you and your gf are not on the same wavelength. After four years, people either grow together or grow apart. It sounds to me that the things that weren't a big deal in the beginning are becoming a big deal for her as she gets older. That's totally reasonable on her part, and you two just have to move on. Don't take drugs to please her they are almost never the answer.

  6. #6
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    Hey dude, didn't want to read and run, It's kidz bedtime now so hectic for next hour or so, but I'll reply properly later.

    all the best
    You know all those pictures of Adam and Eve where they have belly button? Think about it..................... take as long as you need........................

  7. #7
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  8. #8
    Comma's Avatar
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    Inform yourself on autism and similar- the spectrum is wide. Therapy might help work through that rough childhood- prob have to face that sooner or later. Good luck!

  9. #9
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    If your girlfriend is miserable with you, she should leave. I'd recommend a therapist. Figure out if this part of yourself bothers you, or if you're just bothered that she is upset by it. Two totally different things.

    GAPS diet says it can help heal emotional disorders that are caused by gut inflammation and buildup of toxicity in the brain & elsewhere....for the price of a book, you might get some significant relief.

    From an online article : "The combination of available evidence shows that MDMA use is correlated with a small but significant increase in levels of clinical depression"

    Good luck!

  10. #10
    Tribal Rob's Avatar
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    [Hey, so first a bit about me, I've done my fair share of drugs, starting drinking and smoking at 13, never was a into 'E' plenty of acid, some speed, mushrooms, and of course weed, and a pretty bad habit with solvents at one point too, till a kid in school died from solvent abuse. I have also been through some pretty bleak periods of clinical depression, all is good now, I'm 36, happy, poor, lovely mrs a step son and 2 kick ass little girls of my own.

    So where to start, oh eck. Don't dump the bird just yet, but do talk to her. You clearly feel sorry you have upset her, tell her this. Tell her you think you love her and why. She has stuck by you through a lot, give her the respect to tell her where you are right now. You both need to hear each other and work out where you are going to go with your life together. If she loves you she will give your life together a chance if you are genuine about sorting things out.

    Hell it could be that you don't really love her, and that you haven't clicked with her. I didn't fall in love till I met my current mrs 5 years ago now, oh I had has plenty of long term relationships, I'd said the words, thought I felt them, but I really didn't give that much of a shit, they were all nice girls, got on well with them, but having a friend you f**k is not love. So I wondered if I was numb too, then I met the Mrs, it was love at first sight, and we've been giddy as kippers ever since. So it could be you're an emotional cripple, or it could be you haven't met 'the one' yet, don't burn any bridges till you've both worked it through.

    I think you need to get off these anti-depressants, they don't sound like they are helping you, a differnt type might, but you won't know untill you try them.

    I also think you need to look in to Aspergers syndrome, it could explain why you are not feeling things, and why you turned to drugs (to deal with social anxity and not fitting in)

    You write well, write a letter to your mrs laying out, if you want to give the relationship a go, tell her this, tell her what you need, ask her what she needs. Send it with flowers.

    Finally, I think you may have been suffering with depression for a long time, do you want to sort it out by trying every kind of pill going and staying on them for ever? do you want to use pills as a crutch till you get the rest of your life sorted? Do you want to try alternative remedies, ie st johns wort herbal supplement b-vitamins, lots of sunshine(well cloudshire) and excersie.

    All of these also need you IMHO NEED to sort out the cause of the depression, for some people depression comes with short term stesses they can't control, being cheated on, death of a relative, and passes again once resolved, for others there are deeper causes that need a lot of working through. So to start with sort out your Mrs, then sort out your Job/life then work on what's left.

    Really hope you find your happy place mate
    You know all those pictures of Adam and Eve where they have belly button? Think about it..................... take as long as you need........................

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