Emotional/ Relationship advice page 2

[CarlaC]

Been there!

1. It's likely your drug use was self medicating something- what that was I don't think any of us here can speculate.

2. This is not the girl for you. You are not the person you were a few years ago- clearly. It seems as though you HAVE been really honest with her and although she is (rightfully) upset you seem to respect each other and not be faking anything. However, feeling like you're just going through the motions is only going to get worse and you don't want to be going through a raging midlife crisis at some point, a wife and three kids dependent on you, when the warning signs are all here.

[newmanmelody578]

It seems that you need to pass from your current relationship, because of the vices you have taken during the early age, it will sure affect you, your relationship, and your personality.I think that there is something that bothering you. until you are true to yourself you can come back to a relationship.

[sm270]

wow lots of hard hitting advice. But I do really appreciate all of it. This is what I came on here for.

I went to the park last night after work and played in the rain for about 2 hours. I played like a child on the climbing frames and got completely soaked and had a great time while thinking about all that has been said and how I 'really fee' and what is going on with me.
I do think that the drugs could have caused long term damage with the emotional part of my brain and the aspurges and autism is something I have never thought of. I think I will look into it. And yes I did turn to drugs in my youth as 'self medication'. and Most definitely as a form of escapism from things going on. My childhood wasn't really awful just had an alcoholic step father who would beat my mum. so in the grand scheme of things I know it is not half as bad as what others have had to live through. But I know it has molded my life in many ways.

Anyway I thought about my life without my current gf. and thought a little about how I felt about past gfs and I know I love her. I could not imagine my life without her. So I bought a sun flower and went home soaking wet and told her I was like a sun flower and she was like my sun and that I can only live with her around.

It didnt work right away but eventually she started talking to me and I was honest. I said I am going through a rough patch that I hate my job and that I feel a little bit crazy actually.
She understood and said that before when I was a numb she still loved me because she knew in my own way I loved her also and she could accept that and was happy.
It was me who thought I should change FOR HER. Not because I wanted too.
And we both agreed that is where things have gone wrong. I have gone on anti depressants because I thought it was what she wanted. but now I am up and down and all over the place and she says now I am really artificial. At least before when I smiled and laughed she knew it was real. Now it is like it is not me.

I guess it is hard to see those things in yourself but I agree with her. I think that is why I feel like i am going a little insane. these 'new emotions' I am feeling now are not real. They do not come from me but from the drugs. Sure these are legal ones and the others were just for pleasure but at the end of the day they are the same thing.

So I am going to come off them. She said she loves me and accepts me being a bit of a plank of wood. She said I am like her big gorilla that I always protect her and sure sometimes I sit around eating and not paying much attention or reacting much but that is who she fell in love with.
And to be honest that makes me happy. I want to be her gorilla. I cant think of anything in this world I want more.

And I think from this I have learnt that just like a gorilla I need to spend some time alone and I need to play sometimes.
So I mentioned that from now on I am going to make the effort to spend time alone and she said is good idea. We normally spend ALL of our free time together literally all of it.

[sm270]

The video about Oxytocin is fascinating! made me think of lots of things. Before settling into my relationship I was at uni and then unemployed at the same time. so within about 2 months I got a girlfriend and my first 'proper' post uni job. Before then I used to meet up with friends all the time. I used to go out dancing at least once a week. I would be really social and always out and about. Suddenly i was at work seeing my girlfriend, doing exercise but not much else.
So my oxyocin release has suddenly plummeted!!
I think I need to get a job I like socialise more. get out there more and find ways to get the oxytocin pumping

[Tribal Rob]

I'm glad to hear you are getting a grip on things and being positive. I too need time by myself, even if it's just a walk for an hour, give my brain time to process stuff and think, personally I'd prefere a night or too wild camping, but we take what we can get

[JudyCr]

"Ever since happiness heard your name, it has been running through the streets trying to find you."

You deserve to feel joy.. Gradually get off everything except clean foods, filtered water, plenty of sunshine, exercise & sleep.

Meditate, tell your GF all you've written here, it's obvious you want healing, and you'll get it by living a primal, drug free life.

[JBailey]

Glad to hear you sat down with yourself and sorted out a plan of 'attack'. Sometimes that's enough to get things rolling and life takes it from there. Good luck!

[Imogen]

Woman here.

I agree that dealing with the physical stuff is paramount, and it can take a long time, so go easy on the negative self-talk.

Anyway, since you've already received lots of great advice, I wanted to share what I can, which is that if you love your woman, and you really do, this book will change your perspective and possibly right the issues you two are having. It's called The Way of the Superior Man by David Deida. The Book Depot and Amazon sell it, and it's available online as well. It is a fantastic book. He also wrote Dear Lover, which is written for women. I have benefited immensely from both, and they certainly align with the primal/paleo lifestyle or mindset.

David Deida writes about sexual polarity, and his insights are oftentimes very hard to accept because they are so opposite to what most people in North America learn about masculinity and femininity. But he's right on.

All is not lost. Your attraction to one another is real, and can be pleasantly intensified for both of you, even while you work on other aspects of your healing. I have been married for ten years, and after a very painful decade, I found these books, and literally every complaint and desire I have ever had, is (in essence at least, and often quite literally) covered in this book. I HIGHLY recommend it.

[Grizz]

SM270,

I suggest getting yourself tested for Iodine Deficiency + Bromide/Fluoride Poisoning
Hakala Research - Home

We live in a sea of Halide Toxins that strip iodine out of our brain and from every cell in our body.
Iodine deficiencies & dosages

The brain is especially impacted with depression, ADD, Headaches, Brain Fog, memory problems, even mental retardation. The thyroid is also impacted and the thyroid controls all of our hormones.

The epidemic of iodine deficiency:
Iodine Deficiency - An Under-Recognized Epidemic

For God's sake get off of the anti-depresants ASAP. They will further mess up your brain !

For complete details & doctors reports, see Iodine References:
http://tinyurl.com/iodine-references
Click on the table of contents to navigate.

Grizz

[tomi]

wow --- what a lot of harsh advice you're getting!

I think you should consider seeing a Psychologist. If you had emotions in your younger years, but not now, then there is something causing the block of emotions now. It could have something to do with the difficult childhood, or it could be simply an imbalance of neurotransmitters.

If you love your girlfriend, and she loves you enough to stay with you and help you work this out - then don't let go of her.

The Autism advice is dumb --- autism doesn't suddenly develope as an adult. Get some professional advice --- don't ask a bunch of strangers on a website what they think. Good luck..........