Yeah- honestly, you sound like you are making up excuses not to go. Any July 4th BBQ is going to have non-primal foods. Most of us here on the BB will go and enjoy- the more lax will eat whatever, the stricter will eat the primal foods. We will have fun and most likely we won't notice what people are or are not eating. I was a vegetarian for years and at most gatherings, no one even mentioned it or noticed. I'd skip the hot dogs, and eat potato salad, LOL.
If you want to be social with people the food doesn't matter. If my best friend was having a vegan soy fest, I'd go because I love her. I'd not eat a thing. But I'd go and be happy and enjoy it. If my inlaws were having a primal fest, I'd nitpick and find any excuse not to go....
Everything except the pie.
I can relate very much to the OP. the real issues boil down to the relationship, not the food. If you or someone in the family had a peanut allergy that sent them to the ER, there would be no big deal about providing your own food. The issue seems to be control. I for one am severely gluten intolerant and have dr's orders to strictly avoid it. My kids are showing signs as well. My dad is also gluten intolerant, so I can say it's a family allergy. But I have a family that will slip goodies to my kids behind my back and say oh, it's not a big deal when I find out. What that shows me is that they don't respect my parenting choices, and that's a deal breaker for me. In those cases, when food is just a battle in the midst of a bigger war, I would skip the event and have my own primal cookout. This does get lonely sometimes, but I have found that it is better to surround myself with friends who live a similar lifestyle OR who don't give me grief because of my choices. People run into these family issues all the time over food, relationships, money, why no grandkids yet, lifestyle choices, etc. And from what I've seen in battles for control, it is usually the ones who feel they have little or no control that fight the hardest for dominance. Maybe use that to your advantage. Call her up and say your family gets sick when you eat ___________. And ask what kind of food she thinks would go good with chicken, eggs, etc. Make it a puzzle she has to solve and give her the praise at the partty: "yes, this way of eating is so hard, and we get sick when we eat grains, but my lovely sister makes these gatherings so enjoyable for us because she can come up with the greatest alternatives and is such a perfect host for all people." If she has that reputation, she will have to uphold it lest she look like the incapable one.
Don't let anybody tell you, "You can't" just because they can't.
The thing is that chicken, potato salad, corn on the cob, beans, deviled eggs and pie are all on the primal blueprint diet. That is exactly what the 20% is for. If anybody makes any snide comments about not being able to stick to your diet because they see you eating fried chicken or whatever, just tell them that the diet allows for occasions where you don't have control over the menu. Thank your sister for being so kind as to host everybody at her house. Try to keep the focus on the folks, not the food. It's your choice whether you play your part in the power struggle. Say the Serenity Prayer over and over if you have to. If you can't avoid playing your part, then you need some counseling so you can learn how to do it.
Female, 5'3", 49, Starting weight: 163lbs. Current weight: 135 (more or less).
Starting squat: 45lbs. Highest squat: 167.5 x 2. Current Deadlift: 190 x 3
I have to agree with Grumpy, this is how we live and eat, the world lives and eats differently. You can bring your own "friendly" food to share, or you can just eat what's offered, or you just don't go. Her judgements have nothing to do with anything.
If you had a deadly allergy, you wouldn't eat what was offered anyway, right?
Don't fight her, if she makes snide comments, tell her it's none of her business how you and your family eat, and for her to get over it.
I don't have a sister, so I guess it's easier for me to keep family out of my business!
Good luck and happy 4th!
Ok, I've been at this (real food) for a long time. I've learned along the way what works and what doesn't. My advice to you is to relax. When you've been living this way for years you come to realize that a day here and there doesn't amount to anything and is not worth any conflict. That said, I usually bring something to a party. A couple nice steaks, some chili, sausage and peppers or something like that. Then I eat what I want to eat and I don't apologize to anyone for it nor would I expect them to either. Its really not all that stressful once you have been at it for a while.
As to the kids, I agree with those who said to relax on that too. They are kids and they are under pressure from every angle. To forbid them to eat certain foods makes them an outcast in a sense and you can very easily run into major issues down the road. You can limit things at home and all and try and educate them in a subtle way. But being a fanatic with them is recipie for disaster, no pun intended! If you have them eating real food most of the time they are eating better than 95% or more of the kids out there. Plus they will see down the road how it plays out and most likely adopt a similar way of eating.
Enjoy the holiday and don't say a word to anyone about all of this. Its not worth it. Believe me it isn't. I did it and I learned the hard way. The people involved, almost all of them now have serious health problems. I'm not kidding. I warned them that they were looking at a disastrous future to no avail.
So please take my advice. Don't ruin the time with your family. Nothing good will come of it. Have fun and keep on keepin on!!