Calling any recovered EDs - I need som help with binge-fast-binge cycle page 7

[BestBetter]

OMG, I hear you sister. That weighing and measuring is like OCD. Loggin lettuce leaves is painful. Do you never weigh yourself now? Did you just decide? I think this would be a really big leap for me, it's super scary.

I did the UD2 in mid February, which was what triggered my 'OCD' weighing and tracking/binging and restricting phase. Now that it's the end of June, it's been a little over 4 months and I just got on the scale for the first time (at a doctor's appt 2 weeks ago, not my choice). I can say that now I'm back in a place where I can hop on a scale here and there, and I could track my food casually, if I wanted to, without getting militant about it. However, even though I COULD do these things, I don't.

There was a book that I read, when i was 'recovering' from my UD2 experience that really helped me to understand why my body was fighting me to lose those last 5 lbs of fat, and why I'm actually much better off not struggling to get rid of it - I highly recommend it for all women to read (since it's written about women). It's called 'Why Women Need Fat'. Reading this book really helped me to see why the more restrictive I was, the more my body retaliated.

One thing I've learned is that almost all of the diets and fat loss research studies are done on MEN. Women are excluded because their hormonal issues are so complex and so little understood that they prevent most women from losing fat in the way that men do. Since scientists don't want these 'abnormal' female results messing up their data, they routinely exclude women from their studies. They occasionally will allow POST-menopausal women as long as they are not on hormone replacement therapy, because after menopause, fat gain/loss in these women responds more similarly to that in men. Then, they release the results, and assume that those same results SHOULD be the same for women. Women get to feel that it's a personal failure if they can't lose weight following some 'foolproof' protocol that's 'guaranteed' (for men).

I've learned that i can't force my body to do what it doesn't want to do. So instead of self-flaggelation and self-hatred, I'm focusing on feeling good about myself, flaws included. At first, making that leap was difficult and kind of painful.

What really made me realize that it was time to let the obsession of those 'last 5 lbs' go was one night when my husband said, 'who wants to have sex with a skinny girl? NO guy.' That was a real shocker to me, and led to many discussions about how most men would actually prefer to have sex with a fat woman than a very skinny one. This got me questioning about why I was being so unnecessarily brutal in my critique of my appearance, when clearly no one else was...and i decided that I didn't want to live in a military state anymore. That's when the weighing of myself and logging my food obsessively stopped. Now, it doesn't even occur to me to get on the scale, which feels really good.

[JackieKessler]

I've learned that i can't force my body to do what it doesn't want to do. So instead of self-flaggelation and self-hatred, I'm focusing on feeling good about myself, flaws included.

That's amazing, BestBetter! Good for you. No, GREAT for you! Seriously, that's terrific!

[VacillateWildly]

Hi Dexy,

I've struggled with disordered eating for about ten years, on and off. You name it, Ive probably tried it. I'm wondering though, when was the last time you've had a comprehensive blood work up? How are you feeling? Lethargic? Depressed? Are you on any meds? (and I read through the other posts, Im sorry if I missed this info...)--

The bingeing behavior manifested later, only a few years ago and really became the lasting symptom. I liked eating, hated throwing up anymore, and loved/hated bingeing, it's been the most difficult to stop. Over the past few years, my dad died of cancer, i started/completed grad school, moved to a new city and started a new job. So it went from years of starving/compulsive exercise, to purging, to binge-purge, to binge throughout that process. It wasn't ALL the time, but definitely out of my control. Even though I was mostly paleo/primal, I still felt terrible fatigue-- I used to run 8 miles a day and now I was bonking at 3. I just felt depressed and shitty, and I binged. I had some blood work which revealed severe iron deficient anemia (very low ferritin; several years of heavy endurance training preceded by 14 years of vegetarianism and ED behavior...). Still going through the follow ups for that, but I can say that I feel better since getting supplements. I haven't purged in a year and binged (or even had the desire) in months, which for me is a miracle. I think it was a combination of seeing the consequences of my behavior and getting the right stuff that my body needed.

It could be, perhaps, that you have a deficiency of some kind thats undiscovered? Your body is healing, so be kind. And don't compensate for your binges either, no extra work outs or no skipping meals.... just keep moving onto the next. This can be uncomfortable and might cause some weight gain-- I gained 30 lbs (form my normal weight), but have so far lost 12 of those now that things have leveled. I work out when I feel like it, a few runs a week and some push ups/sit ups--but not ever to compensate for overeating...which is very important.

Sorry to ramble on, but I empathize. Have yourself checked out for your own peace of mind. I thought I was just fat/lazy, which only dug a deeper hole and fueled the behavior. I know how discouraging it can be, but you're on your way out of the hole (you just dont know it yet).

Good luck, keep us posted.

Thanks for your thoughts and time JellyNellie. There has been a lot of mention of hormones and I'm quite sure this is a massive factor for me which as yet has not been taken very seriously in the mainstream with the teratment of EDs.

I do take 30mg cipramil daily and a few supplements - fishoil, evening primrose oil, zinc, magnesium, vitex and a porbiotic. I have chronic aneamia, due another blood test next week so am interested to see if my efforts with liver have paid off.

You've prompted me to go to my GP and get some more detailed blood work done, then I'll take this to a Naturopath because in my experience they deal with these issues better than your average GP, even though mine is pretty awesome. It would be good to rule hormones out or deal with whatever comes up. I often think as women we just accept the lack of knowledge and interpretation of hormone levels as out lot. I'll take action, thanks for the important suggestion.

[VacillateWildly]

I did the UD2 in mid February, which was what triggered my 'OCD' weighing and tracking/binging and restricting phase. Now that it's the end of June, it's been a little over 4 months and I just got on the scale for the first time (at a doctor's appt 2 weeks ago, not my choice). I can say that now I'm back in a place where I can hop on a scale here and there, and I could track my food casually, if I wanted to, without getting militant about it. However, even though I COULD do these things, I don't.

There was a book that I read, when i was 'recovering' from my UD2 experience that really helped me to understand why my body was fighting me to lose those last 5 lbs of fat, and why I'm actually much better off not struggling to get rid of it - I highly recommend it for all women to read (since it's written about women). It's called 'Why Women Need Fat'. Reading this book really helped me to see why the more restrictive I was, the more my body retaliated.

One thing I've learned is that almost all of the diets and fat loss research studies are done on MEN. Women are excluded because their hormonal issues are so complex and so little understood that they prevent most women from losing fat in the way that men do. Since scientists don't want these 'abnormal' female results messing up their data, they routinely exclude women from their studies. They occasionally will allow POST-menopausal women as long as they are not on hormone replacement therapy, because after menopause, fat gain/loss in these women responds more similarly to that in men. Then, they release the results, and assume that those same results SHOULD be the same for women. Women get to feel that it's a personal failure if they can't lose weight following some 'foolproof' protocol that's 'guaranteed' (for men).

I've learned that i can't force my body to do what it doesn't want to do. So instead of self-flaggelation and self-hatred, I'm focusing on feeling good about myself, flaws included. At first, making that leap was difficult and kind of painful.

What really made me realize that it was time to let the obsession of those 'last 5 lbs' go was one night when my husband said, 'who wants to have sex with a skinny girl? NO guy.' That was a real shocker to me, and led to many discussions about how most men would actually prefer to have sex with a fat woman than a very skinny one. This got me questioning about why I was being so unnecessarily brutal in my critique of my appearance, when clearly no one else was...and i decided that I didn't want to live in a military state anymore. That's when the weighing of myself and logging my food obsessively stopped. Now, it doesn't even occur to me to get on the scale, which feels really good.

Sounds as though you've come a very long way in a realtively short time. Thanks for your strength and hope. I will check out that book, I just replied to another post about hormone levels, it's very interesting and a path I'd like to know more about.

I just ate one of the biggest breakfasts of my life in the hope that if I maintain decent fat and protein levels I won't binge. It's scary, if I start binging while eating all this I'm going to blow up like a balloon. But I jhave to try something new, same old same old isn't working for me.

[Dirlot]

Nasty and moronic? Please. I told you I have an eating disorder. I had a drug problem myself and when I quit drugs I went to food. I went from 200 pounds to 300 in a year and a half from binge eating. Since march I have put on about 30 pounds. Think about that for a second. 30 POUNDS in less than 3 months. Its about 2.5 pounds a week of weight gain. Considering I am already extremely overweight this is a serious problem. Don't talk to me about not having an eating disorder.

Like I said, if AA worked for you, great, keep it up. But you aren't powerless, you don't need to surrender, and you don't need a higher power. If you were powerless you would be dead. If you were powerless you wouldn't be able to stop drinking ever. No one did it BUT YOU.

My sympathies towards your situation, but given your situation why would you try and come on here and try and stop people from adopting this healthy lifestyle when the lifestyle you are following is clearly not working?!?

[jimhensen]

My sympathies towards your situation, but given your situation why would you try and come on here and try and stop people from adopting this healthy lifestyle when the lifestyle you are following is clearly not working?!?

I'm 3 weeks binge free and have lost over 10 pounds in that time...all while eating grains and some processed foods. I like to argue with people on the internet. The lifestyle I am living now, in the past 3 weeks, is working well, and as long as I stick with it I will lose all the weight I need.

I'm not trying to stop anyone from being primal, I just like to argue about it. If someone sees my posts and stops being primal, that is up to them.

[BestBetter]

I'm 3 weeks binge free and have lost over 10 pounds in that time...all while eating grains and some processed foods. I like to argue with people on the internet. The lifestyle I am living now, in the past 3 weeks, is working well, and as long as I stick with it I will lose all the weight I need.

I'm not trying to stop anyone from being primal, I just like to argue about it. If someone sees my posts and stops being primal, that is up to them.

I have no problem with your decision - or anyone else's - to eat some grains and processed foods. I just can't understand why you take pleasure in frequenting a forum based on a way of eating you clearly don't prescribe to. Wouldn't it be a more fun use of your time to do something else?

[Forgotmylastusername]

I have no problem with your decision - or anyone else's - to eat some grains and processed foods. I just can't understand why you take pleasure in frequenting a forum based on a way of eating you clearly don't prescribe to. Wouldn't it be a more fun use of your time to do something else?

ALL forums need their contrarians. Jim fills that role nicely.

[Dirlot]

I'm 3 weeks binge free and have lost over 10 pounds in that time...all while eating grains and some processed foods. I like to argue with people on the internet. The lifestyle I am living now, in the past 3 weeks, is working well, and as long as I stick with it I will lose all the weight I need.

I'm not trying to stop anyone from being primal, I just like to argue about it. If someone sees my posts and stops being primal, that is up to them.

I am glad you have found a book which has helped you deal with your binging. Much like an alcoholic cuts out alcohol, it would probably be easier to cut out the highly addictive grains and processed foods but lets hope it works for you.

So you like to argue. You don't want to debate, share information or make a positive forum contribution you just want to argue.

[Gadsie]

I am glad you have found a book which has helped you deal with your binging. Much like an alcoholic cuts out alcohol, it would probably be easier to cut out the highly addictive grains and processed foods but lets hope it works for you.

So you like to argue. You don't want to debate, share information or make a positive forum contribution you just want to argue.

off topic - Is that you in that picture? Every time I see it I wonder how the f*ck you do that