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Thread: Journal Attempt #2 page 17

  1. #161
    Leida's Avatar
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    Okay, was still tired so did a no-brainer run on the elliptical instead of the KBs. Had a hard time doing Aikido on Wednesday (a bit lightheaded, sweaty, tired). Yesterday decided to take it easy and just cleaned the garden for a few hours in the beautiful crisp September day, then took my kiddo to the pool after school. She is just starting her breaststroke, so it was very slow motion, just diving around and swimming along and behind her, fun, not exertion.

    I felt extremely self-conscious in the pool, caught myself thinking that I look just as ugly as I was before I managed to lose post-pg weight. Calmed myself with a thought that even if I was not fat again, what would it change? Would I be doing anything differently? Then it came to me that it's my daughters' life now, her growing beautiful and healthy that matters, not mine. Mine life is all done, set and unchangeable, and completely unaffected by how I look. And still, I feel like I would do anything to be slim again. Well, save for eating less or dropping pleasure foods, apparently. Gods, hate it so much. I feel like I am a balloon that is being pumped up, and no matter what I do, I just keep getting bigger and bigger...

    On the up side nothing is hurting today. Wrists, knees, feet and back are all happy.

    Today I will try the weights & gonna give blood unless it's iron that makes me so tired (and then i will know, lol).
    Last edited by Leida; 09-20-2013 at 09:36 AM.
    My Journal: http://www.marksdailyapple.com/forum/thread57916.html
    When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be.

  2. #162
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    Had a soul-searching walk at lunch, and as usual came up with a 'New Hope' to combat the fat. I decided to concentrate on swimming, KBs and MA, and give the barbel a rest. So, going to swim first (short, ~30 min), then do KBs, then donate blood. Kindda my good old Valkyrie plan revival in reverse (I used to KB before swimming). But after browsing recommendations for endomorphs, it seems that cardio comes before light weights. Just gotta manage to sit on my butt for 1 hr 15 min at work before putting the Plan in motion. Lol!
    My Journal: http://www.marksdailyapple.com/forum/thread57916.html
    When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be.

  3. #163
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    Felt really weak after blood donation, and unwell on Saturday, so skipped exercise and just did walking. So much for the new plan... Weight bounced back to 136 Sun morning (hilariously basically all for muscle mass, yeah, right), did not check this morning, but I am sure it was nothing good.

    On Sunday, whatever was plaguing me was gone (yay!) so I had a really good hapkido class. Basically a bootcamp with light weights for cali portion, and boxing drills for most of the class. My shoulders were dead by the end of the class.

    Today I am thinking of sprinting at lunch instead of going swimming first thing. Just did not work. I am planning to try a swim after work tomorrow, and then do KB while my wee one is in the swim-class.
    Last edited by Leida; 09-23-2013 at 05:39 AM.
    My Journal: http://www.marksdailyapple.com/forum/thread57916.html
    When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be.

  4. #164
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    Un-frigging-believable. I ran 10 sprints with walking to/fro/between the sprints as I was feeling blah, and perked up a bit, but as soon as I got back the office, I felt dizzy again. Now I feel like putting my head onto my desk and falling asleep. I am drinking a bit of water kefir, but I am wondering if I should go for bone broth or go buy a banana? Or just leave it? I am not hungry so far (hunger levels were really low, overeating maybe?) I had breakfast around 8 am, ~400 cals range.
    My Journal: http://www.marksdailyapple.com/forum/thread57916.html
    When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be.

  5. #165
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    Hey Leida,

    A bit of a deep one from me today

    During my time on MDA I've always felt a resonance with your posts. We're of a similar build, height, have a similar background with our weight, and both struggled with that recent fat gain that wouldn't budge. However, I've had a major breakthrough in the last few months, and I really think what I went through might apply to you too. Firstly, I switched to eating high carb and some weight fell off. Then I plateaued for a month... until I readjusted my carbs, and cut back on my exercise! I'm not going to bore you with the details but I was exercising a lot (though less than you) and the stress response was causing me to store everything I ate as fat. Anyway, now I'm losing steadily again, sleeping better etc.

    I really thought that I was stuck at this weight that I hated, but my body was just reacting to stress (caused by the wrong macros for me, and the wrong exercise).

    Anyway, I know people are always making suggestions to you about what to do so you will will probably discard this, but I just wanted you to know that I know how you feel, and I really believe that the answer is more simple than we realise.

    Hugs to you. <3
    "I think the basic anti-aging diet is also the best diet for prevention and treatment of diabetes, scleroderma, and the various "connective tissue diseases." This would emphasize high protein, low unsaturated fats, low iron, and high antioxidant consumption, with a moderate or low starch consumption.

    In practice, this means that a major part of the diet should be milk, cheese, eggs, shellfish, fruits and coconut oil, with vitamin E and salt as the safest supplements."

    - Ray Peat

  6. #166
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    Hi YB, thank you for dropping by and trying to help.

    I am actually actively trying to cut back on the exercise. I kind of think that I feel so envious of women who seem to do much less, and eat much more, and look great... well, maybe that's why they look great, you know. But, then again, that would be maybe the biggest difference between me back before the whole post-pg and now, and back before pg I tended to plumpness unless I ate sparely.

    I wish one could have a better feedback from one's body. Mine is probably saying to me to go easier (?) but on the other hand I think I face that whole mess of a woman in her forties with a plethora of potential problems which I really don't know how to address, save for eating clean and, well, moving.

    Nice aikido yesterday, though one of the techniques was insanely confusing, lol. Swim and KBs today.

    Mom's coming today, and the baking season begins, with all our birthdays and a couple of charity events in a space of a month. Heh.
    My Journal: http://www.marksdailyapple.com/forum/thread57916.html
    When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be.

  7. #167
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    Quote Originally Posted by Leida View Post
    Hi YB, thank you for dropping by and trying to help.

    I am actually actively trying to cut back on the exercise. I kind of think that I feel so envious of women who seem to do much less, and eat much more, and look great... well, maybe that's why they look great, you know. But, then again, that would be maybe the biggest difference between me back before the whole post-pg and now, and back before pg I tended to plumpness unless I ate sparely.

    I wish one could have a better feedback from one's body. Mine is probably saying to me to go easier (?) but on the other hand I think I face that whole mess of a woman in her forties with a plethora of potential problems which I really don't know how to address, save for eating clean and, well, moving.
    Oh.. no worries - I wish I could help! I genuinely feel your pain, and I know what you're going through. I felt like I was fighting a losing battle every day, and I couldn't bring myself to love this body that wouldn't obey me!

    I don't know if you've noticed my sig, but this has been a huge revelation to me: eating for the hormones. My latest mistake was that I was listening to the bro-science that said that protein is stored as structural tissue so you could eat as much as you wanted and you'd lose weight. What they didn't say was that eating too much protein without carbs stimulates the production of cortisol, which breaks down muscle and causes you to store everything as fat. Same with excess exercise.

    I was afraid to cut back on exercise and eat more carbs, but actually as soon as I did that the scales started shifting down again. I really think that if you look after your stress hormones, weight becomes so much more manageable.

    Part of my anxiety about actually eating and not moving as much was because like you, I've had a tendency to gain weight since I was about 18, which is when I developed an ED. I was never thin enough unless I starved myself, but now I see how easily the weight seems to be coming off and I'm realising that I had it wrong all along. It's kind of huge to me. Who knows - maybe I'll plateau again in a week, but for now it seems amazing that eating the foods I've always wanted to eat, and moving in a concise way will actually get the results I've always wanted, but painlessly.

    Anyway, I see myself in you - experimenting with so many new things, and trying to beat your body into submission and I think that maybe the war needs to end. Sorry if that's too blunt... but what I'm finding is that love is the way.

    The Peat people label it as "avoid stress" but yeah. I'm a hippie
    "I think the basic anti-aging diet is also the best diet for prevention and treatment of diabetes, scleroderma, and the various "connective tissue diseases." This would emphasize high protein, low unsaturated fats, low iron, and high antioxidant consumption, with a moderate or low starch consumption.

    In practice, this means that a major part of the diet should be milk, cheese, eggs, shellfish, fruits and coconut oil, with vitamin E and salt as the safest supplements."

    - Ray Peat

  8. #168
    Leida's Avatar
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    I totally got where you are coming from. I actually think I do less than you do right now judging from your last week's log, but for me, the scale movement is up, not down with decreased activity. So, yeah, dunno. Maybe once my hormonal state gets better...
    My Journal: http://www.marksdailyapple.com/forum/thread57916.html
    When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be.

  9. #169
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    Pool was unbelievably full yesterday, so I did slow and relaxed swimming first on the lane, but had to get out because two equally hard to bypass slow swimmers equally distributed themselves between the measly two lanes we have. So, went to the lazy river that was not running at the time, and swam slowly in figure 8's until someone asked for it to be turned on. Continued swilling with the current on (kindda fun), then it got too full, so I finished with doing circles around the deep end triangle... steamed for 20 min or so in the steam room, got unusually elevated HR, not sure why.

    Finally, while my kiddo was doing her class, I went to work with the KB. Not a strong workout, just learning moves from KB book I am reading. Windmill with 20 lbs on the floor and 15 on the top to press was pretty harsh, I could do 8 reps top. Shoulders probably was not yet recovered completely, I had to stick to 15 lbs all the time, apart from low windmill. Low wm with a bicep curl is surprisingly hard.

    Aikodo today, not adding a run, just walk at lunch.

    Mom's trip was fine, but with all the jazz got to bed late, by 9 pm, and then the wee one got out of bed and had to read to her.

    Weight this morning was 136.3, argh.
    My Journal: http://www.marksdailyapple.com/forum/thread57916.html
    When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be.

  10. #170
    Leida's Avatar
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    Weight this morning was 137.1 lbs. On Friday. Which means I will hit 140 by Monday. Did leg BB lifting workout, planted bulbs in the yard with mom and walked a little. Did not think I was bad, but weight keeps coming on like a tidal wave. This morning I woke up an hour later than usual (5:20 am) and still feel groggy. Still tired. I am wondering if eliminating caffeine and art sugar was a mistake. Maybe it was all that held my weight at least around 135.

    I will try to get in a swim today (with a late start pool could be too full to get a lane to swim) but I will at least take mom and kiddo in for playing. UB barbell and KBs tomorrow.

    Also go try a day on apples and yogurt/quark today.
    My Journal: http://www.marksdailyapple.com/forum/thread57916.html
    When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be.

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