Skinny girl to fat girl and back to skinny girl - for life page 24

[jenn26point2]

I was concerned about starchy carbs for the most part - potatoes and other tubers. 1 cup of sweet potato has 41 gm of carb. I was shocked when I learned that yesterday. I would like to get to ketosis again, but I'm dragging my feet. Anyhow, aside from the fruit, I can't see any high carb items that could be stalling your fat loss. They say fruit in the AM is bad b/c it starts your day with sugar and can lead to sugar cravings later in the day, but I think that's left up to interpretation by the individual user. I have a sugar problem so I have to avoid fruit as much as possible.

I don't really see a problem. It'd be interesting to see the numbers if you ever did decide to track for curiosity sake, but I hate measuring so that would be difficult for me to remember to do.

[June68]

Yeah, I could see if I was having potatoes regularly there might be a problem, but my veg intake is pretty low-carb. Quantities are minimal as well - I'll see if I can measure the next time I make an omelet or scramble - I'm betting 1/2 to 1 cup raw veg. My salads are usually in the 4-cup neighborhood. Fruit in the am doesn't seem to be a problem. I don't have cravings, really. Never did. It's weird because I expected to. So, based on what I eat, I think I'm in ketosis for at least part of the day. I have lost weight, but it's slow and in small quantities it seems. We'll see if in another 2 months there's another 10lbs gone. That would be ok because that would be noticeable...as it is, you have to see me naked to tell and well, that's not happenin'.

[jenn26point2]

10 lbs is 2 months is pretty good. I've lost 32 lbs but it took me 22 weeks, which is a weight loss of 1.45 per week, about typical for what the "experts" say you should be losing. So, 10 lbs in 8 weeks (roughly) is about the same at 1.25 lbs per week. You're doing well. It may not seem like it, and often 10 lbs doesn't show as much as we might think. I think I read somewhere that it takes "people" like 20 lbs to notice your weigh loss or something like that, and even more for us as the wearers of the body to see the changes in the mirror.

I didn't realize that ketosis would vary throughout the day. I guess I always thought it was a you're-either-in-or-out kind of thing, rather than an in and out over the day thing. I guess it makes sense since you could leave a ketotic state if you eat something carby but then don't eat anything carby for the rest of the day... And here I always peed on the ketostick in the AM thinking that first morning urine would be the best indicator (like when taking a pregnancy test lol). Just goes to show you learn something new every day.

[June68]

I think it is what Mark refers to as fat-adapted. In the first couple weeks of this WOE a body is looking for its usual fuel source (go eat an english muffin), but when you eat an egg instead it has to change the fuel. The shift results in carb flu for a lot of people as they adapt to using fat as a fuel to make glucose and ketones in the liver (gluconeogenesis). So I think that when I eat my body does make a certain amount of insulin, which is fine and necessary, but it doesn't make as much and as a result I have less dietary glucose to go around. But I've oiled the machine so-to-speak, meaning my liver now metabolizes protein and fat to make glucose and ketones depending on what's needed, before it only made glucose unless I slept for 12 hours. Now I'm fat-adapted it doesn't matter, I can easily make ketones or glucose whenever needed and now that I make more ketones I need less glucose and so don't have those crashes from a normal carby/sugary diet. At least this is how I understand it to work. Alcohol is probably my biggest ketosis disrupter at this point since it is technically a toxin and all other metabolism is halted until it's dealt with and metabolized into harmless substances. But other than that I think I'm in ketosis all the time, and based on what you say you eat, you probably are, too. The thing is that we aren't dependent anymore on that glucose load every 2 hours; we can make a better fuel as needed and that's how we lose 1 pound a week.

Phew. You'd think after all my reading I'd be able to explain it better.

Anyway...I'm going to re-read Mark's posts about fat-adaptation and see if I got it right.

[June68]

Did an unplanned 18-hour fast from last night to just about an hour 1/2 ago. Weirdly I didn't have any hunger pangs. Maybe it wasn't a true fast; 1 cup coffee w/heavy cream, 1 double espresso with ice and a shot of heavy cream was all I ate until after noontime. We did errands and then a kettlebell workout all without eating. Then we devoured some left over chicken thighs wrapped in bacon (he had 3, I had 1), some berries, macadamia nuts and he had a yogurt. Now I'm nibbling on some caprese salad - at least I think it is - lovely orange heirloom tomato, fresh basil, fresh mozzarella and olive oil. It's like, a million degrees out and so pretty refreshing. Yes, this diet is so depriving!

[June68]

Femininity and Weight

Now I’m actually losing weight and have hope of keeping it off, I’m going through my closets looking at my old clothes. I think this is often called ‘shopping in your closet’, but for me it was more revealing than that. It shows how my confidence and femininity have changed in direct proportion to my weight. Basically, the thinner I was the more feminine my clothes. As I put on weight, the more non-descript and utilitarian they became.

Growing up I was a tomboy for the most part, but I also had Barbie dolls and liked to play dress up with girls down the road because they took dancing lessons and had all the fancy, sequin-ey outfits. In early high school I didn’t have much self-confidence and wore a lot of baggy sweaters (remember those huge ones from The Limited? I think I had 4 of ‘em). I was definitely hiding. Later in high school, when I filled out (over one summer - bam! boobs! a butt! wow!) I stopped wearing so many concealing clothes and started wearing things that showed off my figure. After a couple years I actually started believing I wasn’t ugly and became comfortable with myself. I started using makeup. I wore lots of skirts, dresses and heels. Cute suits. Awesome shoes and boots. I rocked jeans something fierce. Nothing trashy, but definitely stuff that only a woman built like I was could wear. 5’ 9”, 130 lbs, hourglass figure, lots of leg, generous of breast. It was nice.

Then I hit my 30s and despite my best efforts and adherence to CW dogma, the pounds started piling on. I stopped using makeup. My job changed a bit and so did dress codes. For a while I went through a Brooks Brothers and Talbot’s phase, albeit at a size or two larger than what fit in my 20s. Job changed again and dress code got really casual. I changed to wearing Gramicci pants and plain cotton jerseys. Boat shoes. Nothing tucked in. No patterns. No feminine details. No skirts. No jeans. It was my uniform. I was definitely hiding again.

At the moment, those clothes are just about the only ones that fit me, but I’m starting to pull out old favorites that I hope will fit me soon. Those clothes are cut closer to the body. Have details and (gasp) are feminine. I never noticed the progression before. It wasn’t like there weren’t clothes in my size that were less utilitarian and more girly. I just didn’t buy them. I’m not sure why. Maybe some of it was that I felt I’d look ridiculous given my more generous proportions. Maybe I didn’t want to call attention to myself. Maybe I felt like I didn’t deserve to look good at my weight. Whatever it was, I never bought really feminine clothing when I weighed 180 lbs (my heaviest). I wonder if anyone else has noticed a similar progression. I wonder if it’s common.

I think for many women, femininity is tied to being physically small. Gracile. Shapely. Yeah, round is a shape, but is it womanly? Can we feel hot and be pear shaped? Not me. And that not feeling attractive mirrored my clothing choices exactly. I wanted to be invisible. I didn’t want to be the fat girl trying to preserve her thin image in her ridiculous clothes that just look awful on her. It was like I became a different person. My hair was the one and only thing I still made a fuss over and recently, even that has stopped. I don’t entirely dislike the person I have become, but I do miss aspects of the old me apart from my old body. I wonder if she’ll come back.

[jenn26point2]

She'll come back. I noticed the same trend as you. With the more relaxed the dress code, the baggier the clothes. The bigger I got, the baggier and less dressy the clothes.

As I get smaller, I'm buying tighter clothes. My "around home" clothing now is capri running tights with a fitted ribbed tank top, which I wear grocery shopping at 189 lbs. I might not look the best to some, but I feel pretty damn good in them, so I wear them.

I definitely think that as your weight comes off, your clothing will again be feminine for that woman inside you.

[June68]

I hope she does, Jenn. I'm sick of hiding.

Anyway, this week I started tracking my food in terms of macronutrients and calories. I have NEVER done this before. I've tracked calories, but never macros. It's sort of strange and there is some guessing to it since the Nutrient Data Laboratory doesn't have everything quite right. Like there's no grilled veggies or cole slaw with coconut milk in their list. I just wing it with an educated guess. Same with portions that I don't get to weigh (like dinner is sort of a miss where that goes). Ballpark figures is all I want. Today is only day three, but so far I eat less than I thought I did in terms of calories. Interesting. Still eating 100% primal. I'm tracking so that if something needs tweaking I know what I've got to work with and what my norms are.

Continuing with workouts. Today was my normal weights routine, but I've started doing squats with the 34lb bell instead of a 25lb dumbbell. I try to walk 2x a week, HIIT kb swings 2x a week and weights 1x a week. Incorporating joint flexibility work as well. Apart from the walking, each type of exercise takes me less than an hour so it's good on time.

Put on a pair of hiking pants with a belt the other day and had to tighten the belt. Not much, but still, tightening is the direction of choice here. I don't think there's a hope in hell for the red dress on Saturday, but at least there's been progress. My husband has hit his weight target and is eating sweet potatoes on his heavy lifting or running days. I cannot wait for this in my own life, but it won't be until this time next year I'm sure. So hard to wait. So instead of that dress I treated myself to a new and really fun haircut. Shorter than it's been in ages and I'm so happy to have my big, heavy mass of hair off my neck and shoulders.

That's it for now. Off to the FM in a couple hours. Hope I can score something besides summer squash and zucchini.

[jenn26point2]

Maybe for those items you can't find nutrition info on, you can collect the info from the containers? For instance, the can of coconut milk will have nutrition info on it. Cabbage is a generic veggie that any website would have info on, same with the grilled veggies, but without whatever oil you put on them, which you can get from the oil's container.

I use myfitnesspal.com to track my stuff. Had pretty good luck there. SparkPeople also has a really large database, but I don't expect it to have too many primal/paleo based foods like your coleslaw.

You've made me curious... I might have to start tracking again, just to see what I'm actually pulling into my body by way of nutrients. I think I'll start tomorrow.

[DCarr10760]

I sorta have the male version of your wardrobe issues in your post, "Femininity and Weight." It manifests itself in the form of business suits. When I am at the low end of my dieting range, I reward myself by buying nice tailored suits (I have to because my shoulders are broad and the standard 10-size drop doesn't fit). When I am at my fattest I have to buy tailored suits because suits of that size are only available in nicer men's shops. But in my middle range (where I live most of the time) I can buy suits off the rack, usually not very nice ones, but cheap and they look like they are proud of it.

So I spend my life in cheap, ill fitting suits... Sigh. Fortunately I don't wear them nearly so often these days as industry has, in the US at least become more casual.