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Thread: Skinny girl to fat girl and back to skinny girl - for life page 23

  1. #221
    June68's Avatar
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    Primal Fuel
    Thanks ladies. I was literally open-mouthed with astonishment when I saw the scale. I don't know if it will continue, but I will keep on doing this and hopefully it will. It seems to be working for both of you so well!!

    You're right on the information-overload. I do this with everything though; read until my curiosity is satisfied or that I can articulate my reasons for change well. That's mostly why since I want to give good answers when people ask why I'm eating my hamburger in lettuce instead of a bun. I really am still enthusiastic though. And hopeful. Really.

    I'm not looking for this WOE to cure my every ill, either, and that seems to sort of run contrary to what a lot of people are looking for. I'm also not trying to make such sacrificial changes that food is no longer fun (yeah, I said it, food is fun, oh noes!). So far it's working out pretty well.

    I was going to exercise today, but my back spasmed me tearful this morning...all I was doing was putting TP under the counter in the bathroom. Brought me up short. Ugh. So I did a little (careful) chores and laundry. Maybe tomorrow.

  2. #222
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    rest is always good - you are not good to anyone if you aren't good to yourself. so get yourself "back" in shape first

  3. #223
    June68's Avatar
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    Thanks girl. It seems to be ok for now, but there's no telling what will set it off next (toilet paper...ooooh, that's heavy!). Husband has been doing some joint mobility exercises for a while now and he says it has been helpful, so I'm reading the book (Pavel's Super Joints hee hee, that sounds so illicit - Amazon.com: Super Joints: Russian Longevity Secrets for Pain-Free Movement, Maximum Mobility & Flexible Strength (9780938045366): Pavel Tsatsouline: Books) and will begin them myself. I have decent range of motion almost everywhere, but I'm so damn sore and stiff in the mornings that it sucks. That and Pavel's stretching book should help.

    Just back from the farmers' market. It was raining gently and some ladies were playing guitar and singing and kids were splashing in puddles so it was a good trip. Got some lovely kale, carrots, lettuce, tiny orange tomatoes, huge heirloom tomatoes, cukes...and blueberries this morning from the place I usually go picking at. I love having a fridge full of good food. Oh and I got some pastured eggs this am and put down a deposit on 1/2 pig. Now if hubby just orders that freezer...

  4. #224
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    60 days of Primal Living - another list plus bonus ranting!

    Oooh! Something for everyone in this post. It's a long one, but eh, I think it's worth reading.

    1. Primal/Paleo has its share of spin just like any other Ďdietí.
    2. YMMV - mine did. Whereís that fat-melting phase? Oh yeah, see #1.
    3. Over-analysis is my cross to bear and can derail me big time.
    4. Still easy to avoid grains. Not too tempting.
    5. Raw peas are a no-no.
    6. Not eating chicken 5 days a week is rather nice..
    7. So glad husband and I are doing this together. Heís the best.
    8. No health issues = few early tangible results = emotional deprivation.
    9. Let go of expectations and realign.
    10. People are weak. Theyíd rather be sick than do anything about it.


    Back when I first started this PB thing, I didnít do much critical thinking. The anecdotes of tons of lost weight, very little hunger and terrific food filled me with hope. Iím not saying TPB or whole food eating doesnít work, Iím saying that those anecdotes are handpicked for the biggest changes in the shortest amount of time. Regular Janes need not apply. I should have realized that. Iím a notorious sceptic about stuff like that, but with my husbandís enthusiasm and story after story, I just accepted it at face value. Big mistake. My expectations were lined up with the best case scenario and quite frankly, itís out of reach for most of us regular folks. Yes I am healthier and I have lost weight, but fat melting? Oh come on. Maybe for some, but not this little gray duck. So I let go of my immediate goal of getting into that red dress by the 11th because it is just not happening. Without any other health issues like HBP or blood sugar it is a bit emotionally stark making such slow progress. But slow progress is still progress, so onward we go.



    Boy, a lot of people seem to be married to jerks. This always shocks me. I know that two basic human traits are jealousy and competitiveness, but the deliberate sabotage Iíve seen reported on some threads and in some journals is beyond the pale. My husband loves me and even if he didnít decide to do this, heíd never taunt or sabotage me. Iíve done goofy stuff apart from him before and he doesnít operate that way. The shit people put up with from the ones that are supposed to love them is astonishing. Oy. Maybe itís the misery loves company thing, but I have ditched this in my life. People that want to stay on their meds, nurse their conditions and make others feel their misery just arenít worth my time. That one-upmanship thing that goes on with medical or health horror stories; count me out. Iím happily smug in my healthiness that I have worked on. Iím happy to tell you I have no asthma symptoms because of drugs. When I catch myself falling into a ďmine is worse than yours raceĒ, I give myself a mental smack. Yes, my back is a nightmare, but itís my nightmare and no one else really cares; they have their own nightmares.

    Also there appears to be a lot of emotions tied up with food. Not mine. Other peopleís. Itís weird. I have never been involved with any diet community before and Iíve never had an eating disorder so I have no experience with fucked-up eating/relationships with food. Crazy. I donít know how I dodged that bullet, but Iím thankful I did. This WOE is a piece of cake (metaphorically speaking). Iím not hung up on what I eat in any way. Sure, I have some issues with jiggly fat and its mouth feel, organ meat and coconut, but thatís about it. The endless threads about emotional eating just baffle me and make me sad. I know people just canít snap out of it, but I wish they could.

    Not everyone has this though. Some people just need to frigging grow a spine and say no to crap food until it gets easier. These days, everyone seems to want everything to come easy. They want results without effort. No one wants to break a sweat or ďdepriveĒ themselves. Whatís wrong with that? Part of my effort to reprogram my brain has been ďsuffering a little deprivationĒ. Hunger pangs are my most difficult thing to deal with and so Iím taking them head on. Just because Iím getting a hunger pang doesnít mean I need to eat RIGHT NOW or suffer DEATH. It just means I need to eat soon. After a little bit, the pangs cease. Especially if I have something to occupy myself. So much of the eating we do is from habit and not need. Thatís another one I fight; eating something because itís the time I always have or that it just seems like I should. Stupid. I gotta get rid of that shit and eat when it makes sense from a nutrition and fuel perspective. At least most of the time. Sometimes I have to eat a meal at a certain time because my next mealtime wonít be prompt. Thatís ok. Thatís flexibility and it is part of the solution, not rigidity.

    Recently on a blog someone posited the idea that the paleo/primal community falls into two camps; those with a fascination for western food and those without. I guess I fall into the latter grouping since fast food, Hamburger Helper, candy bars and soda donít appeal to me and havenít for my the majority of my adult life. Other stuff does like homemade baked goodies my husband used to make. And Oreos. Of course. For the most part though, letting all that shit drop out of my life hasnít been hard. Maybe it just hasnít hit me yet. Maybe it will. Maybe one day Iíll lose my mind and eat a whole can of Pringles or decide that I need some Biscoffs. If it does, I guess Iíll deal with it the same way Iíve dealt up to now.

    Mostly I think about my goals. Iím visualizing what it will be like to be thin again. How I felt. Back then I was pretty carefree about it since I thought it could never change. I took it for granted. I see thin, fit folks on TV and IRL and wonder about them. Did they struggle to get where they are? Damn they can rock those jeans. Do they appreciate how eye-catchingly rare they are? I know I didnít and am torn between being casual about it when I do reach my goal or flaunting it like a crazy mofo.

    I also think about self-sabotage and setting this process back by eating foods that are off plan. Why the hell would I ruin all my progress? It has been a bit of work and adjustment and I donít want to go off course. At all. Iím not a hard-core whacko - I use stevia in my coffee. I eat cheese. Everything else just feels normal to me and not so much of a change that itís wicked hard to do, but even so, Iím not going to give in to a food that will undo any of that. No way. Maybe it does come down to self-worth, brain chemistry or hormones, but Iím defying all the reasons why I ďwantĒ to eat something bad for me and concentrating on why I donít. I have made the decision to eat like this and Iím a fully-functioning adult, not a grown-up child, I can abide by my own decision. I am not afraid of working for my goal instead of waiting for it to happen...like magic.

    This last month I was successful with the limited snacking and semi-successful with the weekday booze-ban. Nothing is 100% in those areas, but mostly it worked out. Iíve tweaked meal sizes, compositions and times to better align with the day. I havenít tried probiotics yet, but I am still thinking about it. Instead Iíve been eating (a few times a week) raw, local goatsí milk yogurt. That should contribute some beneficial bacteria to my mix. Meds I havenít tweaked. Old habits die hard.

    We have a new habit though - buying local produce, meat and eggs. Itís awesome. Expensive, but great. We are going to join a late CSA this year and keep up with it again next year. Cuts down on the cost and keeps our local dirt wranglers in the green. I love the idea that farmers can make a living and keep farming. Yep, it is more $ initially, but I think in the long run it will be worth it. We also are planning to go in for Ĺ a pig and Ĺ a cow so that we can eat even more cleanly. (this shot isn't mine though, it's from a google search)



    Well damn, this was a long post, but cathartic. Sometimes Iím just too close to things to see clearly (forest v. trees) and I donít always post my mind in some threads, but just let things simmer. Who am I to jump all over people and quite frankly, the negativity and controversy on threads is just needless. If people want to be stupid, canít find the search box or just want to keep on whining, let them. I need to focus on what works for me.

    Phew. You made it. And as a reward, here's some cute overload -


  5. #225
    jenn26point2's Avatar
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    I love your journal. I really do. You should blog. You're a good writer and I think you'd get a really good following.

    I can't help but feel like you were mentioning my familial situation (in part) with the husbands who are jerks part - unless you don't read my journal and this is just a random coincidence. Yeah, some days he's a jerk. We disagree a lot. It's not the best marriage, but we do love each other and try to keep each other happy. We suffer in the communication department though and by the time we do say something to one another about something that is bothering us, we're already mad about it. It's something we desperately need to work on. He's normally supportive in spirit, not so much in action most days.

    I got sucked into the best case scenario outcomes as well, but I've also gotten lucky in that this works magically for me. I still have some stiffness and soreness when I wake up but it's greatly reduced by taking Cod Liver Oil and Tart Cherry capsules. I take 3 CLO in the AM with breakfast and then at night before bed I take 2 - 1,000 mg Tart Cherry capsules. If I don't take the cherry, I feel about 30 years older the next morning. The only stiffness I haven't gotten rid of yet is what occurs in my left ankle, but I think that's directly related to my tight piriformis muscle (in the butt) that pinches my sciatic nerve. In the last year I have learned SO much about the sciatic nerve and that a majority of my problems start with that nerve. If I can keep the inflammation in that area down, which is localized, likely not systemic, then the ankle feels great. I'd recommend trying either Tart Cherry Juice concentrate or the capsules and see if it helps with your am stiffness.
    Primal since March 5, 2012
    SW: 221 | CW: 182 | LPW: 166 | UGW: 140 (80 lbs loss)




  6. #226
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    Waiting for the changes is the hardest...I feel your (joint) pain, Jenn. Thanks on the writing thing. I'm glad you enjoy it even though I'm not so warm & fuzzy. Not sure about a blog or that I'd have a following...it's pretty quiet on this here journal.

    Yeah, your relationship description is a small part of my overall impression, but isn't the worst offender. I guess it's just that my husband and I have had 2 fights in 18 years and never bicker or argue. Any amount of that in anyone else's life just seems off the charts to me. Oversensitive? Yeah, maybe about that I guess. Life just seems so short to put up with it to me so I don't. I was also fortunate to meet him at a point in my life where I could appreciate him and he me. Any earlier and I've have screwed it up for sure. So I got the right guy at the right time and I know that doesn't happen for a lot of people.

    I went a bit overboard with that last post, but what the hell...it's better than having it simmering in my brain, unvoiced.

  7. #227
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    We bicker over stupid stuff - mostly me asking him to do something and him being lazy about it and/or not wanting to do it, then muttering under his breath about it. I remember a few years back he would rag on me about the house being a mess or this needing done, or that... I got it to stop by looking at him and saying "If you are bringing it to my attention, you can obviously see it needs done, so instead of adding it to my list and pissing me off, do it yourself." or something along those lines. he doens't point out things that need to be done anymore...
    Primal since March 5, 2012
    SW: 221 | CW: 182 | LPW: 166 | UGW: 140 (80 lbs loss)




  8. #228
    June68's Avatar
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    Well that's one way of not having to do it I guess. I imagine having kids along with everything else adds to it. We're childfree so that's one stressor that doesn't exist for us.

    Speaking of stressor, I think you were right about my cortisol levels evening up or regulating. Now I wake up with the dawn and am pretty much good to go. Sometimes I'll fall asleep again for another hour, but it happens far less than it used to. And I seem to be sleeping more solidly with less waking. Husband, too. It's pretty great. Not to mention that hip ache also seems gone. (knock on wood) More signs of a better system all around. It does take time to heal and I just need to get my brain to slow down, too.
    5' 9" 44 YO F
    PB start June 2, 2012
    Pre PB SW = 180 (no scale at home, Mom's scale January - 153lbs!)


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  9. #229
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    I just thought of something. You mentioned that your body fat isn't melting like you'd like it to. What is your carb intake like? If you're still providing more carbs than you need for your daily activity and brain function, then you're likely not going to burn much fat b/c your body will have enough sugar to survive on. Have you considered going low carb at all? I've ventured into ketosis a bit here and there and find my best fat burn occurs when I'm in a ketogenic state. Just a thought.
    Primal since March 5, 2012
    SW: 221 | CW: 182 | LPW: 166 | UGW: 140 (80 lbs loss)




  10. #230
    June68's Avatar
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    It's pretty low. I don't weigh or measure anything though. I don't write my daily food here anymore, but there's still plenty of back entries.

    Example today -
    B | coffee w/heavy cream & stevia | 2 egg scramble w/mushroom, green onion & cherry tomatoes | 2 bacon strips | about 3/4 c berries
    L | biggish salad w/1 bratwurst | 8 macadamia nuts

    I have fruit once a day usually. If I have it in the am, I don't have it for dessert and vice versa. When winter comes I'll probably have none since there won't be any, really. Most days I don't have any veg with breakfast, but only eggs and bacon. Dinner is 2 veg plus some protein. Meals are normally smaller than husband's. I'm satisfied, but not full. You know? This is pretty typical of what I eat. If I'm dying for a snack, I have a few pistachios, macadamias or a bit of cheese. Too many carbs? I don't know. It doesn't seem like much to me and none of it is nutrient poor. Still, it might be it. I don't know how much more meat I can manage though, or how easily I can keep it around.

    I also did 5 minutes of TGUs and 33 minutes of intense kettlebell swings. First time in like a week. I don't alter my eating much, if at all, on exercise days.

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