Life is about creating yourself (Pt. II!) page 6

[Tricia]

They're called Bora Bora Fireballs and they are the bee's knees

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(recipe from Well Fed)

I have a bunch more photo's of meals but they are all trying to be uglier than the others I might post them still, though, only to remind me of all the great primal meals I've cooked
This one just because I don't want people to think I fell off the edge of the earth, and because them balls sure are awesome! I'm all work/study and no play these days, so I kind of wish summer was over already, so I can get back to half as much work, more study, but at last time to play too! I'm honestly looking forward to the 30 day challenge in September, too! I'll be a little bit wiser this year and a little bit more prepared, and exams will be over, hehe

[Candy in Wonderland]

You're still alive . Are you doing a Whole30 in September? Me too .

[Tricia]

Actually, I think I'm going to do one starting tomorrow! (+ dairy, as always I am true to my sheep herder ancestors )
I'm all excited now because the bf announced that he wants to "go on a diet" in august. And no, he does not want to read 'the Primal book', hehe But that's ok. Funny thing this got me all excited to cook healthy meals again and lead by example! I also gave up my plan to finish my bachelor paper by the deadline (which is august 13th) I realized the way I was going would leave me all burned out by the end of summer, which is no way to start my senior year. So I'm going to try to have it ready by the end of summer, so I can hand it in next semester. This would leave room for, well, other things besides work and studying! It's a bit of a bummer, but I think it's for the best.
I'm using LiveStrong atm to track food and such, not sure I'll be up to posting daily updates here too. But maybe I'll post weekly ones with data from there, like Lex once did...

PS: I finally updated my first post

[Tricia]

And here I am again
I was going to start another 'perfect month' today, partly because today's the first day of my cycle (tmi?) and I wanted to use this to track my moods and such.
But then I went for a long walk while listening to a 'Live, love, eat' podcast, and realised that I'm just setting myself up to fail if I keep going about it that way. I aim for perfection, manage this for a couple of days, and then break down for way longer than I was 'good'. So I'm not going to do that anymore. I'm not setting any more rules that only end up being broken, because I'm so tired of hating myself for that.
The only commitment that I want to make (and hopefully I'll be able to keep it this time) is to check in with myself and this journal, for just a little while, each day. To tune into how I'm feeling, and reflect on that. It may sound silly, but there are days when I really hate doing even that. It's why I could never get on board with the whole mindfulness/meditation/yoga extravaganza. But if I'm going to prevent going off the radar again for weeks immersed in computer games and nutella sandwiches (I'm only half exaggerating), I will need to do this little check-in, and be honest. Because I really do feel better when I've had a balanced day. Because cooking usually does relax me, and I always feel better after a long walk but it's so hard to remember those things when I just want to stay inside with the shutters closed, and I'm only about 10% present in real life. So let's start there: I will be 100% present, and listen to myself, for at least ten minutes every day. And if I feel like it I will post pictures of my food

[Candy in Wonderland]

Sounds like a good plan. Good luck!

[Tricia]

^^ thanks for that!

I have to admit today I tried to see if I could delete my thread (both of them). Not that I wanted to back out of the plan, but I have to admit that I'm not sure that the whole primal thing is what I ought to be focusing on right now, and that would maybe mean I'm in the wrong place? I don't know. But then I figured that this is as good a place as any to ramble on about how I'm feeling, and at least it's not anywhere anybody who know me irl would think to look for me (I hope). So if a moderator should feel like I am out of place, they can just delete it, because I don't think I can (?)

So anyway, about today:
It was too hot to do anything active, and I slept in waaay too long. No bad dreams though, which is good. (I did dream about being chased by vampires, which is a pretty mellow dream by my standards - this should say enough about how bad my really bad dreams are!) Sat around and did, well, nothing much but watch silly things on the internet and make some 3D objects for the Sims. I'm done feeling guilty and stupid about that, which is good! I mean, 3D meshing isn't all that easy, and if I were spending all this time, I don't know, crocheting like so many people are, nobody would think that was stupid at all. So there. It's my creative outlet. I don't even know why I'm being all defensive because nobody on here said anything. So maybe I do still have issues

Made a lovely big ass salad with some kick ass hamburgers for myself and the boy, which was good.
Then binged on a big pint of Ben&Jerry's which was, well, not good. I felt a bit sick afterwards (duh). Have also started smoking again on some days (and today was one of those days) which is very, very bad.
I dreaded writing this down, but somehow, actually doing that makes it just seem like very silly things to do and not - I don't know - like I'm a dreadful human being that needs to be punished? Maybe journaling isn't such a bad idea after all. (even if it isn't a real word) Maybe owning up to and accepting the bad will lead to more good somewhere down the road.

[Tricia]

Did not check in tonight because I went straight after work (9pm) to have drinks with colleagues, which was fun in a maybe-once-every-two-months kind of way, so today I'm laying low and drinking a lot of water hehe.

[Tricia]

You know, it seems like I'm stuck in this weird cycle where I have to push myself the wrong way until I'm feeling completely awful, before I can turn around and push myself the other way. That's something to think about. Last night was great, but it's kind of weird that that sort of thing can't happen without the drinking and the smoking. I mean, we have tons of fun when we're fooling around at work, too, and we're obviously not doing any of those things then. So why do it when we go out? It would be nice to not have to spend the next day feeling like a wet dish rag either.
At least I won't be tempted to stay up late tonight

[Tricia]

At least I won't be tempted to stay up late tonight

Man, how wrong was I???
Due to a combination of 'Breaking Bad' on DVD, heat, a slight headache, mosquito's and my bloody boyfriend who wouldn't stop snoring, I only got 2 hours of sleep last night
As a result I could eat everything in sight... I'm really going to try to make it to tonight, because if I go to sleep now, my internal clock will be even more out of wack :/ I'm not making any promises though... :/

[Tricia]

Didn't post yesterday which is *not* good. I did have a very good day though, mood wise at least, because otherwise I keep filling my body with crap. I think all the cycling I'm doing to and from work has to count for something, because it always cheers me up (am also developing a slight tan from it, so I'm getting plenty of vitamin D!) I'm bored with all the junk food though, so today I want to clean + restock my kitchen so I can start to cook proper meals again to take to work. Apart from that (and the rest of the household chores I want to do) I'm taking the day off.