I'm boardinbetty from Utah. (May post my real name later due to the story I'm about to share.)
I first heard about the Primal lifestyle from my boyfriend, now husband. We finally took the leap and started. In a matter of weeks I lost weight, my skin cleared up, my body fat % dropped, and I actually ate less and was more satisfied. (And this is while still cheating a bit with mostly milk and cheese...I love dairy.) I have adult acne of some sort and was getting ready to get married. Not only did I have clear skin for my wedding, but on my wedding day my dress was actually a bit too big. (Last fitting had only been 6 days before!)
Then 2 months after getting married I got devastating news that my husband had been cheating on me since before we even got engaged. Primal and eating all together went out the window. I, of course, lost weight. I simply had no appetite. Oh to have had that last for longer, but it didn't. Because of my emotional state, I honestly have no clue what my diet was, but I know I didn't really gain weight.
Finally, I was able to function enough to appear "normal" on the outside again. I started Primal again and lost about 12 lbs and 3% body fat in about 2-3 weeks time. I was also doing Kettlebell workouts and getting more strength than I ever had with previous workouts, including Kettlebell and felt great! The results were starting to show and I was on my weightloss path.
Then depression set in. The enormity of the cheating and my attempt to try to work things out with my husband (who, in his defense is trying harder to make this work than I ever thought possible) set in. Note, I've never in my life suffered from depression, so this was new to me. Suddenly I can barely get out of bed. I'm crying at home, at work, at the store. I want to die. Just about 2 weeks ago I literally was ready to kill myself, only I'm not suicidal. I just cried for a long time wishing I could find it within me to suddenly become suicidal so I could just end this. I've never wanted so badly to be the kind of person that could take their own life. What a strange scary place that was. Fortunately, that feeling passed within a day or so. The depression still lingered. I headed to Kanarraville for the solar eclipse and hiked Kanarra Creek, a favorite, absolutely stunning hike that I love. On the hike back, I just started crying. I was out of my place of solace in the slot canyon, watching beautiful girls with great bodies walk by, as my chubby self walked out. I'm fit, have always been an athlete, but weigh way too much right now. This depression has been "killing" me.
Since the depression hit, I've quit being Primal, I've started eating junk food again. I gained back every pound I've lost plus an addition 9 lbs on top of that. I'm now 4 lbs from my heaviest weight of 250 lbs. I see my belly that was starting to flatten out, I feel my thighs rubbing, and I just get more depressed. I can't believe the junk I'm eating. It makes me sick, gives me heartburn, and makes me feel like crap about myself, yet I can't stop. I went shopping last weekend and bought only primal foods, but have no energy to prepare them. I've eaten Primal one or two days this week, but then gone right back to "comfort."
I'm trying so hard to get enough energy and motivation to eat primal again. I know if I can get just enough motivation to start, that the benefits of eating primal may help pull me out of this depression. I hope that by actually signing up for the site and using the forum can help me, and maybe other people as well. I ordered the 21 day primal challenge book, even though I've done this before, as a guide to help motivate me for 21 days.
I may post updates in the forums as I go along. But honestly, advice would be wonderful too. Not only am I still a beginner to primal living, but I've never struggled with depression, so trying to restart primal living with these emotions I've never experienced is overwhelming. So anyone that has done this, your advice would be appreciated and I'd be so grateful for it.
Thanks for reading and letting me introduce myself, and I look forward to being a part of this community.
Welcome Betty. Hugs. I hope you will find the support you need here, or elsewhere.
Ancestral Health Info - My main blog about Primal and the general ancestral health movement for people who want to take a flexible approach.