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Thread: In-Laws Feed 3 year old Crap No Matter What We Say page 2

  1. #11
    Emseven's Avatar
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    Primal Fuel
    That is a tricky situation. I wouldn't want to threaten "no visits" unless as an absolute last resort. These people are, for better or worse, part of your life, and you probably want to keep relations as smooth as possible under the circumstances.
    Would more talk about it help? Maybe you can explain to them that your choices are not criticisms of their parenting at all, but that is is very important to you that they respect your decisions in how you're raising your daughter. Tell them how cranky the sugar/wheat makes her, and by all means let them know that aspartame is linked to serious health issues. If you have to make other concessions, I think that's the one thing you should say you do not allow in your child's diet.
    Sending food along with your daughter is a good idea, because it will provide examples for them of the type of thing you'd prefer she eats. It's positive instead of "no, not that!" Although there is always the chance they could be offended by that, too. ("What, our yogurt isn't good enough?")
    I suppose your strongest line of defense is explaining to your child *why* she shouldn't eat some things (Toast makes your tummy feel yucky, remember?) and hope that she comes around a bit on her own. And leading by example.
    And remember that your inlaws are likely not acting out of any kind of maliciousness, just trying to give their grandchild some nice things (in their mind).
    It is troubling, for sure, but if you think long-game -- you're setting your child up for a lifetime of healthy eating -- it might make these roadbumps less worrying.
    I know it's tough. I had to point out to my own mother that chocolate milk is indeed loaded with added sugar (she thought it was just the natural sweetness of dairy!) and so was not an acceptable drink for my two-year-old.
    Good luck.

  2. #12
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    Stuff her with good primal food before she hops in there, that way she'd say 'no' to their food.
    Also, teach her to JUST SAY NO
    Everything is bad for something - How do you feel today?

  3. #13
    MamaAdams's Avatar
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    Grandparents love to spoil their grandchildren. I would just ask them to limit it to maybe one special treat when she is over and explain to them how she behaves when she gets home.

  4. #14
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    It looks like she may not be going there for a while. They came over with some shopping, and our daughter was up late; she couldn't sleep thanks to the sugar and aspartame high. My OH told his mum that she was up because of the sugar, and his mum just said she didn't want to talk about it. So he's told her that they will be discussing it, and she left in a huff. So the fact that she reacted like that is a good enough sign that something needs to be done. For now she won't be going over, and when she does, it won't be nearly as often. We are also going to stop relying on them as much, so they can't use that as an excuse.

    I couldn't believe that she point blank refused to talk about the sugar; I actually had to leave the room because I was so angry!

  5. #15
    Annana's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by MamaAdams View Post
    Grandparents love to spoil their grandchildren. I would just ask them to limit it to maybe one special treat when she is over and explain to them how she behaves when she gets home.
    That would be fine; that's what the other grandparents do. We always told them to limit the sugar but they ignored us and just feed her non stop sugar and rubbish the entire time she's there. It's all so frustrating.

  6. #16
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    Why not just say no?

    You are the parents, and you have the right to say what your three year old eats or does not eat. Period. If someone refuses to feed your child in a way you deem acceptable you have the right, and yes even the responsibility, to take your child out of that situation.

    I would have a conversation with your in-laws in which you explain what you would like your child to eat and why, and ask if they are willing to comply. If the answer is yes, problem solved. If the answer is no then inform them they will no longer be allowed to see your child unsupervised. Explain that you love them, and you love your child, and very much want them to have a relationship with your child. Explain that you are sorry their refusal to go along with your wishes is forcing you to keep them away from them and that if they ever change their mind and decide that they are willing to respect your dietary choices for your child you will gladly go back to having unsupervised visits.

    Yes, it might be hard to say this. They might get mad. They might be hurt. You might miss out on having their much needed help. But really, so what? This is your child you are talking about, and your right as parents to make decision on your childs behalf. In the end, nothing else matters. My two cents.

  7. #17
    JennaRose's Avatar
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    it's YOUR child, not theirs. they had their chance to feed crap to their kids. they need to respect what you feed your child. they can't tell you how to raise your own child

  8. #18
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    How old is your child? Teach her what will upset her tummy and help her to say no. If she knows it will make her feel unwell, I'm guessing she'll either eat none or just a small amount.

  9. #19
    PoppaCap's Avatar
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    What does your husband say to them? They are his parents, he should tell them to abide by your families wishes so you're not the bad guy. Not that you can't say anything but it keeps you from being the bitchy daughter in law.
    If they refuse I would have to restrict the visits some how.
    They are disrespecting your family. They are not the childs parents!
    Last edited by PoppaCap; 05-31-2012 at 02:15 PM.

  10. #20
    js290's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Annana View Post
    We are having a major issue with the in-laws with regards to what they feed her when she visits, and any advice would be wonderful.

    They are so helpful and great in other ways, but when it comes to food, they are awful. For a start they complain if we look at ingredients on packets, or if we even dare mention that sugar or grain is bad for our daughter. When she goes over for the day, she is typically fed such wonderful things as spaghetti hoops on toast, sausage rolls, aspartame laden yoghurt, chocolate, sweets, and now very sugary juice. This was after saying no more sugary juice only yesterday!!

    We have told them from the start that we don't want her eating junk food, and when ever we mention why something is bad for her, they basically tell us to shut up about it and act really offended. We have spoken to them countless times about the issue, but they just do it behind our back regardless. It seems like they have no clue what healthy food is, and it's driving us mad! She comes home from her granny's house angry and hyper, and it can be a struggle getting her to sleep.

    The problem is that they are so helpful and good in other ways, so I don't want to limit her visits. They just won't listen to anything we say, and act as if we are conspiracy nutjobs or something when we say anything. I should also add that her granny is permanently on Weight Watchers.

    What can we do?!
    Get a copy of Fat Head, and send it over with the kids next time. Grandparents and grandkids can watch it together.

    http://www.fathead-movie.com/index.p...ad-is-on-hulu/

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