Today was strange in terms of food. I am not good at listening to my body. As usual, after a binge I hit the gym and today lifted some heavy weights, I did two sets of whole body and was there about 35 minutes. It felt good, but was defintely lacking energy. By lunchtime started to feel a bit nauseous and wondered whether or not to eat lunch. So ironically when I spend most of my day wishing I wasn't hungry so didn't need to eat I ate when I wasn't hungry because I'm not sure whether I am or not?! I jsut can't handle missing out on planned food! I had some leftover chicken curry and a head of broccoli and did feel a bit better.
Something I ate last night is defintely disagreeing with my body. I have terrible stinky wind (bad enough to make my 2 year old cry and beg me to leave the room!), my stomach is audibly churning and making scary noises, my arthriritis in my toes and thumbs is the worse it's been since last winter, I feel sick, I've lost my appetite and I have a thumping headache. Also my umbilical hernia is sticking right out and is super painful. It is either oats (I had about 3/4 cup porridge), walnuts (they were very fresh, about 3/4 cup full so not loads) or cashew nuts (only a few, 6-8 nuts maybe). These nuts I haven't had for a while - could it be them? I had oats a few days ago and they gave me wind but not the sickness. But when I think of the walnuts they make me feel a little ill...could it be them? Why? Hmmmm.
Went to OA meeting but didn't share. My stomach was louder than the other speakers. For dinner I ate a small salad, 3 scrambled eggs with chicken liver pate melted in, a tangerine and a piece of dark chocolate. ONlt 1200 calories for me today which is super low and very unusual.
Still not feeling too well. Maybe I'm just ill and is not the food...but the churning stomach after grain consumption seems a coincidence.
So you're in therapy? Is it helpful? I'm considering it.
Originally Posted by Dexy
I am a borderline anorexic- many years on what I thought was a healthy diet- primal esque but way too low in calories for my metabolism and fat deficient. Increase your fat and calories and the carb cravings will go away.
Not helpful, lifesaving. I've had therapy for about 10 years, I wish I'd had it when I was 14 because I defintely needed it. I have a number of mental health issues, life threatening ones (I include an eating disorder in this, the highest death rate for any mental illness) and I would be long dead if I didn't have help. A supportive, trustoworthy and objective therapist is wonderful. Do give it a go, I love therapy but can't afford it at the moment. I see a psychiatrist regularly though, mental health disorders cannot be left unchecked.
Originally Posted by Gadsie
I think I probably could do with more fat and more calories but the need to binge is usually not physical I don't think. My fat content tends to sit at about 45% of daily intake. I find it a real leap to ditch large quantities of salad and veg for more meat, but I know it would fill me up. For me there is comfort in quantity. I don't even think I'm having card cravings. Maybe sugar sometimes. I think I see carbs as comfort food. I sound confused! I am! Thanks for suggestion.
Originally Posted by fiercehunter
I had breakfast today for first time in 3 weeks. I woek up hungry, then got hungrier, and after dropping child off at pre-school had that raging solar plexus hunger that excludes all else - so I ate. I was a little fearful around it as sometimes breakfast just leaves me even hungrier regardless of what I eat. This was about 3 hours after waking and I had lunch early today as was meeting a friend, so I knew I coudl handle it.
A couple of hours before dinner and just before had a client due I was struck ravenous again so had a tamari egg and some of dinner's bolognese sauce - I was worried about binging but I ate slowly and mindfully and out it back when the intense hunger had stopped. More binging urges after dinner, I put leftovers away immediately now and try hard not to pick at kid's food.
I didn't count calories, I'm feeling mentally heaps better from a few days ago. My bad wind was atrocious last night and I nearly blew my poor husband out of bed but those symptoms are better today. I have a cough and feel a little shivery, but this is probably not a food response, our entire family is sick, but me only a teeny tiny primal little bit.
No excercise today, I had a wee walk with my little one in the pram. I ate:
Breakfast - 3 scrambled eggs with butter and chicken liver pate, small salad.
Lunch - tuna and salad (seriously needed may but didn't have time to make any) and an apple.
Snack - tamari egg, bolognese
Dinner - beef bolognese (grass fed), sweet potatos, Greek yoghurt and a navel orange.
Feeling ok, which is odd as should be wildly pre-menstrual. Pretty tired though, only averaged 5 or 6 hours a night this week
There's a lot on the boards at the moment about EDs and where I thought this kind of discussion would be helpful I actually find it incredibly triggering. I feel terrible shame for being anorexic and there are so many well-meaning voices out there crying 'do this try that' it send me into orbit.
I have eaten a lot today and had breakfast once again but cannot tomorrow as now feel I have to contain my calories for the next few days. I didn't count calories until just now after dinner...I did it for purely scientific purpose though! I wanted to know what 3 good primal meals eating as much as I wanted felt like - and nowhere near as many calories as I thought. About 2400, much more that I would normally eat, but on a carn binge I'll top 40000.
Saw my psychiatrist today who says I'm doing well. A lot better than I was a month ago. So much of my stability is dependant on where I am with my food and body. If I binge I go into meltdown.
No excersize at all today. Going to the gym tomorrow and weigh in day - a bit dreading it as would hate to have gone up. Was 62.6kg on Monday. Two rest days in a row don't suit me and I'm hanging for some lifting.
My IBS is back full force after dinner and have no idea why. Have no grains or seed oils or junk to blame it on. Could be that I ate too much, not good with portion control.
Today I ate:
Breakfast - sweet potatos and leftover beef bolognese, two coffees.
Lunch - leeks sauteed in butter, 4 poached eggs, an apple
Dinner - pulled pork shoulder, nearly the entire crackling (!), carrots, wombuk cabbage followed by a persimmon and some dark chocolate. I'm as full as a butcher's dog.
I have big urges to binge tonight but cannot possiblt be hungry and have eaten quantites of fat and primal food - so that theory doesn't seem to work. However, I'm giving this my best shot. I know primal will work for me, it is working.
And my 4 year old asked for yoghurt and fruit for breakfast this morning instead of porridge and my 2 year old had "eggies". Yay.
I am feeling a little reticent to post here, as I don't want to say anything to trigger you. Plus, I'm just plain shy about posting. However, I wanted to tell you how helpful it was for me to read your posts on this topic. Thank you for sharing your process here. I'm realizing only recently that a lot of my eating and thinking about eating is highly disordered. It's actually a relief to finally admit it as I've spent my life avoiding and denying and rationalizing my behavior (and thinking) around food. And while eating primally has been largely a positive experience for me, I can see how I need a lot more support -- professional and otherwise -- to truly start to get a handle on my mental health issues and ED stuff. I wish you well on your journey. You're definitely not alone...
Thank you Dotty. Neither are you. It's a very hard thing to get honest about and it's very easy to hide (I'm not underweight). I hope you can get some help too.
Originally Posted by Dotty
Feeling a bit shaky this morning. I didn't post last night as was too tired and a bit scared about the food stuff.
Yesterday I missed breakfast and did Les Mills Body Pump at my gym (nobody seems to post about this, I love it!) and took my boys to Sushi Train for a teat they'd earned from their good behaviour sticker charts. I had already planned what to have which helped as hundreds of plates chugged past me. I ate 2 plates of seaweed, 2 sahimi and some edamame beans and a green tea. That was at about midday. At lunchtime I had a salad, sweet potato, 2 poached eggs and a persimmon. I felt greedy and a bit full, basically I had 2 lunches.
At dinner I made a strirfry out of left over pork shoulder which was full of gai lan, chili, gingerm, garlic, beansprouts, mushrooms and red capsicum. I was pretty full but had my yoghurt and a tangelo anyway becasue it was on my foodplan. I felt stuffed. But then at about 9.30 I was hungry again but very careful not to binge. I had the leftover stir fry (breakthrough) and a little bit more yoghurt with some grapes. Then I felt ok and I DIDN'T BINGE!!! But I still went to bed feeling as if I'd failed. Couldn't sleep last night and a bit tearful about it this morning.
BTW I weighed in at 62.6kg again so no change at all.
My food plan was to have no breakfast again this morning but I was hunfry and had 3 fried eggs, fried mushrooms and a tomato. I feel bad and fat. But I'm neither, so i will plough on.
My food for the rest of the day will be:
Lunch - tuscan cabbage (never had this before!) and some more pork, a persimmon
Dinner - BAS and sardines (will try some homemade mayo), tangelo and dark chocolate.
Am off to OA meeting tonight and will need to check in with my sponsor as she jsut got back from holiday. I need to add oats as a trigger food to my food plan and abstinent foods.
Feeling scared, want to go to the gym and do some cardio but have a bad chest and have promised to spend the morningwith my kids. Aaahh. This is hard work, but I'm ok.