I've just got back from a week on a luxury tropical island - where the food was abundant and not at all primal. Consequently I went into binge relapse and have lost the 40 or so days I had binge free. Those hotel buffet breakfasts are obscne and I just couldn't cope with them.
I didn't go beserk with my eating, but I have overeaten to the point where I can't do up my jeans and I feel revolting. I tried to eat primal, but there was a lot of processed food and everyting was cooked in canola oil. Anyway, I don't want to dwell on it now. I have no idea how much I've gained, but it feels like a lot. And it looks like a lot, I seem to have lost my waist line and have serious muffin top bulge.
I decided yesterday I was going to do some serious restricting and IF, but it seems my OA program and all the reading I do on this forum has paid off as I know this is not the way forward to me and will keep me in relapse and food obsession. I am active and healthy, my body will lose any excess weight probably quite quickly. I will probably restict a little and make sure I eaat only 3 meals a day, I feel rather out of control and not at all happy with my body right now.
Plus side I gained an awesome tan. I only lay in the sun for about 40 minutes between 9 and 10am, and have turned a beautiful helthy shade of brown. On the down side, a few deserts and a change in diet have brought on a hideous case of thrush. I didn't take my probiotics with me either and I'm in tatters as a result. I'm cutting out any sugars and vinegars for a couple of weeks completely, I don't even want fruit as I dont' want to trigger it. I'm popping in to see one of the naturopaths at my local vitamin shop today and see if they can dose me up with some super strength probiotics to knock this on the head. Also my joints are swollen up and despite having had enogh sleep I have very black under-eyes, I'm sure from the lack of good fats.
I am craving butter and green vegetables. I just want to eat 3 clean meals a day and let my body settle back down with some slow movement and getting back into my daily routine. I've also decided to make a concerted effort to get to sleep an hour earlier as sleep deprivation is just another stressor I could do without.
I have learned some lessons about my diet this holiday and I can see now how much I benefit from clean primal food. I am quite ill from all the sugar and nasty oils, and I even had a couple of deserts with wheat in.
How grateful I am that I have the sense now to move forward in a kind and healthy way and not punish myself further. I had a dream last night about climbing some steps, they were spiritual steps and I saw them as the 12 steps of recovery. A fellow climber was telling me I needed to reach the top to atone for not living a good life and that the climb was a worthy punishment for not having lived properly. I told him no, I was climbing the steps because I was worthy of reaching the top and the top was what I deserved. How cool is that?!