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Thread: Please help, I need advice page 22

  1. #211
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    Primal Fuel
    Oh, and wheat has a blood-brain barrier effect where it can get into your brain and increase appetite. It is estimated that it makes you eat 400 calories per day extra. So stay away from wheat and your body will give you the proper cues of how much to eat if you ignore your brain.

  2. #212
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    Quote Originally Posted by billp View Post
    Being a parent is quite a complicated business. You'll see the things your parents want you to see. I ma sure she notices when you skip a meal but is not sure what to do.
    She's used to it though. And she can see that I'm obviously not underweight so she doesn't need to worry.

    Nope, bodyweight is not related to starvation mode. You are either starving or you aren't, at any weight. It takes weeks of very large eating to get out of starvation mode. It doesn't happen with one meal, or even ten.
    I googled starvation mode and lots of sites say it's a myth.

    Yes, it is a property of wheat. It is why most people here don't eat it. Rice and starchy veg are fine. As hungry as you are now, wheat would actually be fine for you too.No one knows why Aneorexics feel like that. The only solutio is to eat more, as that improves the mental processes and gets you out of that state. You can't think your way out because it is a mental condition. You have to eat your way out.
    I ate heaps of food (including plenty of fat) both yesterday and today and it didn't help at all.

    Racing certainty. Your life and health is much more important then delaying some exams, and it should be obvious that anxiety about your exams is a primary cause. Taking your exams later or even dropping back a year doesn't matter in the slightest. Anyone can see you need an immediate long break from school and school related stress. This kind of thing (resits, dropping back a year, etc.) happens all the time and just doesn't matter in the long run - unlike your own health, which is the only real thing of value you have. I resat my own similar exams at 18, and it was much easier the second time round.
    Maybe things are different here because I haven't heard of anyone redoing year 12 unless they're a competitive athlete or something. I'd hate to have to do it again with the year below. I know that it is an option but it would be very embarrassing and there are only a few months left until end-of-year exams so I'll just try to survive until then.
    Quote Originally Posted by teach2183 View Post
    Please tell someone around you.

    I taught HS physics for a few years. I had a student tell me he was cutting, I went straight to the social worker and from there nobody else in school found out.

    My DH is a HS social worker. If he heard the things you are posting here from one of his students, he would send them straight to the hospital. You NEED help, like yesterday. Stop worrying about how others will react, you will get through this.

    I coached a HS sophomore last summer. She was bright, athletic, a pleasure to get along with. From the outside it appeared that she had a great life. I spoke with the mom at the beginning of this calendar year and found out shortly after I stopped working with her that she started treatment for an ED. Her parents had high standards and did expect a lot out of her, but dropped everything to help her. They rearranged everything to be sure she was getting exactly what she needed to start feeling better. They even recognized that playing on a lower level sports team was better for her because it meant less pressure. I suspect your parents will have a similar response.
    That's part of the problem; I don't want my parents to have to drop everything for me. I don't want to be a burden.

    Quote Originally Posted by teach2183 View Post
    Oh, and wheat has a blood-brain barrier effect where it can get into your brain and increase appetite. It is estimated that it makes you eat 400 calories per day extra. So stay away from wheat and your body will give you the proper cues of how much to eat if you ignore your brain.
    That's interesting. I think fructose does the same thing.

  3. #213
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ribbons View Post
    There's no point in telling anyone. It's my fault I don't study enough and it's my fault that I restrict calories for a while and then binge. No one forced me to eat. I knew what I was doing at the time, I just didn't know it would make me so depressed afterwards.
    Fault is another one of these things that doesn't really matter. Is it really your fault that you pushed yourself to hard while revising? Or you weren't aware of the mental consequences of calorie restricted diets? Not really. You tried something and it didn't work. That is always happening, to everyone. The trick is to give up doing what doesn't work and to try something else.

    You can totally eat your way out of depression. Beef suet. Works very well.
    I need to do well at school so I can get into a good university. Otherwise I have no idea what I'm going to do next year.
    Sure, but you can't do well while you are not eating enough. You will get into a better university once your results are better, which means getting over the whole anorexia thing and having a long period stress-free and restoring your health and fitness - like taking up parkour. There is no law that says you can to go to university when you are 18 and not 19. I went at 19. I think it might have been an advantage overall.

    What are you going to do next year? Well, you are going to need a good month's rest right away, once you are eating properly again. You will need a good long time away from school stuff. You can read some proper novels for fun. You can start a blog about yourself and how you beat anorexia. You can take up an outdoor exercise or a martial art. You'll enjoy that once you are feeling stronger. It is already June, so it is only six months until the school year begins again and you can have another go. You will have the perfect medical excuse. It is a medical problem that you have. You will need time to recover.
    Thanks but no it's ok, I used to cut more and then I stopped for a while and now I only do it when I'm extremely stressed.
    I can promise you I have had more stressful things happen to me in the last year than you have, but you don't see me cutting myself. You don't ever want to do something like that.
    They're not worried about me because they think I'm happy and getting good grades. If I tell them anything I'm sure they won't know what to do and they'll either do something unhelpful or they'll just worry and I don't want to add more stress to their lives.
    If they don't know what to do they will learn what to do very quickly. Your parents already know, anyway. It is just a question of you and them getting on the same page so they can help you better. Once people have a plan to work on then it isn't stressful any more, it is a great relief.

    Go eat something, anyway. You need to to start feeling better.

  4. #214
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ribbons View Post

    That's part of the problem; I don't want my parents to have to drop everything for me. I don't want to be a burden.
    They are your parents. They love you. You won't be a burden.

    I raised 4 children - all adults in their 30s now with children of their own. I had issues with my twin daughters when they were teenagers. I jumped through hoops to straighten them out. We went to counseling once a week. They also were on the high school swim team and had a coach who cared. They turned out fine. Sometimes it takes a third party outside of the family to help. If you are having a problem you can't talk to your parents about, then seek out a teacher, coach, counselor, priest, minister, aunt, uncle, neighbor. It really helps to air your problems rather than internalizing them.

  5. #215
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    Quote Originally Posted by billp View Post
    Fault is another one of these things that doesn't really matter. Is it really your fault that you pushed yourself to hard while revising? Or you weren't aware of the mental consequences of calorie restricted diets? Not really. You tried something and it didn't work. That is always happening, to everyone. The trick is to give up doing what doesn't work and to try something else.

    You can totally eat your way out of depression. Beef suet. Works very well.

    Sure, but you can't do well while you are not eating enough. You will get into a better university once your results are better, which means getting over the whole anorexia thing and having a long period stress-free and restoring your health and fitness - like taking up parkour. There is no law that says you can to go to university when you are 18 and not 19. I went at 19. I think it might have been an advantage overall.

    What are you going to do next year? Well, you are going to need a good month's rest right away, once you are eating properly again. You will need a good long time away from school stuff. You can read some proper novels for fun. You can start a blog about yourself and how you beat anorexia. You can take up an outdoor exercise or a martial art. You'll enjoy that once you are feeling stronger. It is already June, so it is only six months until the school year begins again and you can have another go. You will have the perfect medical excuse. It is a medical problem that you have. You will need time to recover.
    I can't just drop out of school. I'd have to tell everyone why and it's not too late for me to do well in the exams at the end of the year anyway because the work isn't that hard to understand, I just haven't had any motivation to study. But I know that I can do ok if I really push myself.

    I can promise you I have had more stressful things happen to me in the last year than you have, but you don't see me cutting myself. You don't ever want to do something like that.
    It's an impulsive thing. Usually I can stop myself but sometimes I just need to cut. I'm trying to stop though because the scars don't always heal well.

    If they don't know what to do they will learn what to do very quickly. Your parents already know, anyway. It is just a question of you and them getting on the same page so they can help you better. Once people have a plan to work on then it isn't stressful any more, it is a great relief.
    My parents don't know anything. But maybe I'll tell them about my eating issues if I want help one day.

    Go eat something, anyway. You need to to start feeling better.
    Haha wtf, I had a panic attack in the shower earlier and cried for 3 hours because I couldn't make myself throw up. Obviously eating more isn't going to help.

  6. #216
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lynna View Post
    They are your parents. They love you. You won't be a burden.

    I raised 4 children - all adults in their 30s now with children of their own. I had issues with my twin daughters when they were teenagers. I jumped through hoops to straighten them out. We went to counseling once a week. They also were on the high school swim team and had a coach who cared. They turned out fine. Sometimes it takes a third party outside of the family to help. If you are having a problem you can't talk to your parents about, then seek out a teacher, coach, counselor, priest, minister, aunt, uncle, neighbor. It really helps to air your problems rather than internalizing them.
    I can't think of anyone I'd want to tell though. I'm really bad at telling people about my problems.

  7. #217
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ribbons View Post
    I can't think of anyone I'd want to tell though. I'm really bad at telling people about my problems.
    you just told an entire board of real people you want to die.

    you have people giving you the attention you are seeking and you disregard their advice. get help. not from here, in real life.

    I think what perplexes me is that you want to convey the message of despair yet you put the effort and energy into refuting the arguments of everyone who offers advice. It doesnt fit, sorry.
    Last edited by amberlee; 06-05-2012 at 07:01 AM.

  8. #218
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    or, at least, it is nearly midnight, get some sleep instead of waiting to see who responds on this forum.

  9. #219
    billp's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ribbons View Post
    I can't just drop out of school. I'd have to tell everyone why and it's not too late for me to do well in the exams at the end of the year anyway because the work isn't that hard to understand, I just haven't had any motivation to study. But I know that I can do ok if I really push myself.
    Nothing says it even has to be the same school. Maybe you will be fine once you start eating normally again. What I mean is that if you did have to resit stuff it wouldn't really matter. Your own health is more important that school, and as long as you are in good health (i.e. eating properly) school and university related stuff is much more fixable. It is not just about motivation or pushing yourself. You can't do either of those things unless you are properly nourished, and that is going to involve eating a lot more for months, panic attacks notwithstanding. They will pass, anyway. I juist think you need a really big break to relax, rebuild your strength and appetite, and get away from studying for a while. It is making you ill. I remember being at school and things like being ashamed about dropping behind or resitting. But as an adult I realise it just doesn't matter, it is all about doing things in a way that suits you. It is one of the reasons school is such a poor preparation for life, as real life is all about rejigging things.
    Last edited by billp; 06-05-2012 at 08:04 AM.

  10. #220
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ribbons View Post
    I used to cut more and then I stopped for a while and now I only do it when I'm extremely stressed.
    I think this is awesome!!! This is a real improvement over how you used to be. And your posting here is helping you, even if you don't think so. Please keep reading, keep talking, keep answering questions.

    Today's question: How do you feel about, say 900 calories a day? I know 2000 calories freaks you out, but can you handle 900 approximately? It's less food than you need, but if you make those calories chock full of nutrition, it's workable.
    5'0" female, 43 years old. Started Primal October 31, 2011, at a skinny fat 111.5 lbs. Low weight: 99.5 lb on a fast. Current weight: skinny-fat 106.5 lbs because of sugar cheating.

    MY PRIMAL: I (try to) follow by-the-book primal as advocated by Mark Sisson, except for whey powder and a bit of cream. I aim for 80-90 g carb/day and advocate a two-month strict adjustment for newbies. But everybody is different and other need to tweak Primal to their own needs.

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