Please help, I need advice page 17

[Metric]

Ok, slow down a second.

No one is diagnosing anyone. we don't have enough information to do so, nor do most of us have any training.

But, both you, Gadsie, and you, Ribbons, have sent out enough *red flags* for people here to be concerned that you have an unhealthy relationship with food that could be, or could lead to, an eating disorder.

And thus, we have recommended that you get help. Ultimately, we cannot help you, because we are not trained to help you, only a person who is trained to help you can help you.

The therapy that you will be getting will not involve nutritional counseling from the therapist. That is not their area of expertise. When a person goes for in-patient care for eating disorders, then there are doctors and nutritionists who manage the health side of things, and the therapists manage the anxiety and mental health issues side of things.

For the two of you, the most you will be receiving at this point from a therapist is the mental-health side of things. You will be uncovering why you are anxious and how it works and manifests in your life, and how to overcome that anxiety. This may involve all manner of therapeutic methodology -- it depends entirely on the therapist and what you require.

And, it does work. My husband -- who struggled with anxiety and disordered eating (but was never diagnosed with an eating disorder, though ortherxia may have been very close to how he behaved) -- received about 2-3 years of solid, deep counseling that did him a world of good. I had neither anxiety nor depression, but I was struggling a great deal, and by getting therapy, I was able to work through codependency and other related behavioral issues that were causing me all manner of emotional hardship and difficulty. I was in therapy for about a year, year and a half.

Over the years, my husband and I have returned to therapy for certain amounts of time (several months) both individually and together -- to help work through specific issues where we felt we lacked the tools and felt that therapy could help us.

I cannot recommend therapy enough, even to seemingly normal, healthy people. Even now, I feel that if I could afford to go to therapy, I would -- just because I find it to be *that* beneficial. As it is, I do get "supervision" which is sort of therapeutic-light, but based on my work, and not much outside of that (it's designed to facilitate appropriate boundaries between my work and my own therapeutic self-work, if you know what I mean). I go to a very talented supervisor, and I value him -- and the process -- very highly.

While I understand that the vulnerability of going to counseling is scary, it is wholly confidential -- even for teens. The only time the confidentiality *may be* broken is *if* the therapist feels that you will harm yourself or someone else. In most cases, this would be managed by the appropriate emergency teams (such as calling an ambulance to your house, or calling the police to get protection for the person whom the person in therapy may harm). Since it is unlikely that you would come to these extremes, you have nothing to fear about your confidentiality.

Please, stay dedicated to getting help. It is very helpful, and so very worth it.

+1.

[Metric]

Aw thank you

I know that we have Medicare but I don't know if it would come up on my parents bills or something. But maybe I'll do some research if I don't get any better in the next few days/weeks.

If I'm not mistaken, Australia and Canada have a similar medical system. If I would go to the emergency room for something, such as seeing a psychiatrist or counsellor at the hospital, I'm am almost 100% positive that it would be 100% covered here in Canada. I have never gotten anything in the mail about my attending the hospital. It doesn't hurt to go and ask the person at the admissions desk about the policies involving this kind of help and the confidentiality policy. If you don't like the answer, then at least you know their policies and can decide from there. They may have an absolute strict policy about discussing such issues. My husband and I share a file at the hospital, but he cannot find out anything about my medical history due to privacy legislation. It may very well be the same in Australia.

[shelleyldale]

I didn't post any advice before because honestly I really think you need to get outside help and I don't know if you will really manifest changes on your own at the point. But it's been eating away at me and I thought I'd share my thoughts. If they help, awesome. Either way, I still think you need to tell someone whats going on and reach out.

OK, you know with aa and na, addicts don't really stop being addicts by going off alcohol or drugs, they start by substituting one addiction for another. being addicted to group meetings won't kill them or harm their family, so it's where you start.
You are suffering many issues, but think of it as an addiction to control over food. If you can't "just stop" or "get better" over night (which lets face it, you won't. It takes time, work and help) then at least use your obsession to get you on the road to health while you get to the point where you can get help.

You need to count calories? Use that. Make it a goal to get a certain amount in. This will be hard hard work at firs,t but make a commitment to do it. For your organs. Your brain. Your skin. Your muscles. Your happiness. Your ability to excel at homework.
Start by, for one week, eating 250-300 calories 3 times a day. 3 meals. itty bitty meals. This is still keeping you in starvation, but you are retraining your body to freaking eat. do it every day.
Week 2- add 100 calories to each meal.
week 3 or 4- add 100 calories more to each meal.
When you do this, you will be at 1500 calories approx per day. Which STILL ISN'T ENOUGH FOR YOU. But will be much better than starving while you get help.

I'd challenge you to do the previous, and also

~Connect with your mom. If she cooks dinner, go offer to help. If she doesn't let you cook meat, offer to make a salad. If she doesn't let you cook at all, make a pot of tea and ask her about her day. You are totally cut off from your parents and friends right now and, frankly, you need a support system. Don't let food and body image drive a wedge between family. It's so not worth it.
At dinner (when you are going to eat, right? 300 calories. that's a portion of meat, some veg, cooked in a little fat. I'd contend that you could be fine eating some rice or bread right now, but if you need to control it, baby steps. Eat your meat and veg)-sit with your family. Talk to your parents. Not about food or eating, but about your day. Their day. Tell them thank you for making dinner.

~Be good and nice to YOU! Every time you eat, tell yourself you are nourishing your body, mind and spirit. You aren't religious and I get. So don't thank God or anything, but thank YOURSELF for making good choice. Every time you have a negative thought about food, eating, body, fat, self control- stop. see that thought in your mind, label it as self destructive thinking, and allow it to leave your mind. It's going to happen over and over at first. replace it with good things about you, about life.
"I am healthy. I am happy. I am whole. I nourish my body." etc.

~Try to find a new hobby. I am serious. Try reading novels, or playing outside, or knitting, or yoga, or anything, just get out their and start living, hon. You are way to young to not have any interest except for killing yourself, which is what you a currently doing. <3

Please take this all knowing I am trying to help and that you are most definitely in my thoughts and heart right now. I've suffered body dysmorphia and some obsessions with food and body and it's no way to live.

[VacillateWildly]

It's essential that you get help. I started with depression and anxiety in childhood, an ED at 15, then escalated into behaviours and addictions in my late teens and twenties which I'm not going to post about here. I was a breathing train wreck and I wouldn't wish it on anybody. I ought to be long dead, that's how serious these insidious illnesess are. You won't beat it because it has you already by the short and curlies. Life is good, I wish I'd lived my twenties instead of losing them. I'm 38 now and in ED relapse. It's not pretty. Save yourself darling girl, nobody else can do it for you.

[zoebird]

Best of luck to you, too, Dexy.

[VacillateWildly]

You need to count calories? Use that. Make it a goal to get a certain amount in. This will be hard hard work at firs,t but make a commitment to do it. For your organs. Your brain. Your skin. Your muscles. Your happiness. Your ability to excel at homework.
Start by, for one week, eating 250-300 calories 3 times a day. 3 meals. itty bitty meals. This is still keeping you in starvation, but you are retraining your body to freaking eat. do it every day.
Week 2- add 100 calories to each meal.
week 3 or 4- add 100 calories more to each meal.
When you do this, you will be at 1500 calories approx per day. Which STILL ISN'T ENOUGH FOR YOU. But will be much better than starving while you get help.

.

Counting calories could be detrimental and further fixation on food. I'm in danger zone when I count calories, my freedom from food comes with letting go of the calories. Also, when I'm restricting and anyone suggests that I simply eat more I ignore them. It's like telling an alcoholic they can only have one or two drinks. That ain't gonna happen either because the addiction come from the first drink. With food it comes from the calorie counting with the first mouthful.

[zoebird]

Or any number of things. These disorders manifest in a lot of unique combinations, and there's no telling which combination someone is just by looking at it.

that's why getting help is *imperative* -- people are professionally trained to accurately determine all of the elements of a disorder and how the help the individual into the right behavioral patterns and exercises that will help them.

getting a psych evaluation, btw, is not that difficult -- they ask you a few questions and observe your answers.

[Ribbons]

Thanks for all the good advice everyone. I know you're all probably right about everything like telling my parents and stuff but I can't tell them yet. I have a mid-year exam in just over a week and then in a few months I have like 6 other exams. A couple of months ago I went through a stage where I wasn't eating much (more than now though) and my mum said something like "now's not the time to get anorexia, you're in year 12". She won't understand; she'll think I'm choosing this.

Btw I'm not counting calories in a food diary or anything but the number of calories of everything I eat sort of pops up in my head and I can't help but add up all my calories for the day.

[Ribbons]

If I go to a GP will they want to weigh me? Is my weight even relevant?

[billp]

Make sure you eat enough in the next week - eat as much as you can. You absolutely need to to perform well in your exams and to retain the things your are learning now. Eat eat eat. Then once the exams are over you can have a good think about what you want your strategy to be. I agree with Dexy that is is not a good idea to count calories. The human appetite is naturally an automatic process - one you make it an intellectual process it sets the stage for long term malnutrition.

So eat loads for the next weeks or so before and on the days of the exams, then re-asses.