'I know it's not healthy but it feels like it's a good thing...' You're contradicting yourself a lot in these posts. You seem to know you have a bad relationship with food but you're not ready to accept advice about it. You have an obsession with weight loss which is actually working against you. Seriously, if you eat low calorie long term, the weight is not going to budge, and the more you do it, the more deficiencies you'll have, and the harder it will get. Taking on a primal diet is not just about changing the food you eat, but also changing how you think about food.
Food is life, and you're depriving yourself of a fun life.
Although I agree that talking therapy can help some people, it doesn't work for everyone. I've never been able to talk to a stranger properly about mental health stuff. I found that a healthier lifestyle, and talking to strangers on the internet helped me more when I have had bouts of depression. This forum is probably the best place you could come to talk about nutrition!
There is a very fine line between developing a full-blown eating disorder, or turning your perfectionist personality towards something more positive instead. Ever looked at 'thinspo' pictures? Why not look at 'fitspo' instead? You could weigh 130 lbs but look lean and fabulous if you are also fit. And people won't have a go at you for eating primal, because they'll see from your muscles and gorgeous skin that you're not anorexic, but healthy and strong. Maybe find a sport you love and get obsessed with that instead. Find hobbies that excite you, to take your mind away from food and dieting.
There is wayyyyy more things to achieve in life than just being thin. I look at pics of me at 18, I was pretty thin but I was so miserable! I'd like to be lean again but uber-healthy and happy this time around!
Last edited by CaveWeirdo; 06-02-2012 at 08:10 PM.
Thing is, you don't actually need to loose weight. At your height, your weight is fine, and there are many women at your height/weight who look great.
But, keep getting help.
I had a coffee with milk and I started crying a few minutes later because I felt full and also milk is high in carbs. I feel so stupid because I'm not always like this. I have coffee everyday and I'm usually fine with it.
You very likely have body dysmorphia as well. So, you'll forgive me if I just don't take your word for it.
My husband is pesky. When he feels anxious, he projects his body dysmorphia onto others. He did it this morning. Quite annoying.
Or, she's a completely different body type.
You are all wrapped around the axel about something that isn't all that important long term. What is important is your overall health and well being.
There are layers to this.
There are many body types, and different people will have different amounts of body fat that keeps them healthy. The range for adult women is actually 18-34% body fat can be healthy. This means that some women will be healthy at 34% body fat, but will be unhealthy if they were 30% body fat. Another woman might be healthy at 18% body fat and unhealthy at 24% body fat.
There's no "one size fits all." We all have different amounts of muscle (both slow and fast twitch) and how the muscle is distributed in our bodies. We have different frames and bone densities. We even have different organ sizes and weights. And, we have different body fat percentages.
This means, therefore, that 10 women of the same height will look and weigh completely different amounts. What matters is not how much fat they have, but whether or not it is the right amount of body fat *for them*. And, this is indicated by their overall health and well being.
A woman who requires more body fat will become sick when she has too little. Likewise, a woman who requires less body fat will become sick when she has too much.
As far as I can tell, you have had neither situation -- other than a harsh self-judgement that you are "not right."
Second to this, if you were in the category of requiring to loose weight for your health and well being, there are healthy and unhealthy ways to do so. You are currently on the fast-track to "unhealthy" and making yourself very, very sick. It is not normal or healthy to only eat 150-500 calories in a day. It is starvation, and a hallmark of anorexia.
This sort of starvation will create muscle and fat loss, as well as brittle bones and teeth, loss of your hair, skin problems, fertility issues, and ultimately organ failure and death.
On the other hand, if you were to consume 1800 calories a day (assuming you are not exercising) of highly nutritious foods such as the primal blueprint/paleo diet advocates, and participate in movement prescribed by the primal blueprint as well, then you would likely notice that you will become more healthy in a lot of ways - whether or not you loose body fat (though most people do -- even if they are a healthy body fat percentage, they'll shift down about 2-4 percentage points as they build muscle).
So, while I don't believe that you need to loose weight, and I likewise believe that you are being very unhealthy, and I'm very glad that you are seeking help for your mental health, if you were to follow the primal blueprint properly, and eat a good amount of calories, you may just prove me wrong.
My main concern is that you don't kill yourself by not eating. And crying over coffee is really not normal.
Ugh I'm sorry I keep posting here. I know how annoying I am and I'm sure everyone hates me by now but I just really don't know what to do. I keep crying because of how much I ate and I think it was 420 cals including coffee and I know it's not that much because I had around the same amount yesterday but it feels like more and I'm scared that I'm going to eat again later but I don't want to because I already regret eating today. Ugh I can't stop crying, I don't know why it's so much worse today.
If you don't know how much fat is healthy for you then you cannot know that you have too much.
If you have always wanted to loose weight, it's an indication that you really have no clue what health is for you. You've always been growing, so how is it that you've always needed to loose weight? This is just fixation.
Not enough calories in one day.I was sort of putting off eating today but I eventually decided to have lunch at 4.30ish so I had 2 scrambled eggs with a small tin of tuna and then I had some Greek yoghurt and it added up to around 380 calories (I didn't weigh my food so I had to guess).
This is what anorexics do. They eat a minimal amount of food daily and starve themselves unhealthy.
You should have dinner, because only infants in utero live on this few calories per day.I was going to make this a normal low carb sort of day but now I don't know whether to have dinner tonight or not because I feel like I shouldn't have had lunch.
You could always contact the counsellor and see if someone can see you sooner. It can't hurt.I'm really not trying to go against what everyone's saying but this is really stressful. I spend so much time thinking about whether to eat or not that it's like I've lost the argument if I choose to eat. And I have to wait another 8 days to talk to the counsellor and that probably won't be helpful anyway and I can't tell anyone I know, so I know I have to do this on my own but I constantly feel like I'm making the wrong choice whether I eat or don't eat.
Also, just go against your own mind -- if possible. Eat 1800 calories a day. Do whatever you can to eat that much, no matter what your head is telling you.