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Thread: Primal Feet First: In Search of Lost Time or Remembrance of Things Past page 98

  1. #971
    cori93437's Avatar
    cori93437 is offline Senior Member
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    Because I was raised in it, a home where domestic violence was the norm, it was very much a part of my problem too...
    I have accepted that part of it.
    I really had to hit bottom, so to speak, and get to a very, very bad place in order to get out and recover from it.
    Though I guess I'm still in recovery.

    It's strange to speak about it and to realize that the terms align so much with addiction. But it does.
    You make excuses for the behavior. You accept/do things you normally wouldn't. You lie to cover it up.
    The list goes on and on.
    “You have your way. I have my way. As for the right way, the correct way, and the only way, it does not exist.”
    ~Friedrich Nietzsche
    And that's why I'm here eating HFLC Primal/Paleo.


  2. #972
    cori93437's Avatar
    cori93437 is offline Senior Member
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    'Wet Cement', a creme gray, and 'Bombshell', a multi-glitter of slivery/minty multi-color are the pedi-du jour.

    Those were the most ominous sounding colors I could find in my collection.
    And the colors sort of match the general mood as well.

    I have a hair appointment on Saturday and I'm actually dreading it.
    That's not exactly normal for me is it.
    I'm dreading it because I'm going in and asking my stylist to return my hair back to "natural" so that in case things go belly up around here I won't have the cost of color maintenance anymore. Just cuts.

    I'm now on actual tranquilizers to sleep.
    Its a mild tranq, but still.
    This is fun.
    Not.

    At least I may possibly see some weight loss again due to anxiety induced zero appetite at all issues.
    I think this will stretch out until... I heard maybe October.
    I'm fighting the decision and going through some other processes though so, I don't know... maybe longer.
    “You have your way. I have my way. As for the right way, the correct way, and the only way, it does not exist.”
    ~Friedrich Nietzsche
    And that's why I'm here eating HFLC Primal/Paleo.


  3. #973
    namelesswonder's Avatar
    namelesswonder is offline Senior Member
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    ...



    [[more hugs]]
    Journal on depression/anxiety
    Curing IBS-C with Vitamin C and magnesium citrate.

  4. #974
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    Pebbles67 is online now Senior Member
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    Sorry Cori. We are with you in spirit. FWIW. Let us know if there is anything concrete that we can do.

  5. #975
    namelesswonder's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Pebbles67 View Post
    Let us know if there is anything concrete that we can do.
    Ditto!
    Journal on depression/anxiety
    Curing IBS-C with Vitamin C and magnesium citrate.

  6. #976
    cori93437's Avatar
    cori93437 is offline Senior Member
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    Thanks for the thoughts and well wishes people.
    I wish there was a way that I could write this post that was easier than it is.
    There is no way.

    There has been a drain that I have been circling in wide lazy circles for a good long time now, somewhat hypnotized and paralyzed by the center horizon as only a person with clinical depression can be.
    I have been in denial.
    Putting on the game face and playing the "I'm fine" laughing it off tunes...
    Pretending the insomnia was just me reading when I haven't had the concentration to be able to finish a book in forever.
    Pretending.
    Distracting myself with small trivial things and pretending, and putting on the right faces, and losing chunks of time. I mean to do a thing and suddenly a weak has passed... or two, and I don't even realize.


    I won't go into the depth of it because there is no way to really explain it here.
    But mental health services will be involved immediately.
    My husband and I had a talk this morning after I haven't slept again even on the tranquilizers... and he was very upset.
    I feel numb still.
    Do you know how many times I've been asked this on a questionnaire question and responded "No", because that's what I'm supposed to say. I'm supposed to be strong and say I'm fine. They expect you to just answer a perfect stranger just like that... something I needed the confidence and reassurance of my husband to admit.
    “You have your way. I have my way. As for the right way, the correct way, and the only way, it does not exist.”
    ~Friedrich Nietzsche
    And that's why I'm here eating HFLC Primal/Paleo.


  7. #977
    JoanieL's Avatar
    JoanieL is offline Senior Member
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    Hugs here also. I wish I could be of more help.
    "Right is right, even if no one is doing it; wrong is wrong, even if everyone is doing it." - St. Augustine

    B*tch-lite

    Who says back fat is a bad thing? Maybe on a hairy guy at the beach, but not on a crab.

  8. #978
    namelesswonder's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by cori93437 View Post
    Do you know how many times I've been asked this on a questionnaire question and responded "No", because that's what I'm supposed to say. I'm supposed to be strong and say I'm fine. They expect you to just answer a perfect stranger just like that... something I needed the confidence and reassurance of my husband to admit.
    Been there. A lot. It's so easy to lie & so easy to make it all a habit. I'm glad your husband is there in the way that you need.
    Journal on depression/anxiety
    Curing IBS-C with Vitamin C and magnesium citrate.

  9. #979
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    naiadknight is online now Senior Member
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    I've been in my version of the darkness more recently than I care to admit. If there is anything, concrete, virtual, anything I can do to help extend a ladder down to you, please let me know. The dark hole is no one's friend.
    "No fate but what we make"- Sarah Connor, Terminator 2
    Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, steak in one hand, chocolate in the other, yelling "Holy F***, What a Ride!"
    My Primal Battle Tome

  10. #980
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    badgergirl is online now Senior Member
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    Words on a screen aren't much, but there's real feeling behind them to lend them weight - anything at all that I can do, let me know (I'm awake when your side of the world should be asleep so I offer hand holding for insomnia).
    My journal: http://www.marksdailyapple.com/forum/thread60211.html Into RPG table top games? Check out FateStorm and (in development) Vanguard! 3D printed miniatures for sci-fi RPGs.

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