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Thread: Primal Feet First: In Search of Lost Time or Remembrance of Things Past page 76

  1. #751
    badgergirl's Avatar
    badgergirl is online now Senior Member
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    Sending love, Cori. Seriously - huge love.
    My journal: http://www.marksdailyapple.com/forum/thread60211.html Into RPG table top games? Check out FateStorm and (in development) Vanguard!

  2. #752
    namelesswonder's Avatar
    namelesswonder is online now Moderator
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    Big hugs & love coming your way. Take care of that head of yours.
    Journal on depression/anxiety
    Currently trying to figure out WTF to eat (for IBS-C).

  3. #753
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    sidewinder is offline Member
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    Coming out of lurkdom to send big hugs.

  4. #754
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    naiadknight is online now Senior Member
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    Hugs and love. Be careful.
    "No fate but what we make"- Sarah Connor, Terminator 2
    Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, steak in one hand, chocolate in the other, yelling "Holy F***, What a Ride!"
    My Primal Battle Tome

  5. #755
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    jenn26point2 is online now Senior Member
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    I've been MIA for a while. Glad I dropped in so I could also share hugs. I hope your travels go well. Sorry for your loss. Hugs and love.
    Primal since March 5, 2012
    SW: 221 | CW: 182 | LPW: 166 | UGW: 140 (80 lbs loss)




  6. #756
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    valmason01 is online now Senior Member
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    Just saw this...lots of love and hugs. Thinking of you!
    You know all those things you wanted to do: You should go do them.

    Age 48
    height 5'3
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    GW 125ish lbs

  7. #757
    cori93437's Avatar
    cori93437 is offline Senior Member
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    Coming out of lurkdom myself...
    Thanks for the kind thoughts and words every one.
    I did see them, I just wasn't really up to a response at the time.
    Sorry about that.

    As you can see below... I'm good!
    (Pic of my fat head is from a few weeks ago after my hair appointment during which I got purple put in my red... a new color combo for me, and a shorter cut (on one side). I will be renewing this color next week! Then probably change it up the following appointment. LOL)


    My health is pretty good.
    I still need to be LC leaning to Keto to help control my brain issues.
    No weight has been lost, but it has been stable.
    Weight loss efforts have been restarted now so... I'm sure it will begin to inch down again slowly as always.


    ~Things that happened in the order they happened.

    Dec. and Jan. happened. that's already in here.

    February happened.
    This is the month in which my mother died when I was a child. Whether I'm counting the days or ignoring them the end of February through March always finds me in a mood. I tend to become a bit withdrawn or more contemplative. If I'm posting on a site I'm on like FB I can usually go back and see that I've posted many songs that I find sort of hauntingly meaningful. Or I just won't post at all... I just went back and checked and this year I didn't post a single thing on my FB between Feb 9th and March 7th, 2012 was similar. A couple of others did, even my husband felt it and left me a sweet message (which never happens). In years past sort of the opposite has happened and I have posted things daily, mostly songs that I feel have some meaning... sometimes even a vague message on the day of mom's death. It's a strange time for me.

    Even if I don't realize/acknowledge exactly why I'm being moody or becoming withdrawn the way I do, and I sometimes even miss the actual day of her death because I don't pay any attention to calenders and rarely know what day it is (such is the life of the chronically unemployed), usually about the first week in March I go... "Oh, it's March... no shit", and by then I've started to loosen up and feel a little better anyway. It is what it is. And in a way it's kind of healing I think. It gives me some time that I have to think about how I deal with that pain every year, and every year it shifts a bit. (More on this in a later post.)

    March happened.
    Just when I was starting to relax in March I got a call from my family that my mother's father, my Granda Carl aka "Carl Daddy", had a stroke and likely only had days to live. He died before the week was out. Which was good. No one wants a long drawn out death in that situation. And to be quite honest he wanted to die. He had lost his independence to macular degeneration some years ago, has had some other health problems the past couple of years, a broken hip and a couple bouts of pneumonia... and told his daughters that he wasn't going to any more doctors. He was done. It was well past time for him to die and that he had quit living when he had quit being able to care for himself. He was a fiercely independent man. His wishes were respected. No one can really ask for more.

    So, I had to fly to TN, to my brother's house again, so that I could attend my grandfathers funeral. That meant more time with stressful family members... my dad only showed up one day due to his work schedule and I handled him pretty well, but I did manage to nearly give myself an aneurysm when my brother tried to defend "legitimate rape" and "women have a way of shutting that whole thing down" (I have been raped, that shit seriously pisses me off). CPAC was on his TV all day the day after I arrived... and my dad and brother eat that stuff up like a fat kid with cake. Sometimes I don't even know how we are from the same gene pool. (Evidently I got my mother's LIBERAL thinking genes, because all of her siblings are the opposite of my brother and father.)

    Then there was the funeral itself. I don't get near caskets. Ever. I have been near one only once in my life, I was 7 and my mother was in it. I do remember it quite clearly... however, now I have a very clear, and I'm aware very irrational, fear of them. Even in the same room during the service in the back row when I first enter the room I feel sick and panicked, and have to avert my gaze away from the casket. And that's better then I used to be. When I was younger, in my teens/early 20's, I couldn't even enter the room. I'd have a full on panic attack and vomit before I got through the doors. So, there I sat... apart from my family in the back row. Luckily my brother's daughter didn't want to sit in front either so she sat with me, along with her mother, my SiL. Also, it was my mother's family and they were all very understanding.

    The other problem... it was a Southern Baptist funeral. If you are not familiar with this style of planting someone this will help: 5 minutes of commemorating the man's life (and trust me he deserved WAY more than 5 minutes! One of the most plain, honest, fair, hardworking, and loving to this family men to have ever walked the earth), and an HOUR of come to Jesus and go to Heaven or you're gonna go straight to Hell!
    Fuck those people.
    Because I know that my Grandaddy didn't go to church, and hadn't been to church in at least 30-40 years... and that when Grandaddy told the preacher/plumber(it's a really small town folks) on his last visit to his house to look at the toilet that "I'm just fine" when the preacher asked him if he was "good with God", that was my Grandaddy's nice way of saying "Leave me be boy!" because that's how he was.



    So, there was stuff going on. Internal emotional stuff, and travel stuff, and just dealing with the world stuff. Such is life. I don't mind when my old and ailing family members pass. Last fall my father's father (Mac) died, and at that time I went to visit my mother's father (Carl Daddy)... and I knew it would most likely be the last time and I told him I loved him and said my goodbyes in my heart. And overall I really ended up better for all of it... I changed the way I handled some things emotionally for the better I think. (More on that, as above, later.)



    The other thing that happened is that I decided that giving my energy to a lot of what goes on here on the forums is just ridiculous and a complete waste. I like some people here(I'm probably talking directly to you if you are reading this, and a few who don't come into my journal too), but arguing with the people about the right and wrongs of diet... sorry, NO.
    Yes, I still think that some people on this forum who push their ideas that they are always right and they their ideas about diet work for everyone all the time is sheer IDIOCY... but that isn't my problem.
    I do what works for me, I hope others find what works for them.

    I have decided that I have better things to do. Pretty much anything. I can sit and stare at the violet water iris blooming in my back yard water garden tub (that seriously needs a good cleaning) and it would be a better use of my time than addressing those threads.
    Random comments will happen on the forums.
    I will appear in journals...
    I will show up here in my journal at times with updates. They may be relevant, and they may be completely 100% frivolous.

    Listen to this... it's a requirement.
    Last edited by cori93437; 04-14-2013 at 11:52 AM.
    “You have your way. I have my way. As for the right way, the correct way, and the only way, it does not exist.”
    ~Friedrich Nietzsche
    And that's why I'm here eating HFLC Primal/Paleo.


  8. #758
    namelesswonder's Avatar
    namelesswonder is online now Moderator
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    First, [[hugs]]

    Then, lovely song.
    Journal on depression/anxiety
    Currently trying to figure out WTF to eat (for IBS-C).

  9. #759
    badgergirl's Avatar
    badgergirl is online now Senior Member
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    Love and hugs and your hair is fantastic.
    My journal: http://www.marksdailyapple.com/forum/thread60211.html Into RPG table top games? Check out FateStorm and (in development) Vanguard!

  10. #760
    cori93437's Avatar
    cori93437 is offline Senior Member
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    Since a storm has decided to roll up(full on FL summer is almost upon us)... here is what I was piddling with outside today.


    This water iris I didn't even know I had...
    It came to me as some tiny little flag leaves on some other water plants a couple of years ago. I wasn't sure about it, but left it anyway, and this year it has finally matured! Poof... violet/mauve blooms.
    My huge pot water garden is icky and getting cleaned out this week. I'm pretty sure it has a crack about half way down so it needs a coating of sealer... and then a male, and maybe a couple of female, betta to control mosquitoes all summer.


    Gratuitous pink bougainvilleas... how could anyone not love them.
    Unless they have to prune them! OUCH!
    But still, I love them.

    Also this week... bolstering the Mints!
    They didn't get watered enough over winter and are looking a bit rough after being dry and the whipping that last summer gave it. My own fault as I don't use as much mint in the winter and there fore it falls of my radar. Bad me.
    It all needs ripping out and repotting with some of my good compost; mint LOVES organic matter.
    After I rip them all up thoroughly and repot them, they will be happy as pigs in mud again.
    Last edited by cori93437; 04-14-2013 at 02:54 PM.
    “You have your way. I have my way. As for the right way, the correct way, and the only way, it does not exist.”
    ~Friedrich Nietzsche
    And that's why I'm here eating HFLC Primal/Paleo.


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