Primal Feet First: In Search of Lost Time or Remembrance of Things Past page 7

[cori93437]

And now I'm feeling all Apple-y


If only I had a fresh Honeycrisp...

[Saoirse]

LOVE across the universe! also love fiona apple!

re: makeup: i like to wear a little now and then, but i worry about wearing it on a regular basis. i know some women don't feel quite right unless they have it on, and i'd hate to dislike looking at my bare face because i'm used to it having makeup on. i also kind of suck at the whole thing, so it works for me.

[cori93437]

LOVE across the universe! also love fiona apple!

re: makeup: i like to wear a little now and then, but i worry about wearing it on a regular basis. i know some women don't feel quite right unless they have it on, and i'd hate to dislike looking at my bare face because i'm used to it having makeup on. i also kind of suck at the whole thing, so it works for me.

Been listening to Fiona all night... music bingeing!

The make-up issue goes hand in hand with some other self identity issues that I have, and have cast off.
Growing up in a small conservative population, and as a member of an old fashioned family, I was sort of accosted several times in my youth by (I suppose) well meaning aunts/relatives who decided that I needed to be straightened out a bit (little did they know! LOL).
I was pretty much a tomboy, and at some point I was snatched up and told that I needed to look and act like a proper young lady instead of a heathen(read: shorts/pants and t-/sweat shirts). So, between middle school and high school I got "fixed"... I was no longer allowed to shop for my own clothes unsupervised like before (dad never cared what I wore as long it was as cheap as possible, boys clothes were fine), I was pushed into girlie clothing, and taught that you don't leave the house without fixing your face. Because "We have to be presentable".
This was almost 25 years ago of course!
Soooo old. I'll be 39 this fall. O_o I don't even know how that happened.

Now... I managed to wiggle my way into some not so old lady approved outfits that were punkish/grungeish... but I was still policed pretty heavily about hair and make-up... and I learned to play at the part pretty well. B
But the flowery stuff and skirts were never comfortable. I'd try them on in the store and they would gush about how great I looked, and I'd get compliments and stuff later, but when I looked int he mirror... FRAUD! It was really like looking at me in a costume.
And then I learned the power of sexuality... and that's another game with a bigger costume.

Then I met husband... and slowly started to turn the tables and work back the other direction it seems. Back to where I can be me without those other inputs. He's happy with me as long as I'm happy. Best thing ever.

I shucked the remnants of a pretense of anything really overtly feminine (flowers, ruffles, skirts, lace, sparkly bits, whatever) several years ago... and haven't looked back. MY ideal for formal wear is Katherine Hepburn in a pant suit.

But, until pretty recently I've held on to that thing in my head that said "you don't go out without at LEAST your eyes done!" (Thanks Gramma! /snark).
And now I've shucked that too. I like it. It feels right.

And I still FEEL feminine... and look pretty feminine... just my own relaxed comfy for me version of it.

[namelesswonder]

I went through a few years of heavy black eyeliner (was called "emo") in high school. My first longterm boyfriend got me to stop wearing it for a while because I was hiding behind it. Took a couple of years for me to realize I could be just as "fierce" without. Now I wear mascara and eyeliner (only on top lid) sometimes, but I don't like the Barbie look my sister does and I try really hard not to look like her (we've been accused of looking like twins). It's nice to be able to accept ones face as this/her own.

[Saoirse]

cori-i've come from another standpoint. my mom was a total tomboy, and so i was raised any knowledge of "the womanly arts." i felt like i missed out a little on the girly-girly moments, but i definitely appreciate not having beauty defined for me. also, female objectification at home wasn't a big thing as it is in some households. my mom was/is overweight by quite a bit, and there was never any indication that she was less of a woman or less worthy of being loved because of it. my mom talks about how she likes being fat, and wouldn't like it any other way. i think it gives her a sense of power.

church, of course, was another matter. if my mom was mindful of these things, maybe she would've chosen a church more wisely. but there was a lot of talk about modesty, what makes a good woman, etc. it doesn't help, of course, that i was a very studious bible reader as a teen. when my relationship with my mom degraded in my teens year, i began very serious studies of proverbs every night, focusing particularly on proverbs 31 (description of the good wife). while that's definitely not objectification (it's about all the important ways the wife contributes to her family and community, even specifically de-emphasizing appearance and physical adornment) it fed my idea that i wasn't acceptable unless i was perfect.

i think my objectification issues started with my husband. he comes from a fat-phobic family; his sister and mom used to make little piggy noises at each other, and make comments about food/fat. his sister was very skinny, and still is. even though i was a fairly skinny girl with little body fat, i remember one of the first times he actually saw me without a shirt, he was disappointed that i didn't have the ideal abs and actually told me. by the time we were married, i was no longer in school, so my usual mode of feeding my self-worth (through being studious and a talented violinist) were gone, and at the same time i had little hints here and there from him that i lacked in the beauty department. with each pregnancy (hello stretch marks!) and further and further from the activities that i had used to define myself, my self-image continued to drop. i think back then, his view of attractive was informed by porn and objectified women. he claims now that it's much more influenced by me than anything else.

if you look at a picture of me when we married (i was 18) and now (27), i look a lot hotter now. i have breasts, a waist, hips and a fairly nice ass; whereas then i looked fairly prepubescent- no defined waist, smallish breasts, smaller ass, more chub on my face. and yet, i'm significantly more worried about my appearance now than i was then. i didn't go through the usual body-hate that most girls go through during puberty, but it seems i'm going through it now.

anyway, let's go burn our bras.

[cori93437]

re: female objectification in the home
More later... it's one of those difficult spots in the narrative of a girl.

"She decided to free herself, dance into the wind, create a new language. And birds fluttered around her, writing “yes” in the sky."
— Monique Duval

A field of red poppies for those who served with my grandfather who didn't come home, those who served with my father who didn't come home, those who served with my brother who didn't come home, those who served with my husband who didn't come home, for those who served with me who didn't come home... and for all others who didn't or won't make it home past, present, and future. Peace be with you.

In Flanders Fields the poppies blow
Between the crosses, row on row
That mark our place; and in the sky
The larks, still bravely singing, fly
Scarce heard amid the guns below.

We are the Dead. Short days ago
We lived, felt dawn, saw sunset glow,
Loved and were loved, and now we lie,
In Flanders Fields.

Take up our quarrel with the foe:
To you from failing hands we throw
The torch; be yours to hold it high.
If ye break faith with us who die
We shall not sleep, though poppies grow
In Flanders Fields.

-John McCrae, 1915.

[justyouraveragecavemen]

That's a lot of music to take in today. You'll be happy to know that before 1 and 2 left for DisneyWorld, I had 1 singing "Blame it on my ADD, baby!" Then they left and I proceeded to drive my wife crazy with it.

[cori93437]

That's a lot of music to take in today. You'll be happy to know that before 1 and 2 left for DisneyWorld, I had 1 singing "Blame it on my ADD, baby!" Then they left and I proceeded to drive my wife crazy with it.

Haha! Sweet!

I'm a bit of a music fanatic.
I have broad tastes and tend to binge on one type or artist at a time pretty often, and according to the day/activity/mood.
This is also known as a sadistic torture method if you are on a 800mile car trip, own every Sting album made, and have a 13 year old boy in the car with you.

I spent about 6 months of the past year NOT listening to anything.
As in completely unable to listen.
(The tale will probably be fully told here in my Journal soon.)
It was really hard for me... heartbreaking... miserable.
Neurological problems can be really weird... and SUCK! lol

[justyouraveragecavemen]

Haha! Sweet!

I'm a bit of a music fanatic.
I have broad tastes and tend to binge on one type or artist at a time pretty often, and according to the day/activity/mood.
This is also known as a sadistic torture method if you are on a 800mile car trip, own every Sting album made, and have a 13 year old boy in the car with you.

I spent about 6 months of the past year NOT listening to anything.
As in completely unable to listen.
(The tale will probably be fully told here in my Journal soon.)
It was really hard for me... heartbreaking... miserable.
Neurological problems can be really weird... and SUCK! lol

Wow, I can't imagine what that would be like. I'm a music person myself.

[cori93437]

Today the lovely, tropical tempered, Beryl is still in town.
I like this... we need the rain.
The thunder and lightening is a bonus.
And she is covering all the bases...


Rainy day music is happening!