Page 50 of 105 FirstFirst ... 40484950515260100 ... LastLast
Results 491 to 500 of 1049

Thread: Primal Feet First: In Search of Lost Time or Remembrance of Things Past page 50

  1. #491
    cori93437's Avatar
    cori93437 is offline Senior Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2012
    Location
    central FL
    Posts
    6,949
    Shop Now
    The side note to all of this is that I think I'd like to open the "art" bottle again.
    I just don't know how to let the one genie out without letting all the demons escape.
    I used to say I had the "art" beat out of me... but that's not true, it was just beat down.
    I don't want to open the door on all the things.
    It's too much.
    I fear it... and become paralyzed by my own fears... or do I take out the stopper completely and let my husband find me crying in a heap in front of a canvas or sketch pad every day until I work it out?
    Yeah, even when I was seeing a therapist she never managed to dig into this hole with me.
    There was much ground that I simply would not cover.
    Direct abuse we covered (PTSD stuff re mostly husband #2)... repression, meh, I'll change the subject.
    In hindsight I was not the best patient.

    In relation to S/M or BDSM communities...
    Type 2's get the short end of the stick there.
    Someone always wants you to be something you aren't.

    Can I play Dom. Sure... I have a dominant personality, it's fun... but then my pain needs aren't met. I hated Doming... it's BORING.
    Can I play Sub. Sure... I like pain, subs get smacked... but then I have to pretend to like being told what to do and be "submissive" and I don't get to reciprocate the pain. I was an awful Sub... I was purposefully rebellious a lot to escalate things to punishments instead of being ordered around and humiliated. Punishments were more fun for me. I pissed off the Doms because I was undermining them and role swapping. Topping from the bottom. I WIN.

    And the fact is that most clubs enforce this opposites roles issue.
    You are playing one or the other. They don't really leave you room for middle ground.
    It sucks.
    But that's just my take on the clubs and communities I've been in.
    And the truth is that most t2's stay out of communities for the same reason as far as I know.
    Last edited by cori93437; 12-10-2012 at 01:58 PM.
    “You have your way. I have my way. As for the right way, the correct way, and the only way, it does not exist.”
    ~Friedrich Nietzsche
    And that's why I'm here eating HFLC Primal/Paleo.


  2. #492
    Pebbles67's Avatar
    Pebbles67 is offline Senior Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2010
    Location
    Mid-Hudson Valley New York
    Posts
    9,566
    Thank you for your honesty and bravery. I recently wrote a bit in my journal about my husband and our toys. I was worried about how it would be taken. This community can be pretty accepting to those they care about. You are one of those people who has captured our hearts. I hope you can get what you need.

    PS I believe in hell. For your sake, I hope I am right.
    Paula Primal since 9/24/2010
    "Our greatest foes, and whom we must chiefly combat, are within." Miguel de Cervantes

    Created by MyFitnessPal.com - Free Weight Loss Tools
    MFP username: MDAPebbles67

  3. #493
    badgergirl's Avatar
    badgergirl is online now Senior Member
    Join Date
    Jun 2012
    Location
    Melbourne
    Posts
    3,110
    Acceptance and support happening here too. Identifying and respecting the need is - hopefully - half the battle.
    My journal: http://www.marksdailyapple.com/forum/thread60211.html Into RPG table top games? Check out FateStorm and (in development) Vanguard!

  4. #494
    cori93437's Avatar
    cori93437 is offline Senior Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2012
    Location
    central FL
    Posts
    6,949
    Half the battle...

    My body is changing... the weight loss is starting to become significant and I'm becoming more attractive.
    This is good!
    And yet it opens the door more widely for thoughts of pain exchange seeking behavior when I get very strung up now that I am healthy again.
    (Yes, I know that this sound like "drug seeking behavior" and it kind of is. Endorphins are drugs... add sex and it's an endorphin/pheromone/hormone cocktail hour.)
    That's not so great...
    Acknowledging it, examining it, and keeping it in check is necessary.
    I was going to say that my journal had just become an S&M Anonymous... but no... I refuse to abstain.
    That would not go well at all... that would actually result in the opposite of what I'm aiming for here.
    I just want to keep myself on the reservation and behaving.
    All the S&M stays at home... well, the sexual stuff anyway.

    As open as I and my husband are about forgiving mistakes happening in relationships... I don't see him being too forgiving about me SEEKING out mistakes. That's ridiculous.
    Anyway...

    I have a deep tissue massage scheduled for tomorrow.
    Completely platonic, but still... I'm going to have her go extra rough and it will help.
    It doesn't always have to be sex, sex is just highly preferred.

    If I could ONLY find someone I'm kind of attracted to, a big burly guy maybe, as a massage therapist...
    But dammit, no dice! I tried a guy last time, tall, OK looking... but he wouldn't really dig in and hurt me.
    He actually apologized and told me he just doesn't have the knack for it like Megan does.
    The girl I have who works on me is never afraid to dig in and hurt the shit out of me... go figure.
    I'll stay happy with her I suppose.
    “You have your way. I have my way. As for the right way, the correct way, and the only way, it does not exist.”
    ~Friedrich Nietzsche
    And that's why I'm here eating HFLC Primal/Paleo.


  5. #495
    JoanieL's Avatar
    JoanieL is offline Senior Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2012
    Location
    It's not the heat, it's the stupidity.
    Posts
    7,324
    Just a note. No judgement here, ever. I've made 50+ years of mistakes and judging things that don't hurt others just isn't my style. Mama used to say, "Joanie, that live and let live attitude of yours can be really annoying."

  6. #496
    badgergirl's Avatar
    badgergirl is online now Senior Member
    Join Date
    Jun 2012
    Location
    Melbourne
    Posts
    3,110
    You've been in my thoughts a lot. Too much, perhaps, as I can identify with some aspects of this a little too well, but I think you'll come though it in better shape (in all senses) if you can keep thinking it through and communicating the links in the action chain - if that makes sense. Also, I for one (and bear in mind I'm just your average screwed up Johanna, not the oracle or anything), do not think transmuting emotional pain to physical pain is an unhealthy coping mechanism. Remember, the thing about coping mechanisms is that you're coping.

    Acceptable ways of experiencing pain on the cheap: this might be over too quickly, but nipple piercing (especially the second of the two) is quite uncomfortable. Cheaper than a tattoo, anyway.

    Sorry if any of this is teaching you to suck eggs. Sending love.
    My journal: http://www.marksdailyapple.com/forum/thread60211.html Into RPG table top games? Check out FateStorm and (in development) Vanguard!

  7. #497
    namelesswonder's Avatar
    namelesswonder is offline Moderator
    Join Date
    Jul 2011
    Location
    MA, USA
    Posts
    12,214
    I was going to suggest piercings, actually. Play piercing is probably too pricey, but it seemed like something potentially up your alley (like corset piercings, which is just for the experience because they do NOT last well).
    Journal on depression/anxiety
    Currently trying to figure out WTF to eat (for IBS-C).

  8. #498
    Join Date
    Jan 2012
    Location
    North Alabama
    Posts
    2,053
    Should I google a corset piercing at work?
    If I just said LOL, I lied. Do or do not. There is no try.

  9. #499
    cori93437's Avatar
    cori93437 is offline Senior Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2012
    Location
    central FL
    Posts
    6,949
    Quote Originally Posted by justyouraveragecavemen View Post
    Should I google a corset piercing at work?
    Probably not...
    It usually comes with a generous amount of nudity.
    I'll see if I can find you a safe image.


    Here you go...
    Traditional.


    Non-traditional... and 100% impressive!

    OMG... I have to admit... I want to pluck those strings soooooo bad. >_<


    I actually have very sensitive skin and have to have only 14k or better in all piercings to keep them.
    A Corset would be next to impossible for me except as play.

    I'm an occasional self pierce-er.
    Ears and stuff.
    Last edited by cori93437; 12-12-2012 at 12:29 AM.
    “You have your way. I have my way. As for the right way, the correct way, and the only way, it does not exist.”
    ~Friedrich Nietzsche
    And that's why I'm here eating HFLC Primal/Paleo.


  10. #500
    cori93437's Avatar
    cori93437 is offline Senior Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2012
    Location
    central FL
    Posts
    6,949
    You know what I hate...
    I hate when it's 3am, and you've written a post, and it's about six words from being done...
    And your computer decides it's time to reboot for updates.

    I'll try again tomorrow...
    Last edited by cori93437; 12-12-2012 at 12:30 AM.
    “You have your way. I have my way. As for the right way, the correct way, and the only way, it does not exist.”
    ~Friedrich Nietzsche
    And that's why I'm here eating HFLC Primal/Paleo.


Page 50 of 105 FirstFirst ... 40484950515260100 ... LastLast

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •