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Thread: Primal Feet First: In Search of Lost Time or Remembrance of Things Past page 20

  1. #191
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    Gorgeous, I agree.
    If I just said LOL, I lied. Do or do not. There is no try.

  2. #192
    naiadknight's Avatar
    naiadknight is online now Senior Member
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    Holy crow! You're hot, he's got SOMETHING on his mind, and y'all look awesome together.
    "No fate but what we make"- Sarah Connor, Terminator 2
    Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, steak in one hand, chocolate in the other, yelling "Holy F***, What a Ride!"
    My Primal Battle Tome

  3. #193
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    namelesswonder is online now Moderator
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    Boyfriend and I went to the same high school. He was good friends with one of my closest friends at the time (mostly senior year, but some of junior year) so we were around each other somewhat. He was participating in some free-running activities with my friends at that time, and I was the one who followed them around with the camera. We didn't talk much, he gave off a fairly intimidating attitude, and I came to learn later that this was on purpose, that he really wasn't interested in talking to people or being friendly. I mostly remember him as attractive, but fairly quiet, except with the mutual friend, and constantly getting beat up (but tolerating it/restraining) by the friend's crazy younger sister. I remember caring quite a bit when he deployed for basic. I actually attended his going-away party and met his family then (though I'm sure they don't remember it now). I had a picture of him on my dorm room wall, from the night before he left for basic and a bunch of us went to Ihop. I tried to chat with him online a couple of times, but he still wasn't really interested in talking to people.

    According to one of his sister's, he had a crush on me (she remembers my name), but mutual-friend declared me off limits (we never dated). Boyfriend does not remember.

    Flash forward to 2009. I am involved in a friends-with-benefits thing with a friend and co-worker. Home for Thanksgiving break, I meet up with the mutual friend and another close friend from the free-running days to play DDR in someone's basement. Boyfriend is there and re-introduces himself. Apparently he is interested in starting off on a clean slate and we quickly come to realize that while the personality we were allowed to see back in high school is still there, he has grown a lot since then. We play DDR, it becomes strip DDR, and everyone ends up in underwear, but he ends up nekkid. I still remember vividly how that looks (easier now, of course, to imagine)! I might have beat him on purpose, though. He proceeds to get drunk and tell us all about how he's changed since high school, regales us with some Army tales, calls an Army bud to verify the story, and tells us how shit is really failing with his girlfriend (technically fiance, but she wouldn't wear the ring, which was borrowed from a sister). He has been trying to break up with her for several months, since he returned from the Army and realized that, in person, their relationship does not really work (it was mostly long-distance the entire time).

    We chat a lot. He is super charming. We make out a bit. I get a glimpse of the sincerity that I have learned to identify that others probably would not see. We stay up until 5AM, other friends chatting all night in the basement (we moved to the kitchen). When I see the text message he sent me asking me out on a date (sent before he got drunk, immediately after I gave him my #), I agree and we set a lunch date for that day. I call the friend-with-benefits to let him know what's up and he freaks out. Says I cheated on him. Boyfriend is there for me for the dragged-out fall-out (took a couple months to really cut things off with this guy, but it was over with that phone call basically). I am there for him when he breaks up with his girlfriend, finally (he had tried before and she resisted so violently that he had to back out of it for her own safety), the day after the date. But not before the 3 of us have a very awkward viewing of "A Knights Tale" together.

    We very suddenly realized we were in love when we "made love" one night. We'd been sleeping together since the beginning, just "for fun", but one night it was different. We both panicked a bit, but we'd both realized we were "doomed" (something we ended up saying constantly) to date and fall in love since the beginning. We kept finding ourselves in romantic situations, like fluffy snow falling on us at night in the park under a street light, cozying up for a late-night pizza during a blizzard (I miss this), or the epic date he arranged for us right before we fell, with a horse-drawn carriage and live concert (Christmas Celtic Sojourn) and fancy dinner. We've tried to re-make the winter date every year since then, but it just is not quite as epic. Officially together 2 1/2 yrs since yesterday. I'm 95% sure he was going to propose this week, and had been planning to since last winter, but can't afford a ring right now (and I keep telling him, I don't care about the ring!).
    Journal on depression/anxiety
    Currently trying to figure out WTF to eat (for IBS-C).

  4. #194
    cori93437's Avatar
    cori93437 is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by drssgchic View Post
    Holy crap, Cori- you're gorgeous. Like the dress, too
    The dress was really too much... but it went SO well with the antebellum house I picked it based on that. *total girly moment*

    Quote Originally Posted by Saoirse View Post
    your hair is so gorgeous, and the look on his face tells me that he was thinking of all the dirty things he was planning to do with you.
    We were... or at least I was... so tired he did not manage fulfill many plans! Unless they were plans for sleeping.

    Thanks also Booter and Naiadknight for the kind words.
    “You have your way. I have my way. As for the right way, the correct way, and the only way, it does not exist.”
    ~Friedrich Nietzsche
    And that's why I'm here eating HFLC Primal/Paleo.


  5. #195
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    Saoirse is offline Senior Member
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    nekkid DDR? ohh! not used to seeing random naked men. i could relate to "he gave off a fairly intimidating attitude, and I came to learn later that this was on purpose, that he really wasn't interested in talking to people or being friendly" because that was my husband, somewhat. but i broke through it because i guess i see people like that as a challenge, not in particular because i was trying to catch him. funny though, because his grandma really wanted to catch his grandfather (to the point that she caught him cheating on various occasions and just laughed at the girl and pushed her aside), and i guess knowing that made a pretty big impression on his views about women. we're all out to snatch a husband, lol. anyway...silly teenage boys and their defense mechanisms.

    hmmm... i don't know if it's too forward, but maybe you could say that you'd really like a cute little necklace, or want to get matching tattoos instead of exchanging rings, or something like that (whatever your style is). my cousin didn't want a ring, but her fiance wanted to do *something* so he bought her a lovely necklace with a semi-precious stone in it.

  6. #196
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    cori93437 is offline Senior Member
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    One more small thing... to add before heading out for milk pick up and stuffs...

    I saw a NEW LOW on the scale again today. Another pound down.
    Is that twice in two weeks? I'd have to check but I think so...
    I'm quite frankly shocked!
    And happy.
    “You have your way. I have my way. As for the right way, the correct way, and the only way, it does not exist.”
    ~Friedrich Nietzsche
    And that's why I'm here eating HFLC Primal/Paleo.


  7. #197
    Saoirse's Avatar
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  8. #198
    Owly's Avatar
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    Yay!

    Just finally read your journal--I'd caught a bit of what you've been dealing with from other threads, but now I understand a little better. I'm glad you decided to write it down somewhere, and even if the journal is mostly for you, I'm glad you've shared it.

    I'll share my love story sometime, but I figure wandering into your journal and making that my first post would probably be a bit ridiculous. So anyhow, hi!
    “If I didn't define myself for myself, I would be crunched into other people's fantasies for me and eaten alive.” --Audre Lorde

    Owly's Journal

  9. #199
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    cori93437 is offline Senior Member
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    I haven't posted anything in a few days... and I'm a little wishy-washy now.

    It wasn't a bad weekend but it wasn't great either.
    Friday was milk pick-up and dinner out.
    Saturday I had husband chauffeur me to Orlando to the fish and corals store to stock up on frozen fishy foods.
    The store was having a big annual sale/celebration thing and there were a LOT of people and noise so I couldn't stay as long as I usually like to and ogle all of the beautiful and wondrous reef things.
    Then we stopped on the way home to snag a few groceries. The walking around and being chatty had me at near 'episode' levels by the time we left...
    Sunday I was happy to stay home and avoid the world again, but the two days previous had left me tired and I was in 'recovery' mode.
    Monday was more of the same... as was today.

    Tropical Storm Debby came to town and has made the world windy and rainy and peaceful for me.
    Yes, I know it's giving other people headaches, but for me the wind and rain makes a lovely background of white noise and, and it keeps shrieking children, barking dogs, and roaring lawn mowers inside so I don't have to hear them.

    There is a trend here... my brain is increasingly bothered by the things that were making it crazy before the meds started to work for me. Today my dogs were breathing too loudly after coming in from a trip out to do their business during a break in the rain. Yes, dog breathing made me feel brain panic.
    I've been wearing my QC15's more and more lately.

    All of this led up to husband wanting to have a 'serious conversation' after dinner this evening.
    I deflected rather unsuccessfully.
    A girl has to try...
    It comes down to the fact that my week so far on higher dosage meds has helped some... but woefully little.
    I'm able to leave the house less and remain in any sort of decent neurological condition.
    Even at home I'm only really doing well during the hours when I'm alone, in the quiet (no TV or music), not talking, or moving about much. Once husband comes home things head down hill... my speech degrades etc.
    I have to call my doc by Thursday and let her know that the experiment is a FAIL.

    And it's time to talk about/make plans and preparations for shunt surgery.

    This will probably entail a lumbar puncture very soon while still on meds to check pressure.
    And then weaning me OFF meds to do a puncture and check to see how high my unmedicated pressure goes.
    The second part scares me.
    Before the meds I was like a stroke victim. Speech often so affected it was hard to understand. Frequent 'episodes' where my brain would just shut down... even taking a shower could induce an episode. There was nothing I could do unsupervised. I had to use a wheelchair or motorized cart for every outing. The QC15's were on my head all the time except for sleeping and bathing... and if I could have slept in them comfortably I would have. And then there was the constant confusion and disorientation. Indescribable headaches...
    I have all of these things now too... but milder.
    To go back to the full blown symptoms willingly is just not something I want to contemplate.
    So far the talk is of a Lumbar shunt, but I already have stuff going on back there due to my Stim (wiring, scaring from previous surgeries, etc)... so a cerebral shunt (VP) is also a possibility.

    Yeah... AWESOME! I love 'quality of life' discussions.
    I really think I could be OK living as a shut in more than he could be OK with it.
    I have books, and my nerdiness, and the interwebz her ... but then I forget myself and make a comment about how great it would be to visit Moab, and he just looks at me and says "How?"
    And I say, "Rent a Jeep and chauffeur me..."
    But the truth is one day being chauffeured would equal DAYS in a room avoiding/recovering...
    I end up feeling like my disability is cramping his style... but I don't just want to watch from the sidelines either.

    So yeah... they can cut my back or head or anything else they want to wide freaking open for a shot at 'better'.
    Better never really means normal... just 'better' than without.
    People forget that about doctors. They aren't magic.



    See what I did there... a duet! Just like me and lunk-head husband talkin.

    And one not... just because... it's fabulous...
    Last edited by cori93437; 06-26-2012 at 12:21 AM.
    “You have your way. I have my way. As for the right way, the correct way, and the only way, it does not exist.”
    ~Friedrich Nietzsche
    And that's why I'm here eating HFLC Primal/Paleo.


  10. #200
    Crabbcakes's Avatar
    Crabbcakes is online now Senior Member
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    hey Cori!

    I was going to ask if you wore sound-reducing headphones, like my daughter does in public places, but then I got the brilliant idea of googling "QC15" and saw the... headphones.

    If you restrict input even more, say, with sunglasses indoors while in public, does that help? Mine does not have high pressure - she was born with the neurological inability to run on more than two circuits, and if you give her input that would take 3 circuits or more to handle, stuff starts to spark oddly and fuses blow and all sorts of weird stuff happens (she loses speech / language, motor, cognitive, and sensory ability directly proportional to input from the world around her - that is why moving from an hour outside of Times Square to cow-country OH was sooooo good for her).

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