Day 8: Avocado saves my as* again
Was out the whole day, so had beef patties for brekkie AND packed another 2 for lunch (plus bok choy and some gouda cheese). Cooking up 4 patties at one go in the morning made my stomach growl and feel full at the same time - weird sensation. Anyway, I am finding a big brekkie within 30 minutes of waking up surprisingly easy and enjoyable. Not 'force feeding' at all. Guess I'm just a greedy girl with a big appetite
Reached home at 930pm, was tired and cold (winter starting up in Melbourne). Would've skipped dinner, I was so ready to hit the bed, but I'd promised to help out at a last minute bake sale. They specifically asked for conventional, popular stuff like cupcakes and brownies - items that would sell well. Hmm. No primal baked goods then.
Keep in mind that I have a terrible, terrible weakness for sugar and all baked goods. These things bring out the monster in me. But the good thing is that I'm baking these to sell, so I can't be eating them. So my reasoning goes.
Made an avocado shake (with coconut milk and cinnamon - nicely filling and creamy), told my lethargy to shove off! and started making them brownies. I'd forgotten how much sugar was in these things. I cut it by a third but my hands were seriously trembling when I poured the sugar in. I'm going to unleash that much sugar into the world?! Omg I'm poisoning people. Yeah it's probably the TOM hormones, made me all emotional and dramatic.
Anyway, if you bake and like brownies, you probably know how my night ends. After they were done (for a poison, they sure smell heavenly), I decided to trim the edges so I'd have one less thing to do the next morning. No points for guessing where the trimmed brownie edges ended up. Clue: not the bin.
Two conclusions. One, the avocado shake was a very wise decision because it filled up half my stomach and stopped me from inhaling half the batch. If not, I'd probably have done that and then made a second batch for the sale. Yes, even at midnight.
Two, I really need to stop getting into situations where I come into contact with this stuff. Confession: I still walk the bread and baked goods aisle 99% of the time I go to the supermarket, just to look at them. It's like stalking an ex-lover on Facebook. Get a grip, woman! If I can delete my ex from my Facebook, why can't I stop roaming the baked goods aisle??
Day 9: Huh? VLC??
So my sleep has been rock-deep these few days which is GREAT but today I went for yoga class, during which I was seriously weak! Super confused. I'm eating tons more meat! Doesn't meat make me stronger? How come my arms nearly collapsed doing the chaturanga? This is the first time since going primal that I have felt my strength lessening - weird!
Yoga ended at 830pm. Had planned for a light dinner (avocado + coconut milk smoothie yumminess), but by the time I got back, I felt completely off. Tried to intellectualise it, surfed MDA for a bit, till it hit me. Er, VLC? Hardly been eating any fruit, and all that meat meant less stomach room for veggies.. Sounds possible. I've never counted carbs before so took forum advice and started a Sparkpeople account to start tracking. Ick. Seems I've only been averaging 25g carb. So VLC = deep sleep but physical weakness. Deep sleep probably because the body needed to close shop for the day. Darn.
Read others' experiences, some suggest pushing through it, others say carb refeed.. Basically more experimentation to figure out what works for me. Anyway it ended up an awful night because there was no 'healthy carb' in the house. I tore up bits and pieces of dark chocolate, a couple of cookies I'd bought to support the bake sale (yeah I'm rolling my eyes at myself), some almonds, but I couldn't eat much of any one thing *thank goodness* yet nothing really filled me.
Time to add more plants back.
Just caught up on your journal and have been laughing out loud to myself quite a bit. Your internal struggles sound EXACTLY like mine, and I also have a habit of putting myself in situations where binges are unavoidable. I need to find that little, rational voice in my head...it came out a few nights ago but haven't seen her since!
Also, I only got through about 10 days of a leptin reset last summer, but the difference it made on my appetite was BONKERS and I lost so much belly weight! Side effect of this diet - yoga gets easier because twisting into awkward poses is not as difficult when there aren't rolls of flab in the way. Need to remember that...
Lol good point! Gotta remember that.. cut out binges = less flab = deeper stretches = better yogi. Urgh sometimes I swear my mind just wants to sabotage my body. Once I start losing some flab and feel great, I start reaching for the Lindt. What is going on??
Day 10 & 11: ...what exactly am I doing?
Started off as a sugar detox, then figured I needed to fix my leptin, but now I'm back to eating chocolate, which means I gotta get off this train RIGHT NOW because I know the next stop is Chocolate Binge Station then Carb Binge Station Central. Pah. Weekend coming up. STAY STRONG!
I've stayed with the protein-heavy first meal of the leptin reset protocol, so the day is quite easily snack-free but dinner is still a problem. I always want something sweet to end the day. Self-awareness = self-control? Or maybe I just need to keep busy straight after dinner to distract my treacherous mind. Honestly, my mind has no shame. Remember the brownie bake? The thought of brownies has stayed on my mind like a leech, sucking away at my reset resolution. Just because I didn't get to inhale the whole tray.
Which means, yep, I finally caved and made brownies today. Primal sweet potato brownies, recipe courtesy of Juli@PaleOMG. Love her stuff.
Evil bake sale brownies
Sweet potato brownies. Made them in cupcake size in an attempt to portion them. Who am I kidding.. Scarfed them all at one go -_-
Hopefully I won't want to see another baked good/chocolate for the next few days. Gotta remember the good... Let's see: My bum is shrinking, body IS leaning out, but it seems this is usually the point where the self-sabotage kicks in. I've been at this spot a couple of times since going primal, but never broken through it. Fingers crossed this time round.
What else what else.. Oh I attempted my quiche with veal mince. Alas I left it in the oven too long and it turned out dry.
My breakfast for these few days
Liking the non-quiche items on my plate way more
Cheddar rolled in ham- bliss!
Have an awesome weekend guys! I hope to report a non-binge weekend when I check in next. Woot!
Day...12, maybe 13?: Twilight zone --> 24-hr fast
Think I missed a day somewhere.. Anyway! It's the start of essay-writing season for my final semester of grad school (hip hip hooray!). Have 3 assignments to complete and I finished one I think yesterday? Day before? I don't know. Basically I go into this twilight zone when I'm typing away and days lose their meaning. Assignment 1 was DONE at 6.28am, that's the only thing I remember. And I remember going to school to hand it up, walking through campus like I was wading through mud.
Sweet potato brownies happened last night though. I'm pretty sure. They were so good.
Today I woke up, fully intent on the leptin reset, but my body was nagging for yoga. Food? Yoga? Food? Yoga? Yoga won. Grabbed my mat and went straight to class. And it was a great practice! Woot. Walked out all stretched and smiley. My strength is back! Roar.
Fast forward story --> not hungry at all so decided to take it easy. Ended up doing a 24-hr fast. Wasn't mad hungry but decided I wanted to have a regular eating routine as much as possible till I am confident I have my binges sorted.
It's my first 24-hr fast! And didn't stuff my face when I ended it either. Pork burgers with vege. And avo cinnamon smoothie with coconut cream and yogurt to up the fat. No desire to tear kitchen apart after that. Victory!
Day 14: Sleep all eff-ed up
Didn't get much good sleep last night. This will probably continue for another 2 weeks till all my essays are done, so I just gotta suck it up and remember not to bake anything. I tend to vacuum food up mindlessly and soullessly at these times.
Eating primal is helping though. Had 2 proper meals today. Lunch was a pork burger with 3 scrambled eggs. I added a tbsp of coconut cream to my whisked eggs and they turned out super dense and oozy. Not sure if I prefer them that way but they sure were filling. I was missing carbs so dinner was a ton of vege (spinach, cauliflower, zucchini) with tuna and bacon. All in one big bowl. I don't think tuna and bacon are a good team actually. Failed experiment. Oh well.
And now it's just past midnight but I feel energised enough to plough on through. That's my problem - I can't always set out regular writing times in the day because my focus is unpredictable. I just have to make the best of it when it comes, usually at night. I know it's unhealthy and I've been trying to fix it, but it's a long term work in progress. I've met people who tell me I've got ADD, but I don't think it's that severe (probably just a major lameass procrastinator). Anyway we didn't have that term growing up, and when I finally do get going (with an essay or some task), I can get it done. Just at the temporary expense of regularity. So don't think it's a biggie. Come to think of it, that's partly why I've always gravitated towards jobs with irregular hours. Exhausting but fulfilling at the same time - I don't really know how to explain it properly.
Now I'm rambling. Back to essay-writing. Over and out.
Day 15: Don't shoot the night owl
Staying strong on the no-baking resolution. Almost caved 'coz I was surfing all these paleo baked goods recipes and saw one for cinnamon buns which made my brain light up like a Christmas tree - but thank goodness the impulse faded. I still want to put something in the oven though. Maybe I'll bake bacon. Caramelised bacon. NOOOOOOOO.
Anyway, today I gave more thought to my nocturnal habits mainly because for the next couple of months, I don't need to wake up in the mornings. I much prefer being awake through the night. I have always been this way but periodically, I try to dial it back for usual reasons (morning appointments, classes, parents questioning for the millionth time why I just can't be normal etc). Plus the more I read about health it says I am going against the circadian rhythm, which seems anti-primal... Is it really so wrong? I'm sick of feeling bad about this. There's just something so delicious about being awake at 4am. Savouring the quiet, the crisp air - all these sharpen my concentration as well. And I get properly exhausted when the sun rises and I finally sleep like the dead.
Long story short, I found a few fellow night owls on the forum here. Feeling somewhat relieved. Also I just started reading Alain de Botton's 'The Consolations of Philosophy', which is amusingly, exactly what the book is about Am enjoying it very much. Makes me feel less wretched too.
Shall end this post with a quote from his chapter, Consolation for Unpopularity:
"But it is not only the hostility of others that may prevent us from questioning the status quo. Our will to doubt can be just as powerfully sapped by an internal sense that societal conventions must have a sound basis, even if we are not sure exactly what this may be, because they have been adhered to by a great many people for a long time."
Last edited by Jacq ChocMonster; 05-28-2012 at 11:37 AM.
Day 16: Stop buying peanut butter!
Yeah. I made a bargain with myself to only buy peanut butter when it's on a major sale. Trouble is it goes on sale ever so often. Meals in the day were fine though:
Lunch - 1 can sardines with cucumber, 2 slices bacon with avocado
Dinner - shrimp curry with spinach. Majorly yummy 'coz I frigging cooked it myself! Which just means I had spice control. Felt like I was back in Malaysia, it was spicy enough that I had sweat beads forming on my face. Woohoo.
But then things took a downward turn after that. I blame it on the bacon, though it really isn't the bacon's fault. See, instead of making caramelised bacon, I decided to try the primal Elvis - bacon with peanut butter and banana, no bread. This was after dinner. Honestly after the shrimp curry, 1 slice of Elvis-style bacon was more than enough. So I duly fridged the rest, turned back to the kitchen counter, and was confronted with the remaining half of a banana and half a jar of peanut butter. Eh hem.
I really can't be buying any more peanut butter for at least 3 months, even if they go for $2 a jar. Just. Cannot. Should not. Will not.
And I'm starting a 10-day yoga challenge! That is so much more attainable for me -_- Someone on the fitness thread initiated it, and I'm jumping on. Went for my usual class at the gym today, great as usual. Tmr I'll try this 7-day deal at a yoga studio. Can't wait!
p.s. Also sent out my first job application today. Fingers and toes crossed.
p.p.s. Elvis really knew how to rock his bacon, man. One taste and I'm a convert. Oh, but I can't buy any more peanut butter. Damn. See, this is what happens when you get your compulsive dumbo on *wails*
Last edited by Jacq ChocMonster; 05-29-2012 at 11:51 AM.
Day 17: Transformation 2.0
Been obsessed reading all I can on primal/paleo, and it hits me every few days that there is so much more to learn, which is pretty great. Followed a link provided by someone on the forum to Dr. Michael Eades' blog on keto-adaptation. Had an aha! moment. So this is why I need to push through it. Had the mistaken impression that once I had experienced ketosis, my body was all good and set up to burn fat. But always slipped again after a few days. Need time to adapt, helloooooo...
Some quotes from his blog to remind myself:
"The surest road to failure in the first few days of low-carb dieting is to listen to your body.. Listening to your body is giving the elephant free rein. If you’re three days into your stop-smoking program, and you listen to your body, you’re screwed. If you’re in drug rehab, and you listen to your body, you’re screwed. If you’re trying to give up booze, and you listen to your body, you’re screwed. And if you’re a week into your low-carb diet, and you listen to your body, you’re screwed. Actually, it’s okay to listen to it, I suppose, just don’t do what it’s telling you to do because if you do, you’re screwed."
I like the way he writes. Makes me laugh as he kicks my ass. Another one, from a different post:
"There is an adaptation period that takes place when starting a low-carb diet. Someone who has been on a high-carb diet–the standard American diet, for example–has to metabolize a lot of sugar. All metabolic processes require enzymes to carry them out. Our DNA codes for these enzymes, but we don’t make them unless we need them. And when we do need them it takes a while for them to get brought up to the necessary levels. So, when we’re on a high-carb diet, we’ve got a lot of sugar-metabolizing enzymes kicking around, ready to metabolize sugar. All the sugar-metabolizing pathways are working efficiently.
Suddenly we switch to a low-carb diet. Now we don’t have much sugar to be metabolized–we’ve got fat instead. But our fat metabolizing pathways are kind of rusty. We’ve got plenty of sugar enzymes, but not enough fat enzymes. The body stays put for a bit to see what’s going to happen. Is this just a few hours without carbs or is it a real low-carb diet for sure? Once the body gets serious, signals go to the DNA, which starts coding for the fat-burning enzymes. They are soon made and start to work, and the fatigue goes away because the body can now efficiently metabolize fat, the main fuel on a low-carb diet."
I added the italics - that was the part that made me go aha! So work through it, woman. Don't be a smart ass.
And then some other bits about sodium and electrolytes, constant battling among our multiple selves etc. All fascinating stuff.
Okay about my day itself. After the peanut butter disaster, I couldn't get to sleep till 7am. Which is crap because I had to wake up by noon for school stuff. The worst part of being tired is the sugar/grain cravings. Hit me so damn hard even though I had a proper lunch. I made up a support group in my head. I tried lying to my brain, "You don't have money to buy nutella crepes! You forgot to bring your wallet, remember??" etc etc. And somehow it worked! Then cruised through the evening, cravings-wise, because I headed down for yoga and was all balanced after. Whew.
I'm going to surf for more nuggets of primal wisdom and put them down here. Ending post with pix of my egg rings. Again. Because they make me happy.
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