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Thread: Paleobird's Next Big Adventure page 175

  1. #1741
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    Quote Originally Posted by zoebird View Post
    I do like your Dad's style. I could really "see" him standing there, keeping watch over the neighborhood!

    I'm glad that the service was so simple and lovely, healing for everyone who attended. And, the tangerine tree is going to be very happy, too!

    I think it's exciting that you are on to a new chapter, and I know that (you know, in so far as I believe in continuing on) your dad would be excited and proud of you too.
    Yes, it was a no-nonsense service for a no-nonsense person. I hope he would understand that keeping the house is just not right for my life and my desire to move on.

    Quote Originally Posted by Owly View Post
    That sounds perfect. I think every person deserves to have people who gather and remember them with love at the end of their life. I love the idea of the tree--we "planted" my mother's ashes under the roots of a beautiful cedar next to a trail that she loved. It's nice to think of something growing from that.
    Yes, I like the "cycle of life" aspect of it. He planted that tangerine tree years ago. It's like he can keep tending to it even now.



    There was a friend of mine at the memorial service who, when told about putting the house up for sale and looking for an apartment, said, "Oh, you have to come look at the place we have for rent in our building". She and her partner bought a huge rambling old craftsman style house a while back and have been fixing it up with the idea of renting it out as several units.

    So I went to take a look. It is a really cool neighborhood very like and very near where I live now. Dead end street, canyon view, quiet, etc. They have done a very nice job fixing the place up but I just don't think it is right for me. Looking at it though helped me clarify in my mind what I DO want by seeing what I don't.

    I came to the conclusion that I am looking for a newer building, one that was built since the invention of the internet. Things like plumbing that doesn't make funny noises, floors that don't squeak, electrical infrastructure that can handle computers, built in wifi, big enough closet space, plentiful kitchen counter space, matter to me. I don't want "quaint", "charming", etc, all just code words for kinda old.

    The owners are two of my best friends and there is an appeal to moving in there (where they also have one floor). It would be like an instant community complete with a community garden out back. It really felt "homey" to me but then I realized that this is because it is a lot like the home I have now. These two ladies both knew my Mom and Dad and, in some way, it would be like moving in with a couple of kindly aunts.

    Also, this neighborhood is known around SD for being the center of the LGBT community. That is no problem for me and, at the risk of a cliche, some of my best friends are gay, lots of them in fact. I just think that I would end up hanging out with them and their friends a lot if I lived in that house and that is one of the things I would like to change by changing neighborhoods. I would like to stop getting hit on by girls and having all the few single straight men who exist assume I must be gay and not even bothering. This is a rather lonely neighborhood in which to be straight.

    So why is it that I feel this need to completely strike out on my own? Do something completely different? <cue Monty Python,"And now, for something completely different...">

  2. #1742
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    Bad spambot^^^^, trying to impersonate my Honey Badger just doesn't work. Shoo!

  3. #1743
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    canuck416 is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Paleobird View Post
    Yes, it was a no-nonsense service for a no-nonsense person. I hope he would understand that keeping the house is just not right for my life and my desire to move on.

    Yes, I like the "cycle of life" aspect of it. He planted that tangerine tree years ago. It's like he can keep tending to it even now.



    There was a friend of mine at the memorial service who, when told about putting the house up for sale and looking for an apartment, said, "Oh, you have to come look at the place we have for rent in our building". She and her partner bought a huge rambling old craftsman style house a while back and have been fixing it up with the idea of renting it out as several units.

    So I went to take a look. It is a really cool neighborhood very like and very near where I live now. Dead end street, canyon view, quiet, etc. They have done a very nice job fixing the place up but I just don't think it is right for me. Looking at it though helped me clarify in my mind what I DO want by seeing what I don't.

    I came to the conclusion that I am looking for a newer building, one that was built since the invention of the internet. Things like plumbing that doesn't make funny noises, floors that don't squeak, electrical infrastructure that can handle computers, built in wifi, big enough closet space, plentiful kitchen counter space, matter to me. I don't want "quaint", "charming", etc, all just code words for kinda old.

    The owners are two of my best friends and there is an appeal to moving in there (where they also have one floor). It would be like an instant community complete with a community garden out back. It really felt "homey" to me but then I realized that this is because it is a lot like the home I have now. These two ladies both knew my Mom and Dad and, in some way, it would be like moving in with a couple of kindly aunts.

    Also, this neighborhood is known around SD for being the center of the LGBT community. That is no problem for me and, at the risk of a cliche, some of my best friends are gay, lots of them in fact. I just think that I would end up hanging out with them and their friends a lot if I lived in that house and that is one of the things I would like to change by changing neighborhoods. I would like to stop getting hit on by girls and having all the few single straight men who exist assume I must be gay and not even bothering. This is a rather lonely neighborhood in which to be straight.

    So why is it that I feel this need to completely strike out on my own? Do something completely different? <cue Monty Python,"And now, for something completely different...">
    I really like your thought process around your next move. Sounds like a positive and exciting direction. Go for it!

  4. #1744
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    zoebird is offline Senior Member
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    I'm with you on a new place (recent build). Even though our old little place (1910 build with a lot of funny renos) is nice and dry and easy enough to use and what not . . . I look forward to a real, modern kitchen. And good design in general. And insulation.

  5. #1745
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    Quote Originally Posted by canuck416 View Post
    I really like your thought process around your next move. Sounds like a positive and exciting direction. Go for it!
    Quote Originally Posted by zoebird View Post
    I'm with you on a new place (recent build). Even though our old little place (1910 build with a lot of funny renos) is nice and dry and easy enough to use and what not . . . I look forward to a real, modern kitchen. And good design in general. And insulation.
    Yep, when things have been remodeled over the decades, things work OK but never really smoothly. One thing gets built/installed around something else or added on to the outside. Also, with my friends as the building owners/managers, I would feel like I was imposing on them if I needed something fixed like a plumbing or electrical issue. (And buildings that old tend to have those regularly.) In a modern building, there is a super and that is his job 24/7.

  6. #1746
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    zoebird is offline Senior Member
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    Exactly.

    Also, I was thinking about how your dad would not be fussed at all about your moving on.

    His dream was his -- that house and neighborhood and all of the care he put into it . . . it was his.

    But I don't think he ever meant for it to imply that it should be "your dream" and "your way of life" as well. I think in the end, he understood it as an asset (which is why he had it transferred to you), and for you to use it as you will. And if that means moving on when his time was done, I think he would be 100% behind that.

    Because, my guess? He was always 100% behind you.

  7. #1747
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    that spam bot got both my top posts! I killed it! KILLED IT.

  8. #1748
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    Quote Originally Posted by zoebird View Post
    I was thinking about how your dad would not be fussed at all about your moving on.

    His dream was his -- that house and neighborhood and all of the care he put into it . . . it was his.

    But I don't think he ever meant for it to imply that it should be "your dream" and "your way of life" as well. I think in the end, he understood it as an asset (which is why he had it transferred to you), and for you to use it as you will. And if that means moving on when his time was done, I think he would be 100% behind that.

    Because, my guess? He was always 100% behind you.
    Yeah, I think to him the house represented security and he wanted to make sure that I had that. Having been a child of the depression when his parents lost their home to foreclosure, he always saw home ownership as the ultimate in stability.

    I have a different kind of stability and security now, the kind that a good investment portfolio can bring.
    But above all, my Dad would want me to be happy.

    My parents were always incredible supportive of their children's choices in life, things like picking a college or, in my sister's case deciding that college wasn't for her, bad choices in boyfriends and husbands along the way, career paths, etc. Whatever way we chose in life, they were there behind us 100%. That was always good to know.

    I am so thankful that my Dad was able to stay in his home up until those last few days when he really didn't know where he was. But all the time he was still cognizant enough to know the difference, he knew that he was in his home, the one he built. I'm so glad it didn't come down to having to transfer him to a "facility" for his own safety. I hope that being here gave him some comfort.

  9. #1749
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    Quote Originally Posted by zoebird View Post
    that spam bot got both my top posts! I killed it! KILLED IT.
    Zoebird, fearless slayer of spambots, wielding her trusty "triangle of death"! Thanks, I reported it too. The last one was gone within a few hours.

  10. #1750
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    Well today is a fast day because tonight is the annual potluck dinner held by the neighborhood business association. Several local restaurants use it as a chance to show off and market their cooking and so there is always way more food than needed. I usually just bring a case of Pelegrino so I will have something to drink.

    The event takes place in a community center building that was named for my Mom after her many years of civic activism in this area including getting the local business improvement district founded and running. Going to events such as this and maintaining touch with my "roots" is something that does not have to change just because I change addresses.

    The two "kindly aunts" friends who want to rent me their apartment space are some of the prime movers behind this event now so I will see them there tonight. They write a guidebook to this neighborhood and have a website about it and are on the neighborhood "town council". I think explaining to them why I don't want the apartment will be better done in person.

    I'm going to show up early and help them set up.

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