Paleobird's Next Big Adventure page 170

[sbhikes]

When my grandmother died I remember only feeling relief that it was over. Not the same situation as your dad by any means, but I thought there was something wrong with me that I didn't cry or wail or gnash my teeth about it. I was just grateful she wasn't dying anymore and it was over.

[Paleobird]

When my grandmother died I remember only feeling relief that it was over. Not the same situation as your dad by any means, but I thought there was something wrong with me that I didn't cry or wail or gnash my teeth about it. I was just grateful she wasn't dying anymore and it was over.

That's how felt about my Dad too. Especially about the mental confusion and delusions toward the end. It was so horrific to see a fine mind just imploding like that. I felt so sorry for him and there was nothing I could do to make it better. It was a relief when it was over. I kind of felt like I already mentally said my goodbyes to the Dad I knew a couple of months before his death when he had the strokes and started seeing things and getting all confused. From there on in it was just a matter of taking care of his body out of respect for the person that was once inhabited it, but he was already gone.

[GoJenGo]

Yes it does come in waves, but I think the people who weep and wail endlessly are often looking back and wishing that something had been different. Something was left unsaid or shouldn't have been said. Something should have been done differently. I have absolutely no regrets in regards to my Dad. We had a wonderful 50 years together. He took wonderful care of me as a child and I took the best care of him that was possible in his last years. And then it was his time to go. No loose ends. That makes it easier to look back fondly but without the pain.

I think one of the things that was so painful about my Mom's death was that she was still very young, just past 60. It just seemed
so unfair for her life to get cut off so short. My Dad had a long full life. He was ready to go. That makes it easier too.

PB, I just wanted to tell you how sorry I was to hear about your dad's passing. I just found out when I read one of your posts on the Candida thread. I have long admired your commitment to caring for him and I'm sure he knew how very fortunate he was in that regard. What a blessing for both of you.

You are one tough cookie.

[zoebird]

I think it most definitely does, and the way that your dad went -- which had a relatively quick decline and a peaceful death -- allowed you to make peace with everything ahead of time. And he planned everything before hand, so there was little to take care of on the back end.

And, some people just have different outlooks. They just behave very differently when confronted with death. I find you sensible and pragmatic -- probably a lot like your dad -- while also having a spirit of adventure and love of life (probably a lot like your dad, too). As such, you can look at this in a very straight-forward way, and just be with it all.

And that's a good skill to have, too. It makes you adaptable. And adaptable always wins out.

[Paleobird]

PB, I just wanted to tell you how sorry I was to hear about your dad's passing. I just found out when I read one of your posts on the Candida thread. I have long admired your commitment to caring for him and I'm sure he knew how very fortunate he was in that regard. What a blessing for both of you.

You are one tough cookie.

Thanks, GJG. I'm thankful for the time that I had with him.

I think it most definitely does, and the way that your dad went -- which had a relatively quick decline and a peaceful death -- allowed you to make peace with everything ahead of time. And he planned everything before hand, so there was little to take care of on the back end.

And, some people just have different outlooks. They just behave very differently when confronted with death. I find you sensible and pragmatic -- probably a lot like your dad -- while also having a spirit of adventure and love of life (probably a lot like your dad, too). As such, you can look at this in a very straight-forward way, and just be with it all.

And that's a good skill to have, too. It makes you adaptable. And adaptable always wins out.

Yep, Dad was the ultimate in sensible and pragmatic and yes, I do take after him in that way. I think I got the spirit of adventure from my Mom however. Dad was much more the homebody, content with his gardening and DIY home improvement projects.

[badgergirl]

Just delurking to send love and share the general feeling of, well, 'that Paleobird sure does know how to live well' - climbing mountains is one thing, but I consider this current life experience to demonstrate your grace, flexibility and sense of centredness far more. I salute you.

[zoebird]

It's cool when you can see in yourself the best of both parents.

[Paleobird]

Just delurking to send love and share the general feeling of, well, 'that Paleobird sure does know how to live well' - climbing mountains is one thing, but I consider this current life experience to demonstrate your grace, flexibility and sense of centredness far more. I salute you.

Awwww. Thank you, badgergirl. That has to be just about the nicest compliment I've ever had.

It's cool when you can see in yourself the best of both parents.

My parents were quite a good team. She had the big ideas, the concepts, and he could figure out how to do the nuts and bolts to make it real.

They met in college and back then he would help her with her math and science courses and she would help him with English, social studies, history, etc. As kids we knew which parent to go to with homework questions depending on the subject.

I sometimes wonder if my Mom ever felt constrained by having kids and a home to take care of. She was always gracious about it, the perfect hostess for family Thanksgiving etc. She lived in a time when single ladies didn't just get on a plane and fly off to Africa. Ladies got married and had kids so that's what she did. I sometimes think though that she would have liked to be living the life I have now, free to travel, have torrid affairs and such.

My Dad I think was very much content to be a husband/father/family provider. It was his place in this world. He loved nothing better than a weekend spent on a DIY project or perfecting his garden.

[Paleobird]

I'm off today to donate a pint of blood at the blood bank. So now I'm preparing by pounding down all the hydration I can stand. It really seems to help in making it easier for them to find a vein.

Donating blood has the added bonus of the fact that I am not supposed to lift anything heavy for 24 hours. I guess I can just clean out closets and put stuff that goes to the Goodwill in bags. I changed sizes so fast on the way down that there are things that still have the tags in them, never worn, that are too big. I need to do one big go through of all of it at once.

[sbhikes]

That's how felt about my Dad too. Especially about the mental confusion and delusions toward the end. It was so horrific to see a fine mind just imploding like that. I felt so sorry for him and there was nothing I could do to make it better. It was a relief when it was over. I kind of felt like I already mentally said my goodbyes to the Dad I knew a couple of months before his death when he had the strokes and started seeing things and getting all confused. From there on in it was just a matter of taking care of his body out of respect for the person that was once inhabited it, but he was already gone.

That's how I felt about my grandmother. She had gone so long before she actually died that I had said good-bye somehow long before she actually died. The saddest thing was actually walking by the thrift shop downtown and seeing her things in the window.

Awwww. Thank you, badgergirl. That has to be just about the nicest compliment I've ever had.

My parents were quite a good team. She had the big ideas, the concepts, and he could figure out how to do the nuts and bolts to make it real.

They met in college and back then he would help her with her math and science courses and she would help him with English, social studies, history, etc. As kids we knew which parent to go to with homework questions depending on the subject.

I sometimes wonder if my Mom ever felt constrained by having kids and a home to take care of. She was always gracious about it, the perfect hostess for family Thanksgiving etc. She lived in a time when single ladies didn't just get on a plane and fly off to Africa. Ladies got married and had kids so that's what she did. I sometimes think though that she would have liked to be living the life I have now, free to travel, have torrid affairs and such.

My Dad I think was very much content to be a husband/father/family provider. It was his place in this world. He loved nothing better than a weekend spent on a DIY project or perfecting his garden.

My mother tells me so often how she envies all the exciting things I've done. She always wanted to be a world traveler. She grew up on a boy scout ranch in Arizona and had all kinds of fantasies involving adventure. It makes me sad that she lives those things through me. So I do adventurous things with an eye toward not wasting life too much. Of course, in return I envy her for being retired, doing the RV living thing half the year and hosting Pacific Crest Trail hikers in her house in the summer. That was my dream. I wanted to buy the pizza place in Lone Pine and have a special room for all the stinky hikers to eat pizza, entertain me with stories and put up memorabilia from their hikes on the wall.