My heartfelt thanks to all my wonderfully MDA pals who have written in with such kind thoughts and supportive words. We have a really strong extended family going in this community.
Speaking of family, my sister has had to go back to her home in NorCal. Her husband has had both his knees replaced recently and they seemed to be healing well but then one developed a complication with a "dissolving" suture that didn't dissolve getting infected. So they have to re-open it and hose it out.
I understand that she does need to tend to the living first and I can handle taking care of things around here. It's actually kind of peaceful, going through Dad's things by myself, packing up stuff for the Goodwill, putting everything in order.
My sister is also incredibly pissed off at me because she found out that several years ago my Dad had signed his house and the land under both houses over to me. He hadn't wanted it to be something that could be "attached" as an asset if he were ever to need long term care in a rest home. He also wanted to make sure that I had a place since my sister already had my uncle's really nice house. So, I guess she figures if she is not going to get anything out of it, why should she put in any effort to help me. She had just been assuming that she was getting half. Yeah. She is pissed.
I have enjoyed all of your comments about what a life affirming story this has been and agree with them. Unfortunately however death does have a way of bringing out the nasty underside of human nature as well.
So sorry for your loss, PB, he sounded like a fabulous man and dad. I'm so glad it wasn't a long suffering time for him.
He was blessed to have you. Take care of yourself, big hug.
We did the same for my Sister, made sure that my Mom signed over the house to her while she was still alive. Fortunately I was able to get concensus from the siblings (6 of us). She did the lion's share of the care-taking so it seemed fair. Still when the end came there were a few grunts and murmurs. Since then, however, everybody has let bygones be bygones. Time helps with that.
I'm sorry to hear about your sister's anger. It's a tense situation at best and with her hubby's health issues looming on top of your Dad's passing, I could imagine the stress getting to anybody. Hopefully she'll settle a bit in time.
I remember going through my Mom's things after she passed. She still felt attached to them somehow and I felt close to her.
Height: 5' 10"
Starting Weight: 292
Starting Primal Weight: 275
Current weight: 240
Goal weight: 172
Body Fat 31.1
I would wager that your sister's anger has nothing to do with property and everything to do with what you were able to have and give to your dad in these final years. In grief, it probably all caught up to her. And then the property is now symbolic of that outwardly.
It's also good that she is home with her husband, so she can deal with her grief and anger independent of you. Likewise, it gives you peace to move through the final arrangements and moving forward. It gives you space to breathe, and find your footing in this new way of life.
It is definitely calmer around here without her. She has a way of dramatizing everything that can be rather overbearing at times.
You learn some interesting things about a person when you clean out their closets.
My Dad had a Speedo bathing suit. Who knew? And a French artiste style black beret. My folks were a little too old to have been hippies. They were more of the "beatnik" generation. Interesting mental images. Smoky jazz cafes.
Boy, when a person lives in the same place for 60 years, they sure can accumulate a lot of "stuff". Every drawer, shelf, and closet just keeps pouring it out. I'm finally starting to see the end of it. Just some books and dishes left.
I'm starting to think more and more that I want to sell the houses and bank the money and then live really well in an upscale rental where, if there is a plumbing issue, you call the building supervisor. And, if you want to go off globe trotting, you just have your mail stopped, turn the key, and walk away.
After my Mom died, I think my Dad just sort of crawled into this house and turned into a hermit. I don't want to live my older years that way. I still want to climb Machu Picchu and the pyramids. And countless other destinations.