You and your Dad are in my thoughts a lot, Robin.
My Dad, my brother, and I planted rose bushes on Mom's grave. Roses were her all-time favorite. When the time comes, take your Dad's ashes swimming. It will be good for both of you.
You make your choices, and you live with them. In the end, you are those choices.
"Strength is the mental and physical fortitude to endure, resilience to bounce back, and force to create change, allowing you to thrive in any circumstance and through any adversity." TrPAssassin