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Thread: Paleobird's Next Big Adventure page 135

  1. #1341
    zoebird's Avatar
    zoebird is offline Senior Member
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    It's ok to sit down and cry now and again. It is a lot to manage.

    Are there some things that you can out-source, like housekeeping and laundry? Perhaps a service that will wash/fold, and then you only have to put away, and then also a cleaning service (for both houses)?

    I'm glad that the overall prognosis is good for your dad, too. It's not easy to hear and work through.

    But feeling overwhelmed (and even frustrated) as well as sad at . . . well what buddhists call a "bardo" or a specific sacred time . . . so being sad about what this bardo is right now. . . that's ok.

  2. #1342
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    Quote Originally Posted by zoebird View Post
    It's ok to sit down and cry now and again. It is a lot to manage.

    Are there some things that you can out-source, like housekeeping and laundry? Perhaps a service that will wash/fold, and then you only have to put away, and then also a cleaning service (for both houses)?

    I'm glad that the overall prognosis is good for your dad, too. It's not easy to hear and work through.

    But feeling overwhelmed (and even frustrated) as well as sad at . . . well what buddhists call a "bardo" or a specific sacred time . . . so being sad about what this bardo is right now. . . that's ok.
    I would like to and we have the money but Dad is still in that stubborn mindset where he is reluctant to accept help. But if I don't step in and take a load of wash out to the washroom and do it for him, he will continue to wear the same four tee shirts for months. He is still wearing shirts my Mom picked out for him and she had been gone for 23 years. I finally just sat down with the LLBean website a few weeks ago and ordered him some basic wardrobe staples like polo shirts and dockers style shorts so he would at least have some things that are not falling apart and/or filthy to wear out in public. The next thing I think I need to do is toss all of his socks, underwear and tees and buy new ones. We are talking tee shirts that have been washed so many times you could read a newspaper through them. And gray fraying socks that were once white.

    He also won't let anyone come in to clean but he won't do it himself either. I don't blame him for not doing it, he is having some pretty severe balance issues. But it still needs to get done.


    That's an interesting way to look at things as a "bardo". Yes, I think it is a sacred time. Just as the birth of a new human is sacred, the end of a life well lived is something to be considered with reverence too.

  3. #1343
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    Could you outsource your house, so at least you're not doing double duty?
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  4. #1344
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    Wow, the last few posts are making me almost tear up. It makes me grateful that my parents have always been so open with me about their wishes and have a detailed will. I think after my grandpa's health deteriorated they weren't willing to take the chance of leaving things unsaid. It's an amazing thing that you are doing for your dad. It must be hard, but its nice that you get to spend this time with him. My dad retired last year and I try to spend a lot of time with him since I truly think it is the happiest time of his life right now. I guess it would be perfect if I gave him a grandkid to spoil, but I guess they should've thought of that when they made me an only child! 32 and no plans to have any soon do you have children?
    Cha-cha-cha changes.... turn and face the strange...

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  5. #1345
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    Quote Originally Posted by badgergirl View Post
    Could you outsource your house, so at least you're not doing double duty?
    +1


    Paleobird, I'm soooooo very sorry that things are so difficult right now! I feel for you, and you're right. I wish there was more we could do, but at least you know we're thinking of you. Wishing you the best. There are seasons to life. This too is a season. And no matter how it turns out, you'll be able to look back with satisfaction and peace, knowing that you did the best you could in the moment.

    Was it you who mentioned that your sister is coming to visit soon? If so, this will actually be a good help. She can get in there and whip your dad's place into shape.

    I find when work gets busy, that push comes to shove and I just have to let some things go. Like laundry (it'll pile up), or the dishes. (I switch to paper so I can throw them out.) Maybe you can cut out some of the un-urgent things in order to save your sanity.

    And get a housekeeper for yourself. Once you get over the whole, aaack! someone else is in my house! thing, you're just fine. It's actually very nice to come home to clean laundry, clean floors, and have the dishes done.

    I was lucky enough to be able to afford a housekeeper while I lived in Haiti. It was the only thing that kept me sane in the crazy world that Haiti was. Work was super duper crazy, and it was such a blessing to come home to a clean, safe, haven where things were well ordered.

    Do it for yourself, it's a good investment in your mental health.

    And you're right, Vienna is here. It's not going anywhere, anytime soon. It'll still be here when you make your next trip over.

  6. #1346
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    Quote Originally Posted by Paleobird View Post
    I would like to and we have the money but Dad is still in that stubborn mindset where he is reluctant to accept help. But if I don't step in and take a load of wash out to the washroom and do it for him, he will continue to wear the same four tee shirts for months. He is still wearing shirts my Mom picked out for him and she had been gone for 23 years. I finally just sat down with the LLBean website a few weeks ago and ordered him some basic wardrobe staples like polo shirts and dockers style shorts so he would at least have some things that are not falling apart and/or filthy to wear out in public. The next thing I think I need to do is toss all of his socks, underwear and tees and buy new ones. We are talking tee shirts that have been washed so many times you could read a newspaper through them. And gray fraying socks that were once white.

    He also won't let anyone come in to clean but he won't do it himself either. I don't blame him for not doing it, he is having some pretty severe balance issues. But it still needs to get done.
    Here's an idea: The next time you schedule a doctor's appointment for & with your dad (which generally takes a few hours at a minimum), pre-arrange & pay for a cleaning crew to come in & clean & spit shine his house top to bottom. You can do a bit of research online, Angieslist.com etc, & screen & find a bonded & insured company to do it. They'll come in with a crew, kick ass & leave without a trace, except for cleanliness & sparkle. And they won't steal or break anything, unlike some unbonded cheaper services!

    Quote Originally Posted by Paleobird View Post
    That's an interesting way to look at things as a "bardo". Yes, I think it is a sacred time. Just as the birth of a new human is sacred, the end of a life well lived is something to be considered with reverence too.
    Tibetan Book of the Dead, not a bad bedside read actually, despite the title, it's very interesting & not at all morbid or creepy...
    "Science is not belief but the will to find out." ~ Anonymous
    "Culture of the mind must be subservient to the heart." ~ Gandhi
    "The flogging will continue until morale improves." ~ Unknown


  7. #1347
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  8. #1348
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    Quote Originally Posted by Betorq View Post
    Tibetan Book of the Dead, not a bad bedside read actually, despite the title, it's very interesting & not at all morbid or creepy...
    We've lost a lot of people in our lives in the last few years, and the idea of the end-of-life bardo has really been helpful for me in dealing with some of those experiences and creating some peace around it.
    “If I didn't define myself for myself, I would be crunched into other people's fantasies for me and eaten alive.” --Audre Lorde

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  9. #1349
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    Quote Originally Posted by badgergirl View Post
    Could you outsource your house, so at least you're not doing double duty?
    I have someone in once a month to do the heavy stuff like floors and windows. It's good because, at least once a month I have to pick up all my stuff like shoes, cloths, paperwork, etc. and get it all put away. I started having them come in (It's a couple) when I was on chemo and really couldn't keep house. Then some combination of getting used to it and not having the heart to fire them took over.

    Quote Originally Posted by Jena View Post
    Wow, the last few posts are making me almost tear up. It makes me grateful that my parents have always been so open with me about their wishes and have a detailed will. I think after my grandpa's health deteriorated they weren't willing to take the chance of leaving things unsaid. It's an amazing thing that you are doing for your dad. It must be hard, but its nice that you get to spend this time with him. My dad retired last year and I try to spend a lot of time with him since I truly think it is the happiest time of his life right now. I guess it would be perfect if I gave him a grandkid to spoil, but I guess they should've thought of that when they made me an only child! 32 and no plans to have any soon do you have children?
    No, I don't have kids. Nor does my sister. My Dad would have made a wonderful Grandpa but he has been doing that on an honorary basis to the little kid who lives on our dead end street. Showing him how to set a gopher trap and all kinds of other cool stuff.

    Quote Originally Posted by lissee View Post
    Paleobird, I'm soooooo very sorry that things are so difficult right now! I feel for you, and you're right. I wish there was more we could do, but at least you know we're thinking of you. Wishing you the best. There are seasons to life. This too is a season. And no matter how it turns out, you'll be able to look back with satisfaction and peace, knowing that you did the best you could in the moment.

    Was it you who mentioned that your sister is coming to visit soon? If so, this will actually be a good help. She can get in there and whip your dad's place into shape.

    I find when work gets busy, that push comes to shove and I just have to let some things go. Like laundry (it'll pile up), or the dishes. (I switch to paper so I can throw them out.) Maybe you can cut out some of the un-urgent things in order to save your sanity.

    I was lucky enough to be able to afford a housekeeper while I lived in Haiti. It was the only thing that kept me sane in the crazy world that Haiti was. Work was super duper crazy, and it was such a blessing to come home to a clean, safe, haven where things were well ordered.

    Do it for yourself, it's a good investment in your mental health.

    And you're right, Vienna is here. It's not going anywhere, anytime soon. It'll still be here when you make your next trip over.
    Thank you, yes, it is a season. Natural, but kind of snowy and cold nonetheless.
    Yes, my sister, the cleaning fanatic is coming tomorrow so everything is going to get cleaned within and inch of its life. She is seriously anal retentive about that stuff. I am just going to let her do her thing.

    Quote Originally Posted by Betorq View Post
    Here's an idea: The next time you schedule a doctor's appointment for & with your dad (which generally takes a few hours at a minimum), pre-arrange & pay for a cleaning crew to come in & clean & spit shine his house top to bottom. You can do a bit of research online, Angieslist.com etc, & screen & find a bonded & insured company to do it. They'll come in with a crew, kick ass & leave without a trace, except for cleanliness & sparkle. And they won't steal or break anything, unlike some unbonded cheaper services!

    Tibetan Book of the Dead, not a bad bedside read actually, despite the title, it's very interesting & not at all morbid or creepy...
    I have a good one that I trust. See above. The problem is Dad leaves stuff all over the place and then gets upset if it is not right there. Although these days he doesn't remember where things are half the time anyway. Having a cleaning crew to blame losing things on might be kind of good.

    Quote Originally Posted by Sigi View Post
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    Back acha, Sigi. Thank you.

    Quote Originally Posted by Owly View Post
    We've lost a lot of people in our lives in the last few years, and the idea of the end-of-life bardo has really been helpful for me in dealing with some of those experiences and creating some peace around it.
    I have read The Book of the Dead. In fact I have a copy around here someplace. I should find that. As I recall the concept was about transitions from one state to another being honored and respected not fought against or resented.
    Last edited by Paleobird; 09-25-2012 at 08:52 AM.

  10. #1350
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    Just stopping by to say hello. Took a quick look at some of the posts and felt like I was stepping in where I don't belong, LOL... In any case, have a great day!
    Start Date 9.24.12
    Starting weight 285ish ( scale is acting funny so I don't trust it, but 285 is close )
    CW - 271 pounds
    First Goal - 255 by 2013
    Main Goal - To be healthy for my family... I have an awesome family.
    Other Goal - to get off some medications
    Final goal - to get to about 180 pounds by 2014
    NEW GOAL - When I can start a new journal called "Your dad is not so fat!"

    Your Dad is So Fat

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