Confessions of a Sugar Addict page

[AbigailLyn]

My name is Abby, and I am addicted to sugar.

Bah! There, I said it, now it's time to convince myself.

This is the 2nd time I've started a journal here, and the first time worked swimmingly. I was doing really well without it until last Tuesday. It all started with a bagel and then just went downhill - ice cream, sandwiches, peanut butter and jelly on toast, then came menu tasting at the restaurant I work at with cheesecake and plum crumble and hush puppies, cranberry oatmeal breakfast cake, donuts (3 in the span of an hour on Saturday), more pb&j, almost an entire loaf of ciabatti, more cheesecake and ice cream, cookies, and the list continues on. This is all in the span of about 5 days, but it led to a stark realization for me - that this shit is actually addictive.

So, here I go on my quest to reframe the way I think about food. I've been healthy all my life (at least look wise - always been active and skinny), ate healthy vegetarian diet for a while, lots of whole grains and black beans (I just got back from two years in Guatemala and black beans and corn tortillas were a daily staple), while I ate significant processed crap my mom always cooked meals as a kid and I've continued that pattern. I've ALWAYS had a huge sweet tooth and lived by the motto "Everything in Moderation" (perpetuated by my mother and her sweet tooth) and I think this is going to be the hardest part for me. As it turns out, moderation doesn't work for me. Gluten (and it turns out dairy and sugar too) is like a gateway food. For some reason I still think it's okay to occasionally dabble. Well, maybe it is for some people, but not for me.

So here goes. May is going to be my month to actually commit - to start thinking of gluten products, grains, and sugars as nicotine-like substances. I give my parents hell for smoking, but it doesn't seem like my behaviors are much different - only more accepted by society.

A little background, since I know this is going to turn lengthy anyways:

Like I said, I just got back from a fairly long stint in Guatemala, and it was somewhere around this time last year that I discovered primal. It took a long time to mentally accept the idea, but as soon as I tried it I realized how much more energy I had and how less bloated I felt all the time. I made the exception for traditionally prepared grains there because they were delicious, impossible to avoid, and I don't think all that bad for you (nixtamalized and all that jazz), but in the month that I decided to really be primal I saw huge changes in my body as well.

So now I'm back stateside where I was convinced it would be easier and enter delicious bakeries and farmer's markets with all their hand made local cheese galore and tasty breads and cookies and cupcakes and cake and cheesecake and brownies and it got difficult. Add that to the fact that I am living with my parents again, and while they respect my food choices they eat a very grain/dairy heavy diet so there is food I don't want to eat all around my house. When cravings hit, they hit hard, and are unfortunately easy to satisfy.

The other dilemma is my line of work. I'm currently working time and a half at two jobs. One is on a farm in my town. Small five acre organic vegetable farm, pretty much just myself and the farmer full time, and it leads to lots of heavy lifting and primal movements. It's awesome, and come june/july will be even better because I will be able to eat everything. My other job is at a restaurant downtown, and while the food is unbelievably delicious it is definitely not all primal friendly. So I'm on my feet for roughly 12 hours every day, stretched thin and so often cave to whatever's in site to eat, and eat a lot at the restaurant whatever they prepare us. These are all challenges I'm willing to overcome.

Yesterday I picked up our first month of the grass-fed meat csa we joined, which I'm hoping will be inspiration. This morning i'm starting out with Bulletproof coffee (something I Recently discovered from other people's threads...hot damn is this stuff rich. I may have to cut the butter tomorrow because I'm having trouble finishing it) with two eggs scrambled and a piece of dried mango that I'm trying to finish off in small batches. I know it's not May yet, but why put off until tomorrow what you can start today.

So here goes! No grains, no gluten, as minimal dairy as possible (except butter), no sugar, etc etc. I know I can do it because I've gone this length before. Intrigued to see what this coffee does to me. I really need higher energy, and probably should focus on fixing the sleep component as well. This week of binging has also made me realize that I think I need higher than average carbs than most, mostly because of the nature of my work. I felt incredible energy after the bread and realized that my physical activity probably warrants a higher carb intake, but just bought some organic sweet potatoes at the farmer's market and will try and stick to those (they're like candy to me anyways)

Anyways, thanks for reading this far for you brave souls. Wishing there was a sugarholics anonymous group to support me through it. Anyone in the Boston area want to start one with me? Surprised with how few primal folks I've met since being back, I thought it would've been bigger here (although I'm guessing everyone else is just as covert about it as I am for fear of societal backlash).

Have a fabulous day!

[AbigailLyn]

Day 1 went really well. Bulletproof coffee is INCREDIBLE. I had so much energy I didn't know what to do with myself and was sprinting all around the farm. I was so focused at work too and made no mistakes, which is a first. I don't know if I can attribute in entirely to the grass fed butter infusion, but that's the only thing I really changed. Trying it again for the rest of this week and we'll see what happens with it.

Apart from that, I did eat a fair bit. Around 3 before work I had some chicken soup and a huge bowl of buttered steamed kale. Staff meal was french bread pizza which I avoided like the plague but ate a fair bit of the special - salmon with garlic mashed potatoes and jumbo lump crab meat. Also had half caf coffee with cream. I guess that was it! Good for me - and I had sugar cravings when I got home but staved them off with some tasty tea (I think it has stevia in it, but not a lot).

No extra exercise today, but I was carrying heavy lengths of hose and buckets of rock around the farm all day and bike to the restaurant which is 35 minutes each way. Looking forward to buns of steal by the end of the summer.

On to day 2. Started off with bulletproof coffee and eggs. Yum.

[CanTasm]

Oh jeezus... I'm a sugar addict myself. "Moderation" does not work for me either, at all. Once I get going there is no limit to the amount I can eat in one sitting.

Anyway, I just started here but if you ever need a boost, look me up.

[AbigailLyn]

Blergh. Feeling crampy.

Started today off with BP coffee and eggs, but it didn't work as well as yesterday. I think I used less butter and didn't have the dried mango for my carb boost. Probably good because less sugar, but I definitely got hungry around 7. Up until I discovered BP Coffee (aka, yesterday) I was eating huge breakfasts of leftover meat, sauteed greens, and 3 eggs, and it was great, and i loved breakfast. Maybe I'll just add bp coffee and keep up the eggs. It's a lot of calories, but if it keeps me satiated until 3ish then I can get in only 2 meals a day and maybe it'll be better. I really missed my BAB today.

So, after that, i was craving food all day. I don't even think I can document how much I ate. I guess it was all "Technically" primal on it's own, but not in the quantities I ate. Snacked on sausage and sauerkraut around 11 (topped off with a spoonful of almond butter), then had kale with butter and balsamic and leftover chicken soup, then a spoonful of almond butter, more coffee with milk, and then got home from the farm around 4 and downed banana with almond butter, lots of greek yogurt with strawberries and walnuts, about 4 handfuls of cranberry (apple sweetened, no sugars, still no good), followed by gluten free meatloaf (thanks for listening mom!) and potatoes and broc and a salad, and then I had two dark chocolate squares. OVERLOAD! And the dairy induced cramps I'm experiencing right now are definitely NOT worth it. Blech.

Let's try and start tomorrow better shall we?

And thanks for the support cantasm! I really is a friggin addiction. My mom asked me today (When I complained about the crap I was doing) "Well why don't you just stop eating it!" And my response was "Why don't you just quit smoking?" She looked at me guiltily and walked away, so we agreed that we'd try to quit together. Huzzah! Also, minor achievement, my mom is "interested" in learning more about primal and even went to lengths to find a gluten free meatloaf recipe so that I could be included in dinner. SHmyay!

[honeybuns]

I have a positive thing for you to think about. DH has been eating primal with me(mostly) and has always had a major sweet tooth. We've been eating this way for a while now and one by one he has given up past favorites because they are waay too sweet now and just don't taste good to him any more.
We usually eat a high protein breakfast and don't want to eat again until dinner. Too full! The days we don't have a high protein breakfast he does get hungry midmorning but he doesn't reach for the sweet stuff anymore.
THERE IS HOPE!!

[songhunter]

¿Que pasaaaa? I can definitely identify with a lot of what you're saying about sugar and grain addiction, and that they are gateway foods. I didn't find out I was gluten-intolerant until March of last year, and I went absolutely cold turkey on gluten at that point. A lot of people say, Oh, well, I get it. You're a weirdie and giving up bread and stuff wasn't hard for you. But I LOVE BREAD. You wouldn't understand. To that, I reply (in my head, more often than not, because I do like having friendships), "I don't think you understand. I'm Scandinavian. Gluten is my heritage. I was raised on lefse and Christmas bread and cookies of every size and shape and color and biscuits & gravy and..." You get the point. It doesn't matter how much you love something or are addicted to something... you just have to decide that it is non-negotiable. Even if you're not technically allergic to gluten (or dairy, or whatever it is you are determined to cut out long-term), I'm sure you're cutting it out because you will see significant health benefits. For me, health issues are a good enough reason to say that you have an allergic reaction to something... I found that telling other people about my discovery of gluten intolerance was really good motivation to not eat things with gluten.

Wow, that was a ramble. Sorry about that. I'm just convinced that gluten is poisonous and I don't want people to be poisoned. Even if it is because of biscuits and sausage gravy. What a beautiful death...

And for the record, it's awesome that you and your mom can motivate each other! Keep it up and keep us posted!

[AbigailLyn]

Honeybuns - Thanks for the words of encouragement! I love reading all the stories on here of people who've overcome these addictions because it gives me hope. Still not easy, but definitely feels like there's light at the end of the tunnel at least.

Songhunter - I TOTALLY KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN! My family (aka overweight father) Used to make fun of me all through highschool calling me the carb queen because LITERALLY all I ate was pasta and bread and mashed potatoes (best thing (I thought) I discovered was mashed potato sandwiches - two pieces of wonderbread with mashed potatoes in the middle. Grok was probably vomitting). So hard to ditch, and at first such an "OHMYGOD I can't do that" mindset - especially being back in the states and having delicious bread at my disposal again. I actually started telling people at work I was gluten intolerant, and it makes it more acceptable (and less "She's just trying to look good for bathing suit season." ... partly guilty, but who isn't?) and helps hold me accountable because they all know. In Guatemala I started making up all sorts of allergies to avoid eating things - I believe mayo and sugar were in there - but no one believed me. Fair, since I started paleo after being there for 2 years and after everyone had already seen my uncanny ability to down half a cheesecake in one sitting.

Hm. Mary I checked out that article and it's all in a language I don't understand. shmo well.

Anyways, Just checking in after my BAB of leftover meatloaf, onions, kale, fried eggs (3) and BP coffee. Hopefully this keeps me sated longer than yesterday, but I've also been putting in the effort to not eat late into the night so that could be affecting my levels of hunger as well. We'll see what happens today. I got my friend to try BP coffee today and, in her words, "holy bananas you were right about that coffee. i feel like the energizer bunny on crack." Looking forward to another day at the farm!

I also am going to try to drink more water. I usually drink upwards of 3 liters a day but when I'm out in the field (or at the restaurant) I often forget about it until my lips are cracking and I am suffering exhaustion. Will try and keep with it today, and may be even worth investing in a camelbak (although i don't think that would be especially acceptable in the restaurant industry).

Also reinspired to stick to my "Wake up and dance" resolution for the new year. Today's wake up and dance song:

Mayer Hawthorne - Hooked - YouTube

Have a great Wednesday everybody!

[primalmontana]

Sugar/grains in moderation...what's that!? I can't control my self either, you would think the world was ending when I go on a sugar binge. Luckily, I do the shopping so there is not much around. But, I do manage to find my way to a PB&J or bowl of cereal. Oh, and that ice cream in the fridge that I buy when I get in my "fu** it moods.

Ok, what the hell is bulletproof coffee!? I keep reading about it, but no explanation as to how to make it.

[AbigailLyn]

primalmontana - I used to live alone, did all the shopping, never kept any crap in my house. It was awesome. Cravings would hit and I'd be like "OH WELL! I Guess I'll have another egg." Cue moving TEMPORARILY back home, my mom's addiction to morning oats, yogurt, and granola, and my dad's soon to come obesity and cravings are much easier to cave to. Look forward to the day when I get to choose everything in my house, and definitely goes in a point column for living alone.

Bulletproof coffee: Recipe: How to Make Your Coffee Bulletproof...And Your Morning Too | The Bulletproof Executive

I had to look it up, and it sounds disgusting, but holy tamales the energy boost! So worth it, and even pretty tasty (if you like butter. Mmmm...butter)

Anyways, mid day check in, just gorged on lunch. Had pretty much the same for breakfast because I brought home eggs from the farm, scrambeled instead of over easy and with goat cheese on top. Goat cheese is my crack. Goat cheese and chocolate. And clearly, sugar, but goat cheese tastes way better and goes well on everything (salad, apples, tomatoes, bacon, fingers...). Also had some fried sweet potatoes (in coconut oil) to meet my sweet tooth and topped it all off with two pieces of dark chocolate (talk about restraint) and some coffee. Trying to stave off starvation because I'm going out for Mexican tonight (quite the masochist, I am) and REALLY REALLY REALLY don't want to eat corn chips pre meal. Planning on finding the most primal thing on the menu, and then rejecting the rice and beans and cheese on the side. I'm really committed this time!

Also, has anyone else (in Boston, I guess) been to JP licks and seen their new experiments with Gluten and Dairy free ice cream? Apparently they're trying one a month until they figure out the most possible. Month one was coconut cream based and unfortunately everywhere was sold out I went. Month 2 was hemp based. Interesting but I'd definitely go for the coconut.

Wish me luck tonight!

[jenn26point2]

HI Abby. I have fallen in love with Coconut Bliss ice cream. I found it at a tiny little specialized nutrition store here, but I think Whole Foods would probably have it. Welcome | Luna & Larry's Coconut Bliss/Dairy & Soy Free/The Evolution of Ice Cream

I'm checking out bulletproof coffee. I don't drink coffee (unless it's the powdered sugary hot chocolate type from the gas station that they call capuccino... lol) but I have heard of people using coconut oil instead of butter before too.