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Thread: Confessions of a Sugar Addict page 9

  1. #81
    AbigailLyn's Avatar
    AbigailLyn is offline Senior Member
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    ALSO is there anything better than Endangered Species 88% Dark chocolate? Can't imagine it, but I'm open to ideas...

  2. #82
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    I'm sorry because you probably already said and I missed it, but why no butter? (I'm not eating it myself right now, so I do understand.) Is it a dairy intolerance? I'm asking because most people, depending on their dairy sensitivity, can still tolerate butter, and if not that, ghee (which is super easy to make, or you can buy it for a premium), b/c it's only the fat, no proteins or sugars to cause problems.

    Along the same lines, a lot of people with cravings find they can't eat coconut products like cream, milk, flakes, manna, ... but can eat coconut oil ... just the fat. I'm one of those, too. Coconut milk or manna gives me the obsessive gottahavemore feeling, and does the same bleh stuff to my digestion that dairy & grains do (but on a lesser scale). I don't expect that to last forever, just till I fix my gut of the damage all that gluten did to it...

    Quote Originally Posted by AbigailLyn View Post

    So, strategy for tomorrow is MORE FAT! I'm already eating a huge amount of food so I can't really see increasing it too much without pushing myself past my limits (which I don't want to get in the habit of either. It's a work in progress learning to stop eating when I'm full) but I will add in some extra coconut oil in the morning. Where does one buy lard in this country? It was so easy to get it in Guatemala and I never realized how lucky I was. Drat.
    One thing I've found is that getting in the big protein & fat breakfast has made it *easy* to stop when I'm full otherwise. And after time passed and I was able to take the fat down a good bit and the protein down some, I find that my satiety and stop-eating signals are stronger than they've ever been before. It's part of the amazing stuff that this has fixed for me, and a lot of other people have had the same experience.

    We all thought we just had bad habits, until we learned by experience that giving the body what it needs "miraculously" heals all those habits and makes eating well a no-brainer activity.

    I get lard from the drippings of the meat I cook, by skimming the cooled fat off the broth I make, and by rendering (simply means "melting") the fat out of the big hunks of pork fat that come with my pig. You *might* be able to find some rendered or unrendered lard at Whole Foods or something similar, o rby using eatwild.com to find a local farmer who sells it at a farmer's market near you, but what you don't want to do is buy it at a regular grocery store, where it is almost guaranteed to be hydrogenated! (don't worry, it'll say so on the label)
    5'4" 36yo mother to five sweeties & married to their AMAZING DaddyGrok
    Starting: 185 lbs (March '10)
    Current: 132.5 lbs
    Goal: 135 lbs (Hit Jan '13)
    Beating bingeing since 10/31/11 on my Leptin Reset journey

  3. #83
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    Bring on the Saturated Fat! Just had 4 pieces of bacon and then cooked the eggs in the ridiculous amount of bacon. Unfortunately I was too lazy to chop up onions and I realized the REAL purpose of onions in cooking - soaking up the fat. So much was left over in the pan and short of drinking it...well...I'm not quite at that level yet.

    Incredibly frustrated right now because it is THE MOST PERFECT farming day and I am on call at the restaurant and I just KNOW they will call me in out of spite. GAH. Don't...Want...To! Only one more week of this at least, but I can hear the farmer screaming in fury. Maybe I make up an excuse? But that's not honest, and I'm awful at lying.

    I also need to get more bones to render lard. Hm. I was doing that a lot with beef bones and tallow in Guatemala when I made stews, but haven't done it in this country yet. Gah, missing Guatemala.

    The butter thing is just because a friend and I are doing a no-dairy month. I don't really know why, I don't especially have bad reactions to dairy, but it does tend to make up most of my bingey foods so I figured this would be a good thing to do in solidarity to help with my mindless binges. I miss butter.

    UGH DON'T WANT TO GO TO THE RESTAURANT TODAY! Oh well, just goes to show I made the spectacularly right decision.

    How does one make Ghee? I thought it was just about heating the butter until it separates...logical thinking?

  4. #84
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    Yes, just heat gently till it separates, then pour off (through a coffee filter or something if you're concerned about dairy sensitivity) and keep the oil.

    A lot of people find dairy & coconut contribute to binginess, while butter & coconut oil don't. I know I'm one.
    5'4" 36yo mother to five sweeties & married to their AMAZING DaddyGrok
    Starting: 185 lbs (March '10)
    Current: 132.5 lbs
    Goal: 135 lbs (Hit Jan '13)
    Beating bingeing since 10/31/11 on my Leptin Reset journey

  5. #85
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    Holy saturated fat. Last night we had fish and steamed broccoli for dinner. I knew going into it that it was not going to be enough. No fat! Afterwards I was going crazy trying to satiate myself, and even though I recognized that what I needed was fat there was NO FAT in my house. Or at least non that satiated. All I wanted was ice cream, instead I had a bunch of dark chocolate, a banana, cranberries, several spoonfuls of almond butter/peanut butter. GAH! So then before I left I fried up two pieces of bacon but it was no where nearly enough. And then, disaster of disasters, my mom threw out the fat this morning before I cooked my eggs Sad face!

    Anyways, Mark's posts sometimes seem eerily intertwined with my own life. After almost restoring balance, I feel so much more sane and stress free. Even my binges are down because I'm not rushing to shove every morsel of food into my mouth before going on to the next task. I'm looking forward to being able to spend some down time this summer at the beach, playing volleyball, hiking, cooking out, and just being 25. Yes, I will have no money, but that's okay. Less alcohol, which will actually be better for me.

    Also, went out to hear music last night, was kind of in a mood all day...depression? Don't know, more of just a general overcast funk, and I'm getting mad at my farm boss as he constantly brings up how much happier I am now that I quit the restaurant - as if the restaurant was the most miserable place in the world and he's saved me. Um, sorry dude, but you were 75% of my stress, and the only reason you're not anymore is because I have 100% of my time to dedicate to you so you really can never complain again.

    I'm in a weird place, and it probably has nothing to do with tracking my primal progress but where else to vent but here. I don't know what I've been doing the past 2 months, but it definitely isn't Abby. I think I got caught up in being back in the states - being surrounded by opportunities for entertainment, able to drink freely and be safe, all the "positive" and unthreatening attention, and just being able to be a normal 25 year old again. I realized the other night that the people I'm hanging out with are not the kind of people I should be with - they're kind of dead weights, restaurant people who are never leaving the industry and really have not too much going for them in their life. I guess that's not entirely fair to say, so we'll just say that we've made different decisions in life and don't have much in common and that how we want to live our lives are...well...not compatible to friendship. My biggest fear leaving the restaurant is the people, but then it hit me that I don't really like these people. I don't feel especially motivated, inspired, or refreshed by hanging out with them. They're actually pretty toxic to me considering the lifestyle they've encouraged me to adopt. I don't know, just realizing I need to make some changes. The scary part is all of my friends in town are leaving for the summer and I am to be left alone and bored! This was one of the fears giving up the restaurant I guess, but in the long run yes - I can keep those plates spinning and borderline about to fall over, but at some point I'm going to get tired from running and they will all topple over. Let's not wait until I get to that point.

    I have to go into the restaurant in a half hour and I don't want to see anyone. Yesterday when I called in for my on call shift my Boss made some stupid cesar joke in reference to Brutus' betrayal. Aka, I betrayed them, funny funny, go suck it.

    Anyways, I'm in a funk today and don't want to go into the restaurant and hear snide comments and dickwads talking about me behind my back. At least I'm working with the other girl who quit 3 days before me. We can bond over that.

    Breakfast was 3 strips bacon plus onions, spinach, and 4 eggs cooked in the fat (will not ever again make the mistake of leaving the fat in the pan). Black coffee. Not planning on eating until around 6 when I have dinner with a friend so tried to make it extra big and fattening, but I'm not sure if it will hold me. I guess we'll see what pre-meal is.

    Also, this is day 6 of being dairy free! I'm quite impressed with myself. My farmer boss thinks I'm crazy - why would you voluntarily give up good cheese?!?! It's hard with these peeps because they are so dead set on their way of eating i.e. everything organic in moderation. I have not yet brought up the gluten issue with them nor do I plan on it. Fear the reaction and the judgmental looks, and I've also been throwing out the "chicken bread" they've been giving me for 2 months...so...awkward.

    Anyways, had maybe half a beer last night. Didn't want it, just felt like I couldn't be at a bar without having something in my hand (more guilt for taking up space and not spending money). My friend had to help me finish it - I just can't do it! Plus it makes me all phlegmy and mucosy and grossy

    munched on some frozen coconut at my friends house last night. Gawd how I miss fresh coconut, and the water. Damn it Guatemala.

    Grey day to match my grey mood. Here's hoping it gets better by this evening!

  6. #86
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    If it's a funk that just started, it could just be a hormonal upheaval, maybe from detox, maybe a sugar withdrawal. I got those a lot in the first several months after the binges started getting less and my body really started getting nourished. Sometimes they lasted 2hrs, sometimes a whole day. If it's hormonal or microbial detox, an epsom salt bath or activated charcoal may help.

    IDK what "normal 25 yo" means for you, but do keep in mind that the true norm is being completely independent & raising a family long before that age. Partying would be rare, although still present in a measured way. I'm not AT ALL implying you should get out there and make some babies, lol! I'm just wondering aloud if maybe part of your stress could stem from not being in charge of your own circumstances, as your biology & neurology would expect by this point. Just a thought that came to mind, and if not relevant, ignore and carry on!
    5'4" 36yo mother to five sweeties & married to their AMAZING DaddyGrok
    Starting: 185 lbs (March '10)
    Current: 132.5 lbs
    Goal: 135 lbs (Hit Jan '13)
    Beating bingeing since 10/31/11 on my Leptin Reset journey

  7. #87
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    @mamagrok, thanks for the advice!

    @abby, haven't seen endangered species 88% ard, but the supermarkets here do sporadic discounts on lindt and green & blacks, so that's when i snap them up to stock. I should probably give up that habit though -_- Also I've stopped buying almond butter. It's primal crack to me. Boo. Anyway stay strong on the no-dairy! Woohooo!

  8. #88
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    I know what it's like to not have very many good friends. We moved to the middle of nowhere 2 yrs ago for my husbands job. I left a very close friend behind, it was hard b/c she is one of the only people I have ever treacly been able to talk to. We still meet up a couple times a year, which is awesome, but it's not the same. Even though it's been hard, I am really beginning to enjoy my alone and quiet time. I have my crazy 3yo so I'm never really alone but I embrace the times I am.

    Maybe you will meet some new people when you begin to do fun things with your exta time! I have met some of my best friends through fitness classes at my gym. These are people who share similar beliefs and goal.

  9. #89
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    My best friend - the one I have told my deepest darkest secrets to - lives in Florida. I live in Iowa. I miss her. I have told her things I wouldn't DREAM of admitting to anyone else - and she still accepts me. That's a friend right there.

    I commend you on your success at avoiding the dairy. It's gotta be hard. do you strain your bacon fat? I do. I strain it through two paper towels and it turns all white and stuff when it cools. So pretty.

    I hope you're able to find a way to increase your fats soon. butter is just so easy, isn't it?
    Primal since March 5, 2012
    SW: 221 | CW: 182 | LPW: 166 | UGW: 140 (80 lbs loss)




  10. #90
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    Oh Shucks...I'm about to get sappy.

    Guys, I just want to say how grateful I am for people like you. There's nothing like coming home feeling kind of shitty and depressed and knowing that random people who have never met you actually care. So thanks!

    Anyways, yesterday was less than great, mostly because I really enjoyed my day at the restaurant and those days are numbered. Boo. Oh well, it's necessary, and I am certain I made the right decision. Plus, they're planning a group trip to the farm so that'll be fun. I can't wait for them to show up while I'm covered in dirt and up to my knees in chicken shit. Cue minds blown.

    So I had some eggs in the morning after my breakfast at the restaurant because I was hungry, and then on the way to meet a friend for drinks I had a peanut butter reese's cookie. It was awesome. I have no regrets about it. That's what the 20% is for right?

    So then I had a few drinks over the course of the night and vietnamese food for dinner. Had chicken and veggies and white rice and it was also delicious. When I got home my mom was just packing up the goodies from book club and I shoved two, disgusting, duncan hines brownies-in-a-box. They were gross, and I just ate them because I was tired an delayed going to bed because my mom wanted to talk. Gah. Two m&ms as well but I actually recognized those as being nauseating and put them back. Gross. Progress?

    Anyways, I'm really sick of seeing my tummy bloat. I'm borderline at the brink of lapsing back into chronic cardio, even though I recognize that it took my energy for the entire day, because it is the only time in my life that I've been sans tummy bloat (Except for like 4 days when I did a leptin reset last year). I also miss running.

    Anyways, pushing through the last week at the restaurant (and probably killing myself simultaneously, but it's only a week). Today is a huge farm work day and may end in sitting on the stoop and shooting rabbits. I feel like elmer fudd, and almost like I'm turning into a little bit of a hillbilly. Dawn wabbits...

    Happy memorial day to all those in the states!

    Also, I think I'm going to bring butter back. Just stay clear from cheese and milk and stuff. I love butter.

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