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Thread: Confessions of a Sugar Addict page 11

  1. #101
    MamaGrok's Avatar
    MamaGrok is offline Senior Member
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    Primal Fuel
    I loved Antigua. Beautiful place, beautiful people, at least 20 years ago.

    Sounds like you're getting at least 50g protein. That was a huge help to me. Eventually I had to move to 65 to stop the binges, but every increase helped.
    5'4" 36yo mother to five sweeties & married to their AMAZING DaddyGrok
    Starting: 185 lbs (March '10)
    Current: 132.5 lbs
    Goal: 135 lbs (Hit Jan '13)
    Beating bingeing since 10/31/11 on my Leptin Reset journey

  2. #102
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    Day 490

    Yup. It's not starting over, just continuing in a different direction, so we're not going to look at this as Day 1. This is day 490 since I discovered primal (more or less guessing a start date, it was somewhere during Feb last year) and there is no more such thing as starting over with life.

    Anyways, this might be a little long because there are a few things that I've had on my mind that I want to get out there. The last few days have been horrible eating wise. Yesterday I had a graduation party for a girl I used to babysit (I feel old) and ate so many chocolate covered raisins and cookies and had mucho vino. But first:

    Eating:
    B: 4.5 oz meatloaf (no gluten or dairy) with onions, swiss chard, and 3 eggs (Desperately seeking MAMAGROKS approval Yesterday I measured out what I thought was 3-4 oz and it turned ou to be only 1.5. Yikes! Hopefully today's breakfast keeps me going longer.
    L: TBD
    D: TBD

    Will update meals tomorrow. I am a little worried because I'm spending the night at a friend's house in Maine and they're very fresh eaters but vegetarian, so I'm trying to think about how to avoid grains. My thoughts are prevention techniques, so I'm bringing 6 hard boiled eggs, my last small bit of steak, and some cole slaw in hopes of avoiding eating grains, but we'll see what happens. I am not going to kill myself and be rude and disrespectful, and if this has to be one of my cheat days so be it.

    Exercise
    45 minutes of fairly light yoga in the morning. Just trying to get back into a routine. Am planning on going for a walk this evening with friends if it's nice enough out, or at least some trekking around her farm.

    Mood
    Feeling pretty blue. Yoga definitely helped, but yesterday was my last day at the restaurant which was surprisingly harder than I realized. Mostly because I did enjoy it and felt bad leaving my friends, largely due to the fact that I feel like I'm losing a community and have difficulties when anything like that ends (even though, let's be honest, is it a community I really want to keep? There are 6 people I really enjoy there (apart from the kitchen boys) and I'll keep in touch with them if they are keepers). Part of it was that no one was really that sad to see me leave (kick in the face) and then a huge part of it was feeling like a failure - like I quit because I wasn't good enough to do everything. On some level I know that's not true, life is about balance and all that jazz, but it still feels shitty Also last night I spent some time going through Guatemala pictures to put on facebook which made me super nostalgic and blue, and also cut into my sleep time. Damn it.

    Acne
    Have been breaking out a lot lately considering how beautiful my skin was when I was (truly) 90% primal. I know it's the wheat and sugar that's been doing it to me, so hopefully this will clear up soon. I don't have horrible skin, mostly just weird bumps on my forehead that pop up around TTOM and typical oily nose occasionally, but it really is quite nice most of the time. Need to work on wrinkle prevention!

    Energy
    Bleeeeeeerg. Much better after yoga and coffee, but I definitely need more sleep. There have been a few nights in a row that have been lacking good sleep. Will work on this and try to turn off computer earlier on in the night, as well as not go out as much (easier now that I just lost half of my friends).


    Anyways, I think typically I want to recap at the end of the day but I knew since I'm traveling today and not at home I won't necessarily have access to unlimited internet usage this evening.

    Some thoughts of my own that nobody really cares about:

    Barefoot shoes have changed my life. I never thought I'd be one of those that wears them out in public, and I still can't really run far without my calves tightening up ridiculously, but it's amazing how much time in the past few months I've been able to be on my feet without issues. I love them love them love them, and lately have been staring at my feet a lot to see how they've been changing. My toes are spreading out nicely and no longer have that crunched up puzzle piece look. My baby toes are starting to be more aligned with the outside of my foot rather than pinched in and looking like I'm about to develop corns, and I find my posture to be much better and my calf muscles are getting huge (not necessarily a good thing). On Saturday night I went to a dominican party and as from my experience most latinos get real fancy to go out, I put on heels. I have not worn heels in months. Personally, I really hate them, and wouldn't have bought them EVER except my friend convinced me they were a staple and they were 30 at a resale shop vs. normal 120 or so. Oh my god did I pay for it. PAIN! Knees, calves, shins, feet...my poor feet! Why do we do this to ourselves ladies?!?! My posture sucked, my ass really didn't look that great, and oh my god MY FEET! I am so sorry feetsies, it won't happen again!
    So then I was on the train and got creepy and started staring at everyone else's feet, and noticed a trend in women's feet. They're DISGUSTING LOOKING! They're all smooshed together and hunch back (you know, when it looks like the toes have been crammed into shoes too small for a really long time) and bruised and blistered. When did we start hating our feet so much and punishing them for keeping us upright?!?! This is not foot-binding China anymore, but it doesn't seem like we've progressed that much.

  3. #103
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    Thoughts on priorities

    Anyways, that's thought one, thought two is this:

    At the beginning of the year, I made a resolutions chart. Drew pictures and mapped out all my resolutions for the year. I don't know anywhere else publicly to reflect on it but here, and even though the resolutions are not ALL primal I think many still relate. Here they are:

    Smile more and make others smile with you - I've always been good at this, but it definitely has been failing a little lately due to being over stressed. I was the perker upper at the restaurant, now maybe I can devote that same energy to everyone else in my life
    meditate at least 5 minutes daily - need to do this, mostly for mental health and being okay with where I am. Again, more time now!
    Learn Guiter - eh...working on it
    Learn French - has not happened
    Be more intentional about eating - constant struggle, but hopefully I am making progress
    wake up dancing! - need to do this. NEED To DO THIS! Today I woke up to the tiny desk concert of Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeroes. So much love for them
    BE PRESENT - has not happened. Too busy to be present. Will happen now
    KEep in touch with PC Life - also has not happened. Too busy. More time now = more connections
    Fully immerse yourself in farming - see! Quitting the restaurant was the right idea! Steps in the right direction!
    Read for Knowledge - mostly pertains to farming, ag, nutrition, etc. Will have more time for this now
    Make my bed - errrm
    Do projects with Dad - he has been super depressed lately. I need to work on this
    Take Bandit for more walks - more time now, hopefully will happen
    Listen to more music as background noise (instead of leaving the tv on) - definitely doing better on this
    GOSSIP LESS - I stayed pretty good at this, especially considering the gossipy environment of restaurant life, but hopefully will get better now that I'm out of it
    Get enough sleep - this has not happened. Again, more free time = more sleep
    Adopt a consistent ygoa practice and STICK TO IT - one of my goals for the next month
    Learn to be organized and stay organized - hard to do this when your mind is cluttered with too much to do. Oh well, now the restaurant is gone hopefully this will happen
    Play piano more - again, need more time
    GO on lots of dates and give people a chance - I was into OKCupid for like a week coming back. It failed me miserably, and with all my business I haven't really had time for dating. Maybe I'll try and make more time for this, maybe not. Bottom line is that I've had the nasty wake up call of realizing that most guys are only interested in you if you want either a relationship or sex, and I'm always on the friendship first page. So, we'll see what happens there. Any primal boys in boston?!?! Haven't met too many, and the ones that have messaged me on OKCupid are...well...less than exciting (and a little creepy)
    Think before you speak - yea....working on that
    Make new true friends - I have to be honest with myself that most of the people at the restaurant were not this - TRUE FRIENDS - they were circumstantial friends that really provided me with very little motivation or inspiration. I like inspiring friends. Have made a few really good ones since coming back. Now hopefully I'll have more time to seek out more cool people. Again - young primalites in Boston? Hit me up!
    Don't get sloppy - referring to alcohol. Haven't really done anything too stupid due to intoxication since being back. Was never a huge issue, but I always had a few nights here and there
    Slow down! - WHOA! Completely forgot about this one (clearly).
    Be Kind - always try
    Approach Parents wiht Compassion and Understanding - constant struggle
    Don't worry so much about money - goes without saying that this is a challenge for me, as quitting the restaurant leaves me super panicked about not being able to afford my lifestyle. I have to remind myself I have savings and life is not about just watching a number go up and stressing about when it goes down.
    Ride my bike everywhere - bitchslapped this one. Boom.
    Watch less television repeats - too busy for tv!
    Salsa - AH! Need to do this
    Do stuff with mom - will hopefully have more time
    Cosntantly seek out opportunities for improvement - am going to a sustainable ag conference in August. Super excited about learning!
    Spread Love - just needed to fill up space with this one. But yea, let's work on it
    Have an abuelita - this was something I was super excited about pre-arrival in US and just have completely neglected. I was planning on volunteering with this Big Brother/Big Sisteresque organization that instead of little sisters you visit elderly folks, and they have a whole population of spanish speaking elders. I think it's fate that the same week I quit the restaurant the girl from there emailed me to see if I was still interestsed. So yay, priorities straight

    Going over this list makes me realize how incredibly necessary it was to quit the restaurant and how much of my life I was neglecting by making a few extra bucks and having fun. Time to recommit to the things that are important in my life and attempt to achieve more balance. We'll see, but this is making me feel a little better about decisions I've made in the last week. <sigh> slow breaths and perspective.

    Anyways, I also decided that this journal needs to be more primal related. I'm getting a little xanga-y with my super emo highschooleresque posts. Thinking I'm pretty lame right now.

    Haha, give yourself a break AbigailLyn!

    Hope everyone else is starting their week off right!

  4. #104
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    fiercehunter is offline Banned
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    Get the grains out for sure. Sugar.... welll.......... You might need a shift of perspective.
    Glucose and sucrose for diabetes.

    I love sugar and am not going to give it up- it's fine in moderation.

  5. #105
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    jenn26point2 is online now Senior Member
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    I haven't paid that much attention to feet recently but as you were describing yours (puzzle pieces, pushed inward, etc) I realized all those things were going on with me. I've been wearing Dr. Scholl's Fast Flats for a couple of weeks now (my version of barefoot on a budget). My little toe is still curved inward and my toe fluff (the skin and fat around my toes) is still formed to the toe next to it. Maybe I need to give in and buy a pair of VFF to help spread things back out. My concern is whether or not my arch is going to fall with all this barefoot walking and cause me to develop flat feet. I like my arch, thankyouverymuch.
    Primal since March 5, 2012
    SW: 221 | CW: 182 | LPW: 166 | UGW: 140 (80 lbs loss)




  6. #106
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    jenn, the theory goes that arches are developed by walking barefeet - they're muscles. Architectural arches don't need support from underneath to keep them that way, and neither do your feet.

    fiercehunter - I'm glad you can do moderation. Those of us with 24/7 cravings cannot. It is *exactly* like telling an alcoholic to do moderation.
    5'4" 36yo mother to five sweeties & married to their AMAZING DaddyGrok
    Starting: 185 lbs (March '10)
    Current: 132.5 lbs
    Goal: 135 lbs (Hit Jan '13)
    Beating bingeing since 10/31/11 on my Leptin Reset journey

  7. #107
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    jenn26point2 is online now Senior Member
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    Thanks Mama.
    Primal since March 5, 2012
    SW: 221 | CW: 182 | LPW: 166 | UGW: 140 (80 lbs loss)




  8. #108
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    Okay, so road trips kill me.

    Finishing update from yesterday:

    Eating: Not great. Not good. Definitely my first cheat day. It's hard to be strict when you're with good people who make GREAT food and really care about health. The friend I visited is awesome but super moosewood. It used to be one of our common things - home made granola and bread and delicious things like that - and now it seems like it's alienating me. So I just said fuck it. I ate it. It's a challenge how to stick to this lifestyle without making it alienating, and I guess the solution is to allow room for wiggling. Shmo well.

    I ate a pack of cashews from a vending machine to help me stay awake on the drive. I only had half an hour left but could felt myself nodding off so wanted something to occupy me. They only had vending machines. All I wanted was an apple. Couldn't have it. Salted cashews (made in some kind of gross nut oil) were the best things, and then I had my 1.5 oz piece of steak. Then I got to friend's house and had homemade english muffins, a bowl of homemade granola and milk, and several pieces of homemade sourdough bread with oil. It was all delicious, I probably could've gotten away with eating less, but I didn't. Then we had risotto with asparagus, fennel heads, and romano cheese (and LOADS of Maine butter) which was okay - a little salty for my taste and I don't really care for rice - but I stopped myself before eating the whole bowl because I was full. Progress. Also had some "chemical corn" (i.e. microwave popcorn at the bar we went to), about 10 oz beer (couldn't finish the whole 20) and gelato for dessert. The gelato was delicious and it was SUCH a small portion but filled me up so much. So I realized that high quality cheats lead me to not binging so much because I physically can't. Give me crap ice cream and I'll eat a pint, but good quality locally made stuff fills me up after a kiddie cup. Learning!

    Today has been good so far, but I will update on eating and the works at the end of it. Better than putting so many posts up and confusing myself.

    ANYWAYS, Maine totally rejuvenated me and I'm feeling better about life. Took a long walk after dinner to the river to see it rising from all the rain. it was RIDICULOUSly high and so cool to watch. Ah, the little things, but it made me realize that this crazy 20 something year old lifestyle of drinking and spending lots of money and being stupid is not what makes me happy. I'm happiest spending quality time with good people doing fun things like walking through nature and playing games. Time to remember me again...I so often forget.

    Hoping this week goes better than last. I always feel more stress free without the restaurant, so hopefully it will carry over into all aspects of my life.

    Happy Tuesday! Will be back later

  9. #109
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    Jenn - VFF are my favorite thing on earth. I totally used to judge people for them and am now eating my words. Although I will say I haven't noticed any change in my arch. My feet actually feel stronger and look like what I think they may be supposed to look like. I like Mamagrok's thinking on the issue

    Fiercehunter - I totally hope you're right and don't plan on cutting out sugar entirely forever. I'm fine with eating some fruit and my dark chocolate, and the occasional treat, it just needs to stop being a part of every meal and overtaking my life. Once I get some control over my consumption I'll definitely feel better about "moderation"

  10. #110
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    me2
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    I'm so glad I'm not the only one starting over w/ the leptin reset, I'm here for you sister!

    I so can't slip on those geeky shoes but I know I would like them. My feet are happier when barefoot for sure!

    Here's to kicking the sugar, it's not easy and I feel like cheating begets cheating. I do honey in moderation which is loads better for you, just ask Mark. Also stevia really helps, they even make Zevia, a stevia soda that can help one get through serious cravings, and I have seen a stevia sweetened coconut ice cream at Whole foods, I've never tried it though. What I really want is a stevia slurpee.
    Notebook of a Nutrition Nerd

    ‘THE FOOD YOU EAT CAN BE THE SAFEST AND MOST POWERFUL FORM OF MEDICINE OR THE SLOWEST RELEASING POISON' - Dr Ann Wigmore.

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