Confessions of a Sugar Addict page 10

[Jacq ChocMonster]

I love butter too. I prowled the baked good aisle again today. Lame! Butter shortbread cookies were going for dirt cheap (I know it's treacherous to say this, but primal version of butter shortbread is just not as good as the real evil thing!). Anyway I don't know how, but I resisted. Then I gave in and bought peanut butter. Sigh.

[OutdoorAmy]

I'm a total sugarholic too. Just your list of foods had me salivating. If I hadn't just eaten two tasty and filling egg muffins I think I might have caved right then and there. I can totally understand where you are coming from too. I am a full-time student and work part-time at two different jobs that keep me out of the house over lunch, and away from good food storage and prep space as well, 3 or more days a week. It is tough to eat healthy and how I want to when fast food (or fast-ish) food seems to be the only option so often. If I bend and have one sandwich then suddenly I blow off the whole day and end up fudging with dinner too. That is why I am trying to go two whole weeks completely cold turkey. Hoping that will help me cut down on the cravings. Thought a cheat day would help, but I think I need to firmly establish good habits before I allow myself to fudge any (pun intended).

[AbigailLyn]

I'm a total sugarholic too. Just your list of foods had me salivating. If I hadn't just eaten two tasty and filling egg muffins I think I might have caved right then and there. I can totally understand where you are coming from too. I am a full-time student and work part-time at two different jobs that keep me out of the house over lunch, and away from good food storage and prep space as well, 3 or more days a week. It is tough to eat healthy and how I want to when fast food (or fast-ish) food seems to be the only option so often. If I bend and have one sandwich then suddenly I blow off the whole day and end up fudging with dinner too. That is why I am trying to go two whole weeks completely cold turkey. Hoping that will help me cut down on the cravings. Thought a cheat day would help, but I think I need to firmly establish good habits before I allow myself to fudge any (pun intended).

ooooh...fudge...

Hopefully my life with get a little less hectic now that I've quit one job. Last night I didn't eat all day and then as I was folding napkins in the kitchen there was leftover cake from a baby shower. Enter Abby.

Good luck with your 2 weeks cold turkey! I know every time I've tried to go cold turkey about a week in I get really angry at Mark and Grok and throw it all to the wind, but it works for some people. Eat lots of fat!

[AbigailLyn]

I love butter too. I prowled the baked good aisle again today. Lame! Butter shortbread cookies were going for dirt cheap (I know it's treacherous to say this, but primal version of butter shortbread is just not as good as the real evil thing!). Anyway I don't know how, but I resisted. Then I gave in and bought peanut butter. Sigh.

It is my experience that the real evil thing is ALWAYS better. There are delicious primal deserts, yes, but if you f*ck with my grandma's chocolate cake and try and put coconut flour in it...I will probably cut you. Also, I feel like primal desserts still aren't great for you, so in my opinion if you're going to put crap into your body it may as well taste like you want it to taste. That being said, there are plenty of desserts I used to think were tasty that now I can't stand (most of them come prepackaged. Nothing ever trumps home baked)

[AbigailLyn]

Okay, so the duncan hines part of the story isn't too exciting. Saturday night I came home, saw duncan hines brownies, wanted them OH SO BAD (could not for the life of me figure out waht it was that my body was craving), had dark chocolate instead. Abby: 1 Duncan Hines: 1

Then work happened. Had a double yesterday. Made epic amounts of money and had a great time, both of which are making it hard to quit. Premeal was pancakes, and for some reason they smelled great and I made the very conscious decision to indulge. They were delicious, and surprisingly I didn't feel too shitty afterwards (although a little shitty, yes). Then I didn't eat the entirety of my shift until I was folding napkins at 10 and gorged on baby shower cake leftovers. Red velvet. Also ate the icing off my friend's pieces. Yum. Also had a cookie from subway. I Guess the upside of quitting the restaurant is that things like THAT won't happen with quite as much frequency. Hopefully.

Also I successfully (maybe) finished cooking my first beef heart stew! IT will be lunch, I'm a little worried, it cooked for a really long time (15 hours in the crock pot) but hopefully it will be tasty!

I'm trying not to be too sad about leaving the restaurant, but yesterday was such a good day. I was working with people I Really enjoyed the whole time, made no mistakes, made tons of money (1/3 of my monthly salary for the farm in a day), and enjoyed it! Granted, I have to remember this doesn't happen every day, there are plenty of miserable people that are no joy to work with and plenty of days when everyone sucks and tips horribly. Everything looks greener as you're leaving. Plus, maybe I'll just look at yesterday as having paid for 3 months of yoga classes. Yea. Also everyone is getting a little too comfortable sexually harassing me, so maybe it is time to go. I'm going to try to go back come November but it's just too much right now.

Some old friends are popping out of the woodwork as well, so maybe my social life will not be as dead as I thought.

Also, I am back in a place where I am happy and loving life, so that's awesome. Just pretty exhausted at the moment.

Really need to start reading wheatbelly and reaffirm my faith that wheat is bad for me. Apparently horrible stinky gas is not enough motivation. I'm gross.

[AbigailLyn]

So, Duncan won. Bastard.

Today was one of the worse days in the past year. Well, actually, I have a host of crappy days to choose from. It's on the worse spectrum. Needless to say I am physically and emotionally exhausted. Ugh. Hating life. Hating everything.

Anyways, you all don't need to hear it, today's cheats were:

2 duncan hines brownies (one, yes, in the shower)
chocolate squares
peanut butter
yogurt and fruit
pizza
2 slices ricotta pie (like, cheesecake. delicious)

ummmmmm good job abby

bed. hoping tomorrow is better

[AbigailLyn]

So, the truth is there could have been a Abby vs. Duncan Hines part IV and V, both which would have ended obnoxiously similar to part III. This week has been rough, to say the least. Monday was one of the worst days I've had in a while and it literally felt like the world was just caving in on me. Haven't felt like that in a while.

Anyways, after this weekend sanity should return and everything will look a little brighter. I have two shifts left at the restaurant to (hopefully) end on a semi-good note and then refocus on me. I decided it makes no sense to attempt for anything new until then because I'm just too stressed, overwork, and anxious about everything, but come Monday I am going to make some new changes.

Yesterday I had pizza for lunch (and for dinner the evening before). I love pizza. It is delicious, and always satisfying, but HOLY SHOOT how much it killed me. Literally ould barely keep my eyes open and had to leave work early and take a 2 hour nap before dinner. I also got super phlegmy. Maybe I actually do have an allergy to gluten. Huh.

Monday marks 25 days until I turn 25, and so I'm going to set myself on a little primal challenge.

1) Entirely primal allowing for 5 cheat days. I figure this way I know in advance that I have these allotted cheats and will (hopefully) use them wisely. The once a week doesn't always work for me because sometimes cheats happen more than once a week and sometimes I use them just because they're there, so I figure 5 days this way I can judge whether or not something is really worth one of my cheat days. I have a few ones already planned out - 2 friends birthdays - but other than that I'm going to try to be strictly primal - that means no sugary shit and no dairy (with the exception of butter, because cutting that out was a MAJOR fail). I will also be detailing ALL my cheats here for accountability's sake. I figured out that when I stopped logging my food I started making more bad decisions because no one had to know about them. Alcohol COUNTS AS A CHEAT. that will be difficult. not like I am an alcoholic, but it's become more of a habit than I would like it to be.
2) Mental health - yoga and meditation every morning for at least 20 minutes yoga 5 minutes meditation. Time to get my head back on straight. I'm going to try to go for more yoga later in the day, but this is a way to at least get me going down that track again.
3) Exercise - walking every evening for at least a half hour after dinner. The past few days I've been walking with a friend at night, about 2 hours each night, and it's ridiculous how much better I sleep and how much less bloated I feel in the morning. Also, aim for more yoga and running a few times a week.
4) Sleep - get it. End of story.

So, every day I'm going to chronicle:
cheats
exercise
mood
acne
energy


I think that's all. Let's see what happens. Here's to starting a new quarter century on the right foot, and also for sanity returning to my life. Sanity, what a new concept.

okay, back to the farm!

[jenn26point2]

Hi Abby. I like your new plan for the next 25 days and can't wait to see how they unfold.

Don't worry about your recent transgressions. They are the past. They cannot be changed. Therefore, they matter not. Just move forward toward your goals.

I hope you're having a good day.

[MamaGrok]

2 duncan hines brownies (one, yes, in the shower)
chocolate squares
peanut butter
yogurt and fruit
pizza
2 slices ricotta pie (like, cheesecake. delicious)

BTDT; it's in the past.

Yours will be, too, some day.

So, the truth is there could have been a Abby vs. Duncan Hines part IV and V, both which would have ended obnoxiously similar to part III. This week has been rough, to say the least. Monday was one of the worst days I've had in a while and it literally felt like the world was just caving in on me. Haven't felt like that in a while.

Interesting. It took me a long time to realize that when I would say "well, ,that binge wasn't too bad physically" that the emotional after-effects for the next few days were all tied in, too.

Yesterday I had pizza for lunch (and for dinner the evening before). I love pizza. It is delicious, and always satisfying,

Believe it or not, but you may find that outlook changing some day, too. I can hardly stand the thought of it (a bowl of cheesy meat, sure, but the pizza itself; yeah, it was the sweet bread that I was really addicted to).

I think most of us are actually intolerant to this modern mutant wheat. Not a "true" allergy, but certainly truly intolerant.

1) Entirely primal allowing for 5 cheat days. I figure this way I know in advance that I have these allotted cheats and will (hopefully) use them wisely. The once a week doesn't always work for me because sometimes cheats happen more than once a week and sometimes I use them just because they're there, so I figure 5 days this way I can judge whether or not something is really worth one of my cheat days. I have a few ones already planned out - 2 friends birthdays - but other than that I'm going to try to be strictly primal - that means no sugary shit and no dairy (with the exception of butter, because cutting that out was a MAJOR fail). I will also be detailing ALL my cheats here for accountability's sake. I figured out that when I stopped logging my food I started making more bad decisions because no one had to know about them. Alcohol COUNTS AS A CHEAT. that will be difficult. not like I am an alcoholic, but it's become more of a habit than I would like it to be.
2) Mental health - yoga and meditation every morning for at least 20 minutes yoga 5 minutes meditation. Time to get my head back on straight. I'm going to try to go for more yoga later in the day, but this is a way to at least get me going down that track again.
3) Exercise - walking every evening for at least a half hour after dinner. The past few days I've been walking with a friend at night, about 2 hours each night, and it's ridiculous how much better I sleep and how much less bloated I feel in the morning. Also, aim for more yoga and running a few times a week.
4) Sleep - get it. End of story.

I really like challenges that get to the heart o the matter. But I'll mention just one more time that I made similar lists so many times, and the diet part could never succeed long-term because of ... I just needed a big fat breakfast.

How was breakfast today?

Okay, I'll shut up now b/c I'm sounding like a broken record.

[AbigailLyn]

haha! No worries I always appreciate the advice and you seem to have quite a bit of experience with it! I will say that on the days when I eat a lighter breakfast it definitely leads more to binging, but lately they've been pretty big. Today was:

ground beef patty (somewhere between 1/4 and 1/3 lb) broken up with half an onions, a few kale leaves, and 3 eggs all done in roughly 1.5 tbsp butter. Also hot sauce. Kept me going for a while, and would've kept me going longer if I wasn't so set on having lunch at a specific time every day (it's the easiest time to take a break from the farm, and usually only puts about 4-5 hours between breakfast and lunch.

Thoughts? Is it enough protein? The eggs are a touch smaller than what I usually use, but it was a ginormous bowl and don't know how I could fit much more in.

Also - in re: to the emotional eating, the eating got worse as the emotions deteriorated. I had a horrible day monday, unrelated to food or anything primal, just related to biting off more than I could chew and disappointing everyone, and then having a crazy psychotic father who took it upon himself to yell at my boss. Whatever, created a lot of tension and headaches and stress and emotional upheaval. Turns out I'm not quite as adapted from Guatemala as I thought!

eating ice cream. despite being super heavily satisfied from beef stew. just one of those nights. accepting it!