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Thread: Kalli's Leptin Reset Experiment page 37

  1. #361
    kalli889's Avatar
    kalli889 is offline Senior Member
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    So, I weighed myself yesterday.

    First of all, let me explain. In mid-February I was sitting in a hammock by the beach in Costa Rica when I got a text from my sister-in-law that my brother had collapsed at work and had a brain tumor. I flew back and helped out with post-op (cooking, cleaning, running errands, etc.) My brother and sister-in-law had a meal train set up for a month and a half, so dinner was dropped off to us. My sister-in-law is celiac, so people were very nice and they brought us A LOT OF GLUTEN-FREE CHOCOLATE THINGS.

    I was wearing a size 12 jeans when I got here. I am now a size 14. I was 166 lbs on December 19th, having lost 3 lbs in 3 days after quitting my job. (See? Stress affects your weight!)

    I stepped on the scale today and I am 184 lbs.

    One hundred. Eighty four.

    I think I need to go back and re-read my own blog, because I am wayyyy fat-shaming myself now. An old high school friend just asked for my address to send me an invitation to her baby shower, and I was like, "I can't go! Her other best friend hates me! And I'm fat! And I haven't done anything for months but cancer care and I have nothing to talk to about cancer and how uncomfortable I feel in my body!"

    Also, you country people. You think the city is scary? We think y'all are like Deliverance out in the country. My brother and SIL went up to Seattle for the weekdays for radiation and I'm alone in their house in the woods with the nicest (read: worst guard dog for being too nice) dog ever. Things that go bump in the night? I stayed up til 2am. I had the heebies so bad. I watched Tomb Raider, which, even though it's terrible, is awesome for portraying a kick-ass chick.

    Anyway. Tired. I made gluten-free cookies last night out of fear. I wanted to have all the lights on and to have an activity. So I made cookies.

    Have to get back on the saddle. Give me virtual hugs, people! I need 'em.
    My Leptin Reset Journey


    Current BF%: 35
    Goal BF%: 20-23

  2. #362
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    jenn26point2 is offline Senior Member
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    So... leave the lights on and go to sleep! Nothing wrong with that!

    How are things with your brother? Do they think he'll recover?
    Primal since March 5, 2012
    SW: 221 | CW: 182 | LPW: 166 | UGW: 140 (80 lbs loss)




  3. #363
    kalli889's Avatar
    kalli889 is offline Senior Member
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    Ha ha, I'm TOTALLY sleeping with the lights on.

    Incentive to get a German Shepherd or a Rottweiler. For Real.

    Really not hungry at all these days. Very weird. Then I'll get tired and cranky and realize I should eat.
    My Leptin Reset Journey


    Current BF%: 35
    Goal BF%: 20-23

  4. #364
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    kalli889 is offline Senior Member
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    So, I decided to commit myself to 60 days of Bikram yoga. I found a good local studio, and I'll be here for just under 60 days. I did Bikram today and yesterday and afterwards I felt like a million bucks. I think my issues with Bikram before were probably a) I was undereating so I was exhausted from the workout, and b) the studio I went to sucked. Seriously, teachers make all the difference. I was reading Go Kaleo's blog and she was saying that the best workout is the one you want to do. I want to do hot yoga. So. There we are. And I am worth the $125 price tag. So.

    I was getting by just walking my brother's dog, but then I was aggravating my plantar fasciitis and I got a huge knot in my leg. So I was like, "I know! Twisting! And balancing! And stretching!'' So it actually feels really healing to do it. And I'm strengthening my back and core, and that will take stress off my feet and knees.

    ALSO! I got a Costco membership and I LOADED UP on (wild) salmon, avocadoes, kale salad packs, coconut oil, and...chicken sausages.

    I don't know how I even tried to eat all this protein pre-Costco. I made salmon, kale salad, and steamed broccoli last night for me and my brother and I felt AWESOME. This afternoon I felt amazing, but kind of sleepy and dreamy and I was like, "I don't feel hungry, but I probably need more protein." So I made some eggs and sausages and had those with avocadoes and sauerkraut, and again! I feel awesome. I do need to make a good dressing for this pre-made kale salad (there's also brussels sprouts and cabbage in it -- tougher greens that could use some curing with lemon juice). Otherwise I get rumblies in my tumblies from just eating raw cabbage and brussels sprouts. This pre-made salad is otherwise awesome. It has a pack of dried cranberries and pumpkin seeds to go on the salad. Sooooooo gooooooood. I want to eat all salad, all day. Especially after yoga. You know, someone was saying that after you get out of hot yoga, you don't go to McDonald's. You go get green drinks with your friends, which is totally true. As for running and other chronic cardio, sometimes I wouldn't do it unless I HAD eaten McDonald's and felt guilty about it.

    So. Positive choices.

    And BTW. I am eating ALL THE AVOCADOES. I need an avocado delivery service. For real.

    Also. I have 5 dozen eggs in my fridge. FIVE. DOZEN.

    AND! I got a 15-pack of Aidell's chicken sausage (no antibiotics!) for 15 dollars. THAT IS A DOLLAR A SAUSAGE MY FRIEND. Usually that shit is 6 or 7 dollars for 4. #winning

    I <3 Costco.
    My Leptin Reset Journey


    Current BF%: 35
    Goal BF%: 20-23

  5. #365
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    kalli889 is offline Senior Member
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    So, I just re-read my whole Leptin Reset blog. It was an awesome thing to reacquaint myself with. Waking up at 4am? Writing and doing yoga? Then doing my hair and makeup and going to work?

    Let me tell you what happened when I stopped posting:

    So I was doing this detox right?

    I went home for a wedding. I came back and discovered that we had hired a psychopath.

    And he sat right next to me. And I had to work with/for him.

    And then Hurricane Sandy happened.

    And so in three months, all I did was HANG. ON.

    I was so stressed out from just this one change, this one person, that my hair started falling out and I got a kidney stone. I cried every day at work. I cried at home.

    Have you ever got a bad feeling from someone? This person gave everyone around him a bad feeling. People started joking that they wished they weren't there the day he shot up the place. I started locking my desk because I'd come back from lunch and my drawers would be open and my things would be moved.

    I was so worried, because that was my livelihood, you know? What do you do if you don't do this job that pays you enough money to (sometimes) eat well?

    Then [the psychopath] started doing shit at work where lawyers could be involved, so lawyers were involved, and he got a slap on the wrist and was moved seats, but I still had to work with/for him, and then things got worse for me, emotionally. Because people started being nicer to me. Like, the CEO started coming over and saying good morning to me. And it was like, legally, they did what they could do, because although he crossed the line, it was only 5 inches instead of a foot. I could have sued. My lawyers wanted me to sue. In the end I didn't because, A) my hair was already falling out and I was so, so tired and B) I didn't have a problem with 30 out of 31 people at work. I loved 30 out of 31 people at work. I didn't want to have a problem with them. They were more important to me than the (possible) pile of money that my lawyers were so desperately eager to have.

    But anyway, so this 31st person creeped me out so badly that when the Newtown Massacre happened, and the cluster of mass shootings that happened around it, that was it. I was done. The only person I could rely on to keep me safe at work was me, so I resigned. I was done negotiating with higher ups. To be fair, the partners and the COO and HR were all really great about it, considering. I still got my year end bonus, even though I left early. The partners offered to help me get another job. They got a car service to take me home on my last day. It ended as well as it could have.

    I took a road trip across the country, dropped my stuff off in Los Angeles, went to Costa Rica for an indefinite period of time...and then ended up in Washington State, with my brother and my sister-in-law, in the war against brain cancer.

    Reading back over my blog has made me realize everything I've gone through in the past year. And I'm so grateful.

    I'm grateful to be here with my brother and my sister-in-law, and I'm grateful to be focused on health and wellness and family and loving, supportive relationships. Even if I did put on 18 lbs.

    Today I went to an Overeaters Anonymous meeting (I used to go in 2010), and it seems like a good tool to have in the world -- instant support, wherever you go. I get to choose my own eating plan, and they just get it. They're just supportive. Even if what I eat is 60% fat. (Today I had two avocadoes. I feel awesome!)

    So I feel happy, and optimistic. I feel excited about where my life is going, and how it is reflecting my values 1000x more than it did last year. And if I have to re-lose weight again, so be it. I went through some shit in the past 6 months. First I was afraid of dying, then we were afraid of my brother dying. At least I know that with Primal/PB living I can drop weight like magic, and be in a size 4 shirt again in no time.

    BOYAKASHA.

    It's good to be back.
    Last edited by kalli889; 05-12-2013 at 11:46 PM.
    My Leptin Reset Journey


    Current BF%: 35
    Goal BF%: 20-23

  6. #366
    jenn26point2's Avatar
    jenn26point2 is offline Senior Member
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    Wow, that's some crazy stuff! So glad you're safe now and out of that environment! I'm really surprised your bosses couldn't fire him for creating a hostile work environment. Is MA a "right to work state"? Iowa is. They can fire you for any ready they want, but you're also free to leave whenever you want, for whatever reason. No ties, basically. It's not cool to be fired for whatever reason, b/c some reasons can be really stupid, but essentially what it means is that there are no contract ties to bind them to you or you to them. Here, they could have fired him for making you uncomfortable/feel unsafe.

    Anyhow, I'm glad you're safe now and that you're getting back on track. Welcome back.
    Primal since March 5, 2012
    SW: 221 | CW: 182 | LPW: 166 | UGW: 140 (80 lbs loss)




  7. #367
    kalli889's Avatar
    kalli889 is offline Senior Member
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    I think we had it in our contracts that we could be fired/let go at any time for any reason AND all employees are put in 90 day probationary period anyway. So, yeah, hostile work environment. It was just a very strange thing.

    I think yes, you're technically correct, and I could have had that battle, but I decided not to. I decided to do something fun, like move to Los Angeles. At the end, I decided to value those relationships at work that were still good, over money. And I was very conflicted with working there anyway. I mean, really, what good was I doing in the world? Helping the superrich get richer? I learned a lot, and that was good, about finance and investing. But it ultimately was a just a day job.

    7 Behaviors to Stop Tolerating from Others
    My Leptin Reset Journey


    Current BF%: 35
    Goal BF%: 20-23

  8. #368
    jenn26point2's Avatar
    jenn26point2 is offline Senior Member
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    I understand not wanting to work to make someone else rich. I totally get that. I work for the Army, so my job benefits the soldiers. Much more rewarding.
    Primal since March 5, 2012
    SW: 221 | CW: 182 | LPW: 166 | UGW: 140 (80 lbs loss)




  9. #369
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    kalli889 is offline Senior Member
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    My lunch is AMAZING. It's the 7 antioxidant Kale salad mix from Costco. And I cut up a whole avocado and put that on top. And opened a tin of sardines in olive oil with lemon and put those on it with some mustard. Soooooo gooooood.

    Yesterday, after yoga and eating a lot of fat, I felt euphoric. Good and hopeful and excited about the world. I think I want to go back to eating a BAB so I can get the benefits of being warm all the time again. It is hella cold where I work. HELLA COLD.

    And my eyes are puffy when I wake up in the morning. Inflammation! I wonder where it's coming from. Experiment time again!

    Also! Detoxing!

    I detoxed another toxic "friend" the other day. I had this friend who would always tell me I was sexist against men whenever I would post something on FB about feminism and helping girls get education in the developing world and protecting them against predation and trafficking. So weird. So the other day I posted a cartoon with a "feminist fairy godmother" and the godmother gave Cinderalla a fulfilling job and a fat bank account so she could choose to marry if she so desired. This "friend" posted something saying that the cartoon was sexist. (He's a white male who went to several good schools.) My brother, who does anti-oppression work, countered him, and the guy wrote back in double speak. I remembered that this guy used to date a friend of mine who was anorexic and exercise bulimic, and she told me that when they would fight he would tell her that she was fat. I was like, "You know what? I'm sick of weirdos like this. When was the last time I saw this person in real life? 10 years? What does this person add to my life? Nothing? Nothing." So I blocked him.
    My Leptin Reset Journey


    Current BF%: 35
    Goal BF%: 20-23

  10. #370
    jenn26point2's Avatar
    jenn26point2 is offline Senior Member
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    Good for you! Toxic friends are not worth having!

    I'd like to be your friend on Facebook, if you'd be interested. Not sure what your facebook rules are regarding "virtual friends".
    Primal since March 5, 2012
    SW: 221 | CW: 182 | LPW: 166 | UGW: 140 (80 lbs loss)




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