Does My Journal Make Me Look Fat? No itís your fat that makes you look fat!
This is my very first entry so I apologize at the length. I just want you to get to know me & give you a timeline of my weight. I promise my other entries will be A LOT shorter & I will post my daily menu & maybe some recipes etc.
The title: I have strayed FAR away from asking this question over the years because I remember seeing some movie or show a long time ago where the wife asked the husband “Do these jeans make my ass look big? And I was caught off guard by the husband’s response saying “No, it’s your ass that makes your ass look big”……….WOW! That’s all I could say…….you just don’t say that kind of stuff….or do you? If you do, people get hurt…..However, if you don’t…….I guess you’re kind of enabling any overweight issues that are there?! I don’t know…needless to say, I just don’t ask because my husband has no real filters & honestly I’m NOT accepting of the response even though…..I know it’s true.
Early Years (High school): I never had a weight problem EVER! I thought I was fat, at 5’6 & 97lbs……I had curves….curves that most “girls” didn’t have. I wasn’t active in terms of exercise- One of my favorite memories is of my best friend and I getting a pizza one night, a large family sized pizza….back when a family size could actually fed a family- but the two of us girls sat down and ate THE WHOLE ENTIRE PIZZA!....Back then- I never thought in a million years I could put on the pounds.
Life is a Party (Early 20’s): Still no weight problem. I’m sorry I’m going to be vane here…..but I had it all. I had the looks; I had the body, a good job and was SINGLE! I would go out with my friends to the bars a few times every week just to be in the social scene, not necessarily to drink. And then it happened….I met a guy. We were together for 6 years. Nothing happened, weight wise in those 6 years, in fact- I think this was when I went through 2 phases in my life. My mom had passed away, and I just stopped eating- or if I did….all I would eat was cheese & cottage cheese and meat….or what is known as Atkins. I was soooo skinny and not real healthy looking at all…I weighed about 110. Then I decided I wanted to apply for a job as a police officer. So, I trained…I would bike & even run with steal toe boots…this was HUGE for me because I was never one to exercise. Now, in between all of this, I was trying to get pregnant, but was unable to do to POD……..My boyfriend and I were not getting along- & we decided to cut ties. I’m still not sure why I did it- but I told him to make sure things are cut and dry, I’m taking a pregnancy test…..Oh they were cut and dry alright…it came back positive! In fact I had to take 3 tests b/c I was in such disbelief. My ex and I still split up…it was inevitable.
Late 20’s & Pregnant: This is where the fatness begins….at the end. I was doing well the first 6 months. I put on healthy weight. I was turned on by weird cravings while other stuff made me absolutely sick. Then around the 6 mo mark, I knew I had a problem when I was at my exes parents’ house for dinner & there was 1 cheeseburger left and I ended up eating it instead of my exes dad. Needless to say- by the end of my pregnancy I had gained 80 lbs…..I was horrified.
Life after baby: I was losing all the baby fat, again from exercising….I was just so busy with work, baby, work, baby, and maybe a little mom & son playtime at the beach etc. I ended up dropping down to about 136…which was actually a healthy weight for my height….but wanted to be smaller & this was a struggle for me. I tried to whole finger down the throat & ipecac….dear gawd I REALLY don’t know how people can do that on a regular basis. So, I was accepting of my new weight & that is that.
30’s: I met my husband Dan and became pregnant…with TWINS! Again, I was in disbelief.
My whole pregnancy I was wearing my regular clothes. I bought a couple maternity outfits just because I thought they were cute. But I was proud of the fact I was putting on healthy weight, but I was all belly. & after the girls were born, I dropped down to around 150- so all I need to do was work out a little & I would have been golden! I decided to get the birth control shot “just because”……Well…that “just because” was the worst mistake of my life. Within a month I gained almost 30 lbs. My doctor said that I was experiencing a side effect that is like a 50/50 raffle. It happens to some….but not all. This was NOT a raffle I wanted to win. I had gained another 10 lbs the following month and now depression is setting in. My doctor had put on prescription diet pills, which I dropped a couple pounds here and there, but after a week being on them they would stop working. I’m a stay at home mom, I’m stressed…….now I’m eating to ease the stress. I attempted going to Curves, well while running in place- ended up breaking my ankle- same thing happened almost 1 year to date. So 2 years ago, decided I would go to a regular gym & do regular workouts, swimming etc. I was going with my best friend & we were committed. I really can’t say if I lost or how much- but the important thing was- I wasn’t gaining. We left the gym one night & I stepped on uneven pavement. My right ankle buckled, which then made my left one buckle & I hit the ground….hard. I got up; I could walk- knew I had a sprain, but after a couple weeks- knew something wasn’t right when I was still hurting. Come to find out, I had broken my right ankle for the 3rd time, and ripped my tendons in my left ankle. Now, I’m screwed! It took a year for me to go through surgery for both ankles; the last one was 8 months ago on my left ankle redoing my tendons. My ankles feel good for the most part, however, to just get out and walk or exercise is physically impossible now. If I stand too long my ankles just ache, swell or both. I went to the doctor last week because of the pain (which nothing else can be done), I got on the scale and weighed in at 216. I am at my biggest…. If I could get the surgery- I would in a heartbeat, but unfortunately I don’t have health insurance. I stumbled across this site looking for diet apps for my phone & when looking into it decided this is a diet I can do…I think…..I hope. I grew up as a meat eater, and I’m not a sweets person at all…So there I have 2 things going for me. It is going to be a slight but not huge change for me; I just need to stick with it. I’m going to be 40 in 2 years and I DON’T want to be FAT! I’m embarrassed how I look…..how I feel & because of that, I have debated the past 2 days since I have found this site whether to post my stats or not, but I have looked at some of your profiles and told myself well if these guys can do it…so can I. So you know my weight, eventually I may post measurements…but all in time…baby steps!
Last edited by Veneicia; 04-17-2012 at 05:50 PM.
~♥ In reality,
the future is only a thought in our head.
And our actions make it the present~♥~