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Thread: Molasses and evidence that the universe hates me page

  1. #1
    Bananabonobo's Avatar
    Bananabonobo is offline Senior Member
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    Molasses and evidence that the universe hates me

    Primal Fuel
    So.

    Today, inspired by this forum, I thought I might invest in a little blackstrap molasses as an occasional sweetener treat. So I stopped in Holland & Barrett on my way through town and picked some up. And they gave me a nice recycled paper bag. Then I thought, I also meant to get some yogurt and coffee, so I stopped at Tesco as well. So I put those in the same bag and then went on walking back to my office.

    THEN, for the third time this week, it hailed on me. Then my bag broke and the bottom of my yogurt container shattered, but I quickly flipped it upside down so it wouldn't fall out! So then I gathered everything into my arms and continued on my way, thanking my lucky stars the molasses jar hadn't broken.

    So five minutes later, I feel sticky.

    Then I realize I'm sticking to myself - jacket is getting stuck, sleeve is getting stuck to body, dress is feeling heavy...
    I look down and the whole 650ml of molasses has flopped down my jacket and into my clothing, and is now string-dripping onto my boots.

    At this point I'm pretty speechless, until some motorist sees me, stops, and gives me some plastic bags. He was quite bemused by the state of me. So I went back to my office, put on a lab coat to try and save my car, and proceeded to track molasses all over my lab building. So now I have to drive home in 650ml of molasses, no shoes, no tights, a goopy dress, a lab coat that is protecting nothing, with molasses smeared all over my thighs (and face at this point), and...

    Now I have to cope with stain remover.

  2. #2
    ChocoTaco369's Avatar
    ChocoTaco369 is offline Senior Member
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    You must be a blast at parties. Shiiiit shooowwwww
    Don't put your trust in anyone on this forum, including me. You are the key to your own success.

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    DarthFriendly's Avatar
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  4. #4
    Bananabonobo's Avatar
    Bananabonobo is offline Senior Member
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    wow, cool!
    i was told i smelt nice... like a cake.

    but now i have no yogurt OR molasses... and i could be eating them both right now, together

    In a further epilogue, I just finished washing molasses off of my other groceries, including a bag of Tiana coconut flour. At which point I managed to stab myself with bits of glass embedded in the molasses.

    Complete shit show.

  5. #5
    activia's Avatar
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    That was one of the funniest stories I've read in awhile!

    So sorry for your pain.
    Primal since March 2011

    Female/29 years old/5' 1"/130ish lbs

  6. #6
    @lex's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by DarthFriendly View Post
    +1 for such an obscure reference. I remember seeing a special about this on the history channel after smoking copious amounts of marijuana. It blew my mind.
    Believe nothing, no matter where you read it, or who has said it, no matter if I have said it, unless it agrees with your own reason and your own experience.

    In the mind of the beginner, there are many possibilities; in the mind of the expert, there are few.


    I've shaken hands with a raccoon and lived to tell the tale

    SW: 220- 225 pounds at the beginning of January
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    Goals for 2012: Lose a bit more fat and start a serious muscle and strength routine

  7. #7
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    I am so sorry that this actually happened to you!

    But it made me laugh out loud in my quiet little office so thank you for that!!

    Usually, the only person that makes me laugh that hard is myself!!

    Jamie


  8. #8
    JennaRose's Avatar
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    shouldve bought butter

  9. #9
    Bananabonobo's Avatar
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    oh fuck, you're right! i'm ALSO out of butter and i forgot to buy it! now i have no butter, no yogurt AND no molasses! BALL SACK

  10. #10
    ChocoTaco369's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bananabonobo View Post
    oh fuck, you're right! i'm ALSO out of butter and i forgot to buy it! now i have no butter, no yogurt AND no molasses! BALL SACK
    Out of ballsack, too? No butter, yogurt, sugar OR sex? At that point I would have walked out into traffic.
    Don't put your trust in anyone on this forum, including me. You are the key to your own success.

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