Primal Journal - Siobhan page 16

[Siobhan]

I always try to see things from the other side, and the truth is that I think he is just lonely. Having a family around you doesn't mean you aren't lonely. I'm also willing to give him the benefit of the doubt and not assume he just a skirt-chasing adulterous creep. He doesn't seem to have any friends and if he has hobbies it isn't apparent. He has devoted himself to his kids, they are growing up now and not so excited to spend time with dear old dad, and he has grown apart from his wife. Very typical. But he is harmless.

Also, this may sound a bit weird, but men generally respond really well to my kitchen. The main door of my house opens into the kitchen (wasn't built that way to start, but has ended up that way). My kitchen has pegboard walls with pans and things hanging all over, plants on the counters and in the windows, a nice window seat, colorful pottery all over. Not even remotely upscale, very homey and old-fashioned. Definitely a place to enjoy a beer or a coffee or have a blether while cooking up something. I don't really know how to explain it other than whenever men come in my kitchen (friends, delivery men, repairmen, etc.) they do a double-take and say, "Oh. This is nice. I like it!" Women, on the other hand, don't bat an eye. Maybe my kitchen looks like a combination kitchen-garage?

[Judg]

So much the better if he is harmless. Still, we have to be very careful with harmless lonely men. We can build up quite an emotional attachment to them without ever meaning to. (Not trying to tell you what to do. I kind of like musing out loud.)

It does sound like your kitchen is a cheerful, welcoming place. Pictures? Oh right, no camera. Never mind. Cozy doesn't seem to be in style right now, and I think women are more swayed by home makeover shows and designer rooms. Maybe that's why they don't say anything. (Just talking through my hat. Again.)

[Airmed]

Hi Siobhan,

I've been enjoying your journal. So much of what you've written resonated. Thanks especially for the "nekkid in the rain" post. I think those urges are signs of your Goddess waking up. Years ago I got to do that on Mt. Desert Isle (when I was a lot younger). I camped alone for an entire summer in the park, thriving on blueberries, dried milk, and the kindness of strangers. I will never forget my shower in the rain. A true goddess moment.

And I'll bet you're right about the landlord probably not having ulterior motives. Maybe he's just drawn to your goddess vibe and doesn't know why he finds himself wandering towards your door. Not that it wouldn't hurt to establish your boundaries. Safety zones, especially at home, are important.

Sounds like you are getting very in tune with your body and your surroundings. A good thing to do when changes are coming, such as moving and menopause.

Have fun.

[Siobhan]

You know, I think you are right. I really haven't become comfortable with my female self until recently - I would say after 50. I'll be 53 in a few weeks. I spent so much time worrying about the stupid stuff we all worry about to some degree - I'm not pretty enough, thin enough, successful enough, enough enough! It has taken a bit of age to truly let that stuff go, even though I gave it a valiant effort in my youth, I couldn't quite get there. Now that I am well past the age when women in our society are considered desirable (not by everyone, though) I can honestly say that I don't really care. It all just is, and it is really okay. Also in my middle age I am really in tune with how powerful women are.

How lucky you were to be a summer goddess on Mt. Desert Island! You could write a book!

Steak and mushrooms for lunch with a couple handfuls of leafy greens.

[Siobhan]

I wish had given my journal some kind of swanky, clever name. Too late!

I discovered a fabulous dessert. Actually I didn't discover it, I read it somewhere, possibly someone's journal. Bit of almond butter, bit of honey, bit of coconut oil. Wave for just a few seconds to melt, mix it up well, and enjoy. Try not to make too many yummy sounds. Be sure to make only a tiny bit as it is very rich and you can't eat too much of it.

Also consumed an apple.

[Judg]

Yes, I followed the instructions too for naming my journal. Mark has no creative soul... LOL!

Fortunately I am too stuffed to give in to your temptations, temptress!

[Siobhan]

Nothing to report this AM! Very dull here. (Dull is good.) Slept well, not hungry. Yoga now.

[Judg]

Boring is under-rated, as my husband often says.

[Siobhan]

So true, so true!

Did an hour of pretty vigorous yoga. This diet has totally reinvigorated my yoga practice as the aches and pains that were preventing me from doing much of anything have disappeared. Lower back fine, wrists fine, feet fine, and as I said earlier, I am experiencing a noticeable increase in flexibility. Now I just have to get strong!

I'm paleo so far today - 1 egg fried in coconut oil, 2 natural uncured hot dogs, 1/3 cup of avocado. Put a splash of coconut milk in my tea. I inadvertently fasted for 14 hours since I didn't feel like eating, and did the yoga at the end of the fast. It was quite easy but I don't want to rush into doing this yet. It happened naturally and I don't want to put a lot of expectations on myself at this point.

I defrosted a turkey that someone gave me (quite a project) and it is in the oven right now.

I just finished Gary Taubes' book Why We Get Fat and What to do about it. What an eye-opener! I'll need to read it again to really absorb it as there is a lot of information there. Fascinating stuff. I also read Loren Cordain's The Paleo Diet, which I strongly recommend. To be honest, I can't imagine being strict paleo, but as an idealist baseline I plan to refer to it regularly. The principles are there, and he provides some great recipes.

This is my last day off - back to work tomorrow night. (It's about time, you say?) Enjoying hanging out with the cats - a constant source of entertainment, and the goats, also reliable entertainers. Have to go do some errands.

[Siobhan]

Walked around for two hours. Walked by a doughnut bakery and didn't even flinch. Only stopped to purchase a silver necklace and a used book. (I have to have some fun.) Came home and the turkey was done. Trying to decide if my turkey samples add up to a meal. Or if I should just go ahead and eat some more and make sure it's a meal.

Made a wonderful discovery - only three weeks ago I looked for Mark's books as well as Loren Cordain's at the library and none were listed. Checked again today, and several libraries now have a good assortment of their titles, all marked NEW. I requested everything I could find. They are all checked out (!) so it will be a little while, but that's okay. Maybe we do have a primal community here in Maine.

Enjoying a kombucha - addictive stuff.