Primal Journal - Siobhan page 154

[Pedidoc]

Once again I slept like a log. Since I moved here, I don't sleep so well during the day but I sleep wonderfully during the night. So it's all good four nights a week when I'm not working and difficult the three days of work sleep. I must figure this out. It's not noisy during the day now that the brush clearing and firewood chopping is over.
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Maybe it's too light with the skylight?

[Siobhan]

It is very light during the day - this place is wonderfully open and light. I have been using a sleep mask but maybe it is just not doing the job. I don't know what is waking me up - I just seem to sleep for four hours (during the day) and then wake up - wide awake. I would like to get at least 6 hours, which seems to be the best one can do when working nights/sleeping days. I definitely need a better ready-for-sleep routine for when I come home in the morning - currently it is get home, do chores madly for 45 minutes or so, and then read for a bit and put on the mask and sleep. I'm really tired but definitely not relaxed.

[Pedidoc]

Maybe a warm bath with lavender? Can you put a removable blackout shade over skylight? Blackout curtains on windows? Do chores before going to work, get home, light snack, warm bath while reading, and then bed....... When I worked nights there were occasional mornings (usually after hellish nights) that it took a glass of wine or a Benadryl to help me wind down.

[Siobhan]

Yeah, I need to do some combination of all of that stuff! Funny how we make time for chores and that kind of thing but not for relaxing!

Big score at the thrift shop. Pair of Wrangler jeans, fit perfectly, very up-to-date style. Size 6 (gulp). Pair of Ralph Lauren cords, a very cool paisley print, subdued colors, perfect fit, also size 6. Still has tags! Three white Crate & Barrel plates to go under plants. For these items I paid $7.50 total.

Although I would theoretically like the number on the scale to be lower, I actually have achieved my goal. I wear size 6 or 8 and I feel I look pretty good in clothes. I fit into my swimming suits and have fun wearing different ones that I never dreamed I would be able to get my big toe into. Weird.

The pork chops were actually not very good. Kind of tasteless to be honest, despite being brined and seasoned. I only ate one last night (not being delicate here, one was enough) and I just ate the second one in a bowl of really good beef broth with carrots that I made last week with some beef shanks. Really not interested in food the last couple of days. Just busy with other things. When I get hungry I get stuff out of the refrigerator and heat it up. Glad I have some stuff already made.

Got loads of errands done this morning. One thing I did was write three condolence notes to three friends who have recently lost loved ones. Powered through a mountain of paperwork. Called insurance company. Swam. (That's not an errand) Took stuff to thrift shop. Went to Radio Shack for electrical do-dad that I have needed for ages. (Of course they were out of stock.)

[tomi]

Listen to you --- busy busy busy! Wonderful things happening -- and GOAL!!! REACHED!!!! That is so awesome! I hope you know you are also on my list of "inspiring" people. Reading how this WOE and living has changed your life and size its what keeps so many of us on the path as well.

Yeah! for you! and we're all right behind you!

[Siobhan]

I recently listened to one of Mark's interviews and he mentioned that when a person loses weight relatively and quickly easily after cutting grains, that signals a metabolic problem. So I guess I am 'lucky' that seems to be the case with me. When I think where I was a few months ago and where I am now...I want everyone to be there with me! So I guess I want everyone to be gluten-intolerant?!?!? And get headaches from sugar!

I wish you could all be here and see this spectacular sunset. It is really, really gorgeous. Just another day in paradise.

[Siobhan]

The Empowerment of the Swimming Suit

One of the positive things about swimming and about being primal is that I have become comfortable appearing in public (well, at the pool) in a suit. Now let me make this clear - I do not look good in a swimming suit. I have never had a bathing suit body, not even when I was 22, much firmer, and weighed maybe 105 lbs. So it's not about looking good. It's about feeling good. About feeling okay with how I look, even though it isn't anything like the societal standard. This was really obvious to me today when I saw two friends at the pool. They got out of the water, dashed to the towel rack and wrapped themselves entirely. And this was not because they were cold. They were all shy about the appearance of their thighs. I got over that several weeks ago. I just walk around. I fearlessly walk up to the 19-year-old male lifeguards (twins) and ask how their mother is doing (she was in the hospital) and we talk just like normal people. I walk around the locker room in whatever state I happen to be in. I really don't care. We've all got bare bodies under our clothes. It is marvelously freeing to just not care.

[Siobhan]

Ate dinner tonight, a normal thing, salad greens, bacon, avocado, blue cheese, olive oil, vinegar. Apple for dessert. It was so weird to not think about losing weight. Is this how it is going to be from now on? I'll just eat primal and I won't be fat and my clothes will fit and I'll feel good? It is hard to believe that the battle is over. The battle that started when I was 14 or so and waxed and waned and had occasional cease-fires but never actually ended...until now...I guess? Can't really grasp that. For one thing, no matter how thin I have been as an adult, I always secretly wanted to be thinner. I can't even grasp that I can just keep doing what I've been doing, and enjoying immensely, and be healthy and happy and a size 6 or 8. Too weird.

[Judg]

It does sound great indeed. I am quite comfortable running around at the beach in my bathing suit now too, although it is one of those swim skirt things. It remains to be seen if I will ever feel comfortable in a "normal" bathing suit. But I'm good with swim skirts. There are worse fates in life.

Size 6 eh? *high five* I am aiming for getting comfortably into a size 8. Not very far from that, although of course it will depend on the brands. To consistently fit into smalls would be, well, practical. Right now I'm more or less between sizes, with mediums and 10s on the big side, and smalls and 8s on the small side. (Although a lot of small tops fit well, but not all.) I have been concentrating on losing weight for so long, it is a weird thing to think it is winding down. Not finished for sure, but close. I wonder where I will end up exactly.

[Siobhan]

I know I should post this on her journal and not mine, but where is Pam?