Primal Journal - Siobhan page 152

[Judg]

I have a pool fairly near by but I've been reluctant to commit to a regular program still. I should try to go occasionally and see how it works out. When I was working at a college a number of years back, I would go swimming regularly and I found that it can indeed be hard on arthritic hands. I would have to switch to a paddle board for a couple of laps to give my hands some relief. My fatigue was reaching critical mass at the time (why I eventually had to quit) and I had to stop swimming if I was going to have enough energy to teach. But I do love water, and swimming, so that would be a good thing to add to the mix.

[Mamaoftwins]

Okay I have to chime in on your photo. Hope that is Okay I just started reading your journal and skipped to the end here and read a few pages. I think you look great! Love the pants. Too cute You look like your from Cali. That's where I'm from too. I also have always felt like the fat girl even now. I'm 150 5'4" and I feel like I'm the tubby in the room. Maybe it's because we live so near to Hollywood and their skinny standards? Ha. I think you look like your in your 40's.
I'm typing this on my cell phone. Gesh. Spellcheck is rough. I keep hitting the wrong button and spellcheck puts something wonky instead lol

[Siobhan]

Thank you, Mama! I love those plaid pants. LL Bean Signature! Great stuff but pricey, got to shop the outlet. And today I am wearing my dinosaur pants at work, which are also big attention-getters.

Isn't it funny how we judge ourselves? When I'm obsessing over my appearance, I should be thanking the universe that I have lived 53 healthy years and still have all my limbs, eyes, ears, etc.

I gave up on the potatoes yesterday because I had bloating and discomfort that were just not manageable. Today I cooked up a skilletful of sausage and cabbage, a great favorite of mine. I got four good servings out of it, two of which I brought to work. Just ate one, the other will be for breakfast.

I have gotten much, much better at not wasting food. For one thing, I can judge my intake much more accurately and I have quite a few go-to meals so I'm not making expensive mistakes.

[Siobhan]

I have a pool fairly near by but I've been reluctant to commit to a regular program still. I should try to go occasionally and see how it works out. When I was working at a college a number of years back, I would go swimming regularly and I found that it can indeed be hard on arthritic hands. I would have to switch to a paddle board for a couple of laps to give my hands some relief. My fatigue was reaching critical mass at the time (why I eventually had to quit) and I had to stop swimming if I was going to have enough energy to teach. But I do love water, and swimming, so that would be a good thing to add to the mix.

You might think about walking in the pool. That mixes things up a little. I often do that; I like to look around at all the activity. I've seen people wearing thin mitten-like things while swimming, is that for arthritis?

[Greensprout]

I love the new car . You must be feeling awesome zipping around in it, not to mention the peace of mind of reliability. And hotness too!!

And you look fabulous in your photo, not fat, nor pleasantly plump, nor skinny frail, nor old. Vibrant, self assured, stylish and very lovely. A great pairing with the red Dodge.

[Siobhan]

I guess it's kind of weird and shallow, but the new car has seriously boosted my self esteem. I knew that driving an old junker was bringing me down, but kept telling myself stuff like that doesn't matter...yeah it does. Driving a car with a dent in the side and pieces falling off and making scary noises was just not good for how I feel about myself. And the extent to which it was affecting my behavior was unacceptable, i.e. stress about doing errands, questioning whether I would get to or from work, being unable to plan even short road trips...wow. I really let that get out of hand. Glad that's over!

[Sabine]

Very interesting notion about how our transport (or anything else, really) can affect our image of ourselves, causing us stress, and keeping us from doing things.

One of the things we want to do when we get back on top of our bills, is trade in our vehicle (a big luxury van that my father-in-law gave us) for something smaller, more fuel-efficient, and in good repair. I'm wondering about the many ways this will impact our practical lives, but also how we might think differently about ourselves.

One of the fun things about the van, is that all of our kids' friends call it 'the party bus'. We like being the kind of people who drive a party bus. One of the not so fun is that it is an obviously expensive(though now old) vehicle, and I always feel like I need to apologize for it, and make sure to mention that my father-in-law GAVE it to us (see above!) because I would feel guilty about ever spending so much on a vehicle.

[Judg]

You might think about walking in the pool. That mixes things up a little. I often do that; I like to look around at all the activity. I've seen people wearing thin mitten-like things while swimming, is that for arthritis?

I have no idea.

Sabine, there are enough things in life we ought to feel guilty about, and often don't, to start adding unnecessary things that shouldn't be incurring guilt. Chances are half the people you are apologizing to would prefer to think you bought it yourself anyway. And FWIW the new base models are pretty much what luxury ones were a few years ago anyway. Do what is good and right the best you know how and don't worry about what anybody thinks. You don't answer to them. And no matter what you do, somebody disapproves anyway. Ignore everybody but the wise and the loving.

[Siobhan]

Having just got the new car, I can honestly say I was astounded at features that come standard and are taken for granted. When I bought my Nissan Maxima 15 years ago, it was (and is) the top-of-the-line Nissan and was quite a step up for me. I had never had a 'luxury sedan.' Today every single feature is dramatically better. The paint is much more durable, does not scratch easily, and doesn't really need to be washed - pretty much just rinsed off. (I will, however, wash it. It's in my DNA.) The radio, the seats, the tires, the brakes - all are 4 generations nicer than what I had. This car cost the same amount that the Maxima did 15 years ago, almost to the dollar. The engine is so much more sophisticated that I can't even start to compare it. This sporty, cheap little car is quieter and smoother than the 'luxury sedan' of 15 years ago. And while I don't like having to have car payments, the financing offered is so reasonable that it seems foolish not to use it. I financed it for 6 years, and the amount I will pay in interest is just over $1000 - that is spread over 6 years! Approximately $170 per year. I make more than that in my 401(k).

Okay, I know I'm being boring. But I felt much the same about my old car - I defined myself by it without realizing it. And it was not a positive thing. I didn't realize that either.

It was fun showing it to my co-workers this morning. Two women came in that I hadn't seen yet and they went into shrieks of delight the way women do (usually reserved for pregnancy announcements and engagements) and wanted to see it. The car was all alone, parked in the back by the lagoon. As we walked towards it, I hit the remote start and it went, "beep beep VROOOM!' That was cool. That was really cool. One of the ladies actually jumped up and down. Her son covets this particular car, he is 17 and wants one as only a 17-year-old boy can want a car. They are going to come over later and drive it a little bit. The road I live on goes in a circle, it is twisty and winding and has fantastic views of the ocean, so they are going to take it around.

Okay, okay, okay. I'm really going on too much here, but hey, this is a really exciting time for me.

[tomi]

I LOVE hearing your excitement over this new car! It shows how badly you really needed to make this change! Have fun with it! and NEVER EVER feel guilty!