You right, I am sure. Everything else is so good my job suffers by comparison. And a lot of it is in my head. It is my perception of not being treated fairly - of having to work more nights and weekends and holidays than anyone else - of having to deal the past couple of nights with an idiot that I don't normally deal with - that is fueling my unhappiness. In the huge scheme of things it is not that bad. I'm overreacting. But I don't want to invalidate my own feelings. It is how I feel, and I am giving myself permission to feel these things, which is painful. Another log on this fire is the cutbacks and financial problems at the hospital which have been publicized mightly for the past few weeks - announcements about no raises, employee give-backs, poor feedback from the community ("you people all make too much money"). This all leads to a giant pile of straws and we all know what happens to the poor camel. The fact that I have created a really great life outside of work - well, it doesn't make it worse, but it highlights the perceived misery. I really love it here, and I want to stay and I need that job - THAT job in particular. Because there aren't many jobs here, especially decent paying, benefit holding jobs. The next closest hospital is almost an hour away, and has laid off workers recently. So I should just suck it up and deal with it. But I'm not good at sucking it up. I have this inherent unshakeable belief that everything can be better. Which can lead to unhappiness and dissatisfaction.
Now, if I could be in some other field, that would be a different story. Thinking a lot about what else I might do.