Third Time's a Charm!
Just need this journal to clock in all of my primal foods for the day! This is an important journey that I have been putting off or setting aside in hopes that I won't have to do it, but I realized today that I WANT to do it, but the drama of angry jealous bitches seeing me get skinny is not something I want. But we all have something in our lives that makes this process difficult emotionally, as my beautiful and supportive friend Bikkie says to me "this is your time!" And I believe it. I am following a primal diet with no dairy as I'm lactose intolerant, and low carbs because I have PCOS, as well as good fat supplementing and no coffee because I want radiant skin! It is my time.
Today's intake (not primal entirely, but I want to start documenting things anyway):
1 banana and i grapefruit with half of a passionfruit
1 coconut milk dandelion chai with vanilla stevia
1 coffee with cream
nibbles of pizza crust from last night and 2 spoonfuls of fried rice
OK So today was probably the roughest day all year. I take that back; today was DEFINITELY the roughest day of the year. It is Good Friday and as such people are off of wor,k, except me because i'm a lowly hospo worker. We were under-staffed with the bitch head mistress French twat from HELL as our manager, and there were so many times in this day I wanted to throw the f-ing milk jug and just scream NO MORE!!!!!!!!!!!! Almost a 12 hour day of this shite, you'd think that would be enough. But no, on top of that the recruiter I want to use for the EPIK program in Korea was scheduled to call me at 7:30 my time, which meant that since buses don't run properly on Good Friday (at least the bus drivers get some time off) I had to cycle. I was exhausted when I got home, but made some coffee and syked myself out for my phone interview only to be snubbed for 10 minutes. I decided to check my e-mails and lo and behold the recruiter couldn't call me for some reason, and had left for the day...nay, the WEEKEND. Now I am unsure about my Korean future which I really just wanted to get frikkin OVER WITH tonight and I am way too exhausted to work tomorrow which will more than likely be the clusterf*ck that today was. So so so so so over my life right now. GRIPE Finished!
On to the positive aspects of today, of which there were a few and all of them involved my goals to be primal and care for myself. I encouraged myself many times today not to stress and to breathe properly, and I was successful. Although I had some dairy and 1 1/2 diet cokes, I feel I did my genuine best effort, and I am really proud of myself. Although cycling was a biatch, it means that I had a good HOUR of hard exercise among the 12 hours of hard exercise I performed at work! Skinny QuirkyMinx is comin' for you baby!
1 banana, 1 grapefruit and 1/2 passionfruit with a coffee and cream
Chicken salad bought from work (green salad with chicken breast, avocado, cantaloupe and spring onions) with homemade Caesar dressing and a dollop of fresh pesto to add some fat. Had a green jasmine tea with this
1 diet coke
1/2 diet coke upon closing up, didn't finish it all and will put in my bad for tomorrow
Meatballs and frozen green veggies with a T of coconut oil, heated in the microwave and chowed down
1 banana, 1 nectarine and 1/2 passionfruit with a coffee and cream before my 'interview'
So, I am so freakin proud of myself!! I'm glad I'm keeping this journal because I have cried several times today and I have pushed myself so hard not only about food but about my attitude and perspective on life. IT is a huge boon for me to see this all laid out, and funnily enough before I bought my chicken salad from work today The German (co-worker) laid out a gluten-free orange cake slice for me to have for free....but I told him I was dieting, so no thanks! Could'nt believe I had the willpower to do that, but knowing I was keeping myself accountable through this journal and FB really helped me say no. AWESOME finish!
BTW If anyone is going to get snarky about my run-on sentences and inaccurate grammar whilst I am applying for EPIK, please think twice about that. I realize what I am doing and I am not changing it because I want this to be a comfortable journal for me. Chur Bro!
Today was rough again. Work was ok but I realized that yesterday really traumatized me for some reason, that's something to look into.I just felt so out of control and when I was trying to gain control I felt like The Frenchie was taking mental notes to tell our boss about how I can't keep up and this and that. People in this environment are so judgemental, all people are freakin judgemental! I don't want to be like that I realize, so that is something big to work on in my own life because I do get really judgy, especially with my flatmates. I didn't stick to primal today, but I also don't feel like I spiraled out of control, I just don't know how to not 'need' food like I always have. I can't believe how introspective this journey is and it's only been two days: maybe I just over-analyze! So anyway, food
I woke up really hungry (or really stressed/traumatized?) and made coconut flour pancakes with loads of cream, 3 eggs, vanilla stevia and spices. I added some butter for the topping
1 black coffee w cream
chicken salad w/ caesar dressing and meatballs and veggies for lunch
2 diet cokes (leftover from yesterday, and another)
1 iced coffee w/ vanilla syrup and cream
2 friands and 1 chocolate chip almond cookie
3 chicken drums and roast veggies including potatoes
Yeah so today wasn't the greatest. But on advice from this forum I am going to keep eating loads of fat, not cut out too much food just now and generally keep my head up! I'm glad I'm here and I'm glad I have this journal to document how I feel throughout all of this. It is such a weird time in my life where I just feel completely helpless and at the will of everything in life except my own will. I need to figure this out. Anyway, had a nice night with my man and about to get a good nights sleep and very thankful for the little things! I'm gonna name some
The Kiwi Jo making a fun game today at work where we all changed our names to the male/female version.
Watched an interesting movie called 'Let the right one in'
My kitty was being super cute tonight
My man made himself a fruit salad which made me kinda proud!
Gonna get me some soon !
Woohoo what a week! I have been worn out since day one for whatever reason. Alright, Sunday was a bad day for it, i'll be honest. I didn't have breakfast so I bought a quiche at work. I had too much coffee and felt dehydrated all day, which makes me crave sugar so I had a diet coke and a grapefruit juice, a salad for lunch but added a chocolate thing, then I cycled home and had a nap and woke up so insanely blindly hungry that I ate a croissant and a pan au chocolat! Then we had Chinese for dinner with fried wontons and noodles. *sigh* So I decided to just take it slow with this thing and give myself time. No big 'don't's which I now feel permission to do as someone on the forum said that primal really needs to fit your lifestyle. So I just decided no carby things or 'sugary' cokes or cookies, just stevia sweetened coconut flour items. Also, no coffee. It has to be done! I'm still having green tea and maybe some black tea but no coffee is a great start for me because I am a total addict. I'm currently eating too much dairy and probably too much all-around, but I feel like it's a reasonable start. Yesterday:
coconut flour pancakes with extra butter, green tea
various mixed salads and some shrimp with homemade caesar dressing, green tea
salami and pickles, about 3 small slices
Salmon stirfry with peas, onions and cream cheese
gnawed on a block of parmesan cheese
cocoa with cream and stevia
coconut flour brownie, 2 slices
It was amazing, last night I felt truly FULL. Like, I know I ate heaps but I couldn't believe that I didn't even think about food after I had my cocoa and brownie. And I woke up not thinking about food! SEriously every morning for the past however long I have woken up with my only thoughts being about food, I have no idea why that is but it is kind of embarrassing. Today is my Friday and I am exhausted. I'm feeling being off of coffee for sure. Don't know if I should cycle today as the weather is poor and I am exhausted..but it might pick me up? I probably won't. I need to give myself permission to go slow!
OK! So far so good, I know you weren't expecting that you cheeky monkeys. I'm finding I'm indulging in a alot of dairy and a good bit of sweetener but the carbs are outskies; never to return! I'm feeling the carb-flu however and it is not pleasant. I just feel super tired, aching muscles, a bit cranky and craving junk food. I also feel like a big fat cow who doesn't want to go out and have fun because I am too focused on my flaws and bloatedness. I know this is counter-productive thinking and therefore I banish it!! I'm looking good actually, Not amazing but I am really blessed to have an hourglass figure that holds weight quite well. So I think I didn't write down yesterdays stuff:
peanut sauce chicken at thai place, no rice, diet coke
protein cookie and earl grey tea with sweetener and milk
chicken salad and protein cookie with peanut butter, diet coke and some parmesan cheese
cocoa with cream (I think?, don't remember)
coconut flour brownie, green tea with cream
bacon wrapped sausage and pepsi max and coconut flour carrot cake (man do I make a mean cream cheese icing!)
more green tea with cream and a lot of carrot cake (coconut flour kind)
So, it has been almost a week and I have some perceptions to add:
I crave dairy and sweets more than anything else
I run on caffeine!
I eat way too much, just generally
I really hate being noticed or the prospect of being noticed
I'm exhausted this week
My feet love being barefoot!
So, that last one has been being worked on for months now, but I wore some cute boots around town yesterday and my foot is still sore today. It so desperately wants to splay as it usually does because I only ever wear my softstar mocs at work. Love barefooting, very glad I made that commitment! On Sunday it will have been one week since I successfully began this journey. I don't necessarily feel better, but I do at the same time. I'm loving feeling more connected and centered with my life goals whereas before it was just so basic: sugar and caffeine were running my life. Hard to believe for some people, but probably not a lot of people on here. My goal for this coming week is to work out some more of my diet kinks (I'm going to take out the sweeteners, I know I'll be OK!) and get some exercise. I'll be happy if I cycle to and from work tomorrow and Sunday. So thats me because I'm wondering off into lala land and I really need a nap before I go to my gf's party tonight.
Phew! So I'm here again Things have been going...slowly! I have been eating sugar and carbs and coffee again and loving it: until I look into the mirror, or pull some muscle or have a sore back or whatever little niggly problem I encounter with my body everyday. I am experiencing some old fructose related issues as well, with loose tummy after eating and the like. I think the best thing is to go on a FODMAP diet, dairy-free and primal-ish. I need to get a plan sorted for myself because the rest of my life is really complicated, I just want to know what I have to do everyday and do it, and then when I have time to have fun with it I will add that in. I like the idea of slightly modifying BFL to suit a lower carb intake and just going with that. I will post more tomorrow!