Keep fighting.... You only lose the war when you quit the fight....It's been 6 months since I last wrote in this journal. Time has flown and so much has changed at the same time. I have good days and bad days and at the moment the bad far outnumber the good. I struggle big time with bingeing on food whilst my husband is out and on several occasions find myself devastated with how poor and weak my self control is. If he knew how much rubbish I eat and how I look forward to him going out so I can eat would terribly terrify him. It's awful I know. I think by writing this down I've kind of opened the gates to change. I'm going to make a plan to remove all the binge worthy food from the house but that isn't fair to hubby when he has none of the issues I have. I pretty much hate myself for the position I put myself in.
Since my last check-in 6 months ago I've definitely gained probably 2kg, which isn't much I know but definitely is visible. I have been exercising everyday- which I love so my eating is what significantly alters my success. I don't know what it is about food that makes me so addicted but I just struggle to stop eating. It tastes and looks and smells so good that I get terrible feelings of deprivation even though I eat amazing clean meals and am not hungry. I have the attitude of 'oh well' tomorrow is a new day' but that isn't good enough. I have to get tough with myself if I ever expect to be an example for my family.
I want to be thin, strong and athletic and not fat and sluggish.
I have the tools, the means and the support, now I just have to find the sticking power to stay the course.