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Thread: Fibromyalgia and Fat - Tomi's story page 535

  1. #5341
    marcadav's Avatar
    marcadav is offline Senior Member
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    Tomi, she may mature but the likelihood she reverts to back to her old ways around her parents is, IMO, high. I think they also need to mature and learn boundaries. They taught her how to treat them,(and you) as well as how to get her way.

  2. #5342
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    Yes, you're absolutely right on that. If she doesn't learn boundaries and figure out how to handle her emotions then the potential is always there. Her melt downs have always been about maintaining her control in our home. Now that she doesn't even have a bedroom here anymore I don't foresee any reason she would fall back into that old behavior. I can see that she might try to regain a "hold" somehow - like wanting to move a personal item back into our home. But that is absolutely not going to happen.

    I've never seen a child who so desperately needed control and power over her environment. She would absolutely insist that nothing be changed inside or outside. I think she has some OCD issues. The first explosion we had was even before we got married. Hubby's work truck was getting old, and it had an extended cab, but not a full backseat - so getting the 5 of us in it was very uncomfortable. So, we decided to buy a new truck. SD came unglued!!! She was 11 years old......... flat out telling us we were NOT getting a different truck. Well, we did it anyway of course but she fought us every step of the way. The next fight was over the shower. After her mom moved out oldest SD started showering in the master bathroom because it made it easier for the girls to get ready for school that way. When I moved in we told her she would have to go back to showering in the hall bathroom and would have to share with her sister. The mountain blew up again! You would have thought we were telling her she was going to have to shower outside with the hose! She yelled and cried and made a huge fuss! Next came painting of the walls. Then moving of furniture. Then taking down the hedge around the front yard --- and it continued. For 13 years. Hubby never could see that she had problems - he would just try to bandaid the issue and move forward. So - here she is 25 years old and still behaving in the same way she did when she was 11.

    I wonder what is going to happen when she finds a boyfriend? Her need to control her friends has made her lose every best friend she has ever had. I can't imagine her being able to hang on to a boyfriend. What happens the first time she has a melt down and cries uncontrollably in front of him?

    How very sad that her parents didn't take this seriously and get her some help when she was young. I tried to tell hubby there was need for counseling, but he wouldn't listen.

    I just hope she can work it out, figure it out, something so can have a happy, healthy life.
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    my motivation

    I'm doing this because I'm worth it - because I'm worthy - because I love myself.

    Goals: Healthy mind, healthy body, happy soul.

  3. #5343
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    valmason01 is online now Senior Member
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    Maybe a puppy would be a good thing for her? Something she has to be responsible for? poor thing...what hell it must be in her head.
    You know all those things you wanted to do: You should go do them.

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  4. #5344
    tomi's Avatar
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    Maybe a puppy would be good. But I don't think her apartment allows for one.

    I have often wondered what goes on her head that results in the very odd things that come out of her mouth. We have done but love her and attempt to give her guidance as she's grown up. Her mind is a mystery to me, and I have a degree in Psychology. She could give a good counselor a healthy workout.

    She's insecure for some reason. Maybe it all stems from the divorce? With the exception of the first 2 years she has treated me as 2nd class person. Often the only words she would say to me were "where's daddy?" and "when's dinner?" I have been treated like shit mostly. I wonder sometimes why I choose to love those girls at all! And trust me, it is a definite choice. Neither one gives a rats ass about me. I choose to love them because they are my husbands daughters - that is the only reason. Love is not a feeling........ its a choice. And sometimes, its by shear determination.

    Youngest SD has her mothers ability to quickly slam you down and put you into place with nothing more than a steely stare. But if she wants to she can give you quite the tongue lashing as well. When she was a little girl she would cry when she had to go to her moms every other week, because she said she was scared of her. What she doesn't realize is that she herself has taken on every trait that she was afraid of in her own mother. For the most part youngest and I have a good relationship now - but if I say something to piss her off, she isn't afraid to challenge me head on.

    Lets just say I have not been given the respect that a child should show an adult. Hubby is the KING OSTERICH! Something happens and he sticks his head firmly in the sand. He see's it -- He knows its happening -- but he won't confront it. I came very close to leaving him about 5 years ago. Had it not been for the skillful mind of a very good counselor, I would not be married to him today. Yes, he's my soulmate, he's the love of my life --- but he did not take care of me when I needed it the most. And yes, those difficult years have changed the way I look at him. I have lost a degree of respect, and my affection for him has suffered. If I had not found this counselor I wouldn't be living in this house right now. I didn't even give him the option to go to counseling with me. I made the appointment and said, "You will be there".

    I'm glad we made it through those troubled times. But, he's still struggling to get it right when it comes to being a father. He'd much rather play the role of doting, fun loving, daddy. Quite frankly --- my husband is the greatest DADDY in the world! But he sucks at being a father. He's getting better at it -- but at this point the damage is done. Take out the step daughter equation and he's the greatest husband in the world too. But when presented with choosing the role of husband or daddy............ daddy won out every single time.

    I'm praying the rest of our lives together is a cake walk compared to the last 13 years.
    Read post #2626
    my motivation

    I'm doing this because I'm worth it - because I'm worthy - because I love myself.

    Goals: Healthy mind, healthy body, happy soul.

  5. #5345
    tomi's Avatar
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    Hubby is home SD all moved into her new place. Now all I can hope for is a peaceful Christmas visit.

    Turned out hubby wasn't totally honest with me. Turns out Step Dad and 1/2 brother went along for the move. The girls didn't know step dad and 1/2 brother were coming and they were a bit pissed off about it. Step Dad apparently had a hissy fit about ex wife going on this trip with my hubby. So he insisted that he go too. SERIOUSLY DUDE??? She left hubby for you remember? What a pathetic excuse for a man. I had no issue with hubby going on this trip with ex wife. I wouldn't have cared if they rode together in the truck. But pathetic boy toy husband isn't as confident in his relationship as I am. Hubby didn't tell me step dad went on the trip cuz he didn't want me to be hurt or felt left out. REALLY? How well do you know me? I was only hurt that SD didn't want me to come. I don't give a rats ass that pathetic step dad forced his way into this moving event.
    '[

    Oh good grief............. my life is a freakin' soap opera!!!!

    How do I escape EX WIFE -- Boy Toy Husband - and Psycho step daughters????
    Read post #2626
    my motivation

    I'm doing this because I'm worth it - because I'm worthy - because I love myself.

    Goals: Healthy mind, healthy body, happy soul.

  6. #5346
    tomi's Avatar
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    weight is down today Yeah!
    Last edited by tomi; 08-18-2014 at 09:24 AM.
    Read post #2626
    my motivation

    I'm doing this because I'm worth it - because I'm worthy - because I love myself.

    Goals: Healthy mind, healthy body, happy soul.

  7. #5347
    tomi's Avatar
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    My apologies for crazy post. I deleted it. Sometimes I take my venting on MDA a bit too far.
    Read post #2626
    my motivation

    I'm doing this because I'm worth it - because I'm worthy - because I love myself.

    Goals: Healthy mind, healthy body, happy soul.

  8. #5348
    tomi's Avatar
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    Today I will walk on treadmill........... and do some arm work for strength.

    Nice side effect of the new gut meds. Increased libido. Hubby has been quite satisfied by this! As have I!
    Read post #2626
    my motivation

    I'm doing this because I'm worth it - because I'm worthy - because I love myself.

    Goals: Healthy mind, healthy body, happy soul.

  9. #5349
    canio6's Avatar
    canio6 Guest
    Quote Originally Posted by tomi View Post
    Hubby has been quite satisfied by this! As have I!
    boom chicka-waaaa-waaaa

  10. #5350
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    What an unexpected side effect! Awesome
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