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Thread: Fibromyalgia and Fat - Tomi's story page 37

  1. #361
    Judg's Avatar
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    FWIW, a couple of my own children have apologized to me, in tears, for what they put us through, and at least one more has made it clear that perspectives have changed... The other two were the relatively easy ones, LOL! It could still happen, you know.

    The prayer of St. Francis might be helpful here: Lord, make me a channel of your love... When my own love is insufficient for the demands, I ask God to make me a pipeline for his. After all, he has loved me so often when I didn't deserve it. It's okay to acknowledge that she doesn't deserve the good treatment she has gotten, but giving her what she deserves isn't going to accomplish much. Having said that, I quite understand that limiting contact is a wise thing. There are people I do that with too.

    And you might consider setting some boundaries with the parents of those kids. I know it's a very hard thing to do, but asking them ahead of time to control their kids so that hopefully you won't have to have your carpets professionally cleaned might be an idea. Then again, it might not... It certainly wouldn't hurt them to take responsibility for their kids. Or set them a small table in the kitchen or wherever and insist that they eat only there. Or something. This can be done sweetly. I find that when asking somebody something awkward like that, it works very well to start with "Could you do me a favour?" and smile a lot. People react badly to condemnation, but usually respond well to that. Depending on the age of the kids, you could even explain it to them, the problems it causes you when they spill their food on the carpet, so could they please eat here at the counter or the place of your choosing. My two-year-old grandson now happily replaces all the tight elastics I put on my cupboard and drawer knobs because I told him we had to protect his little brother. Before he just thought it was fun to take them off, but once he understood the reason, he started thinking it was fun to put on extras. Just to say that appealing directly to kids, even very young ones, can work wonderfully if they feel respected and complicit, instead of scolded.
    5'2", 55 years, Primal since April. Pre-Primal weight loss, from 216.6 to 157.8
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  2. #362
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    I can't imagine not having a relationship with my stepmom. There were times when she was more like my mother than my stepmother. I'm sorry things didn't turn out better for you and the stepdaughters. They sound positively rotten. They probably don't even realize how rotten they have treated you. Probably think they treat you like a queen and you treat them like crap. Kids like that tend to believe they are the victim, you know.

    I hope the weather makes for a nice outdoor party for you. And that stepdaughter can make an announcement at the party that turns it into a going away party!
    Primal since March 5, 2012
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  3. #363
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    I second what Judg says!
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  4. #364
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    oh gosh......... you read it! Sorry for the grumblings - but it does me good to write things out.

    The family has ALL tried to help the little ones understand they need to keep their food messes confined to one area - even put the kids back into their places repeated times. The little ones know that mom and dad don't care - and they also know they don't have to listen to anyone else. So, they will look you right in the eye, and do just what you have told them not to do. Like "don't take your food away from this table" They just don't listen. They are wonderfully loving kids who are always smiling and laughing and playing, and rarely being brats......... but when it comes to basic boundaries they have never been taught any. I have to wonder how they behave at school. The mom will tell them not to do something, but then won't enforce it, so they do it anyway. No boundaries. And, I love the parents - they are great people! They just are too permissive with the children. So, I will just hope for sunny weather and a patio party!

    Jenn - thanks for the wishes of the outcome! but, she hasn't even had a job interview, so chances of her saying she's moving are slim to none.

    Judg - I have always believed that treating others with love and respect was far more productive than treating them with what they truly deserve. Thats why I have been on my best behavior all these years with the step daughters. I'm just all out of give I think. I'm at that place of being indifferent about my relationship with them. Actually youngest step daughter is really growing up and she has been very pleasant to be around - even hugs me when she is leaving now. I can see her someday being able to see the error of her ways during her younger years - but not sure she would actually say anything about it. Older step daughter has always had to be "right" about everything and would argue tooth and nail to win any arguement or discussion. Its just a part of her personality to not admit to any wrong in any way. The really hurtful thing is that in the early years she and I were very close. She had a bad relationship with her mom and so I was the mother figure in her life. Somewhere around her 15th birthday things started to change. She was getting closer to her mom, and all kinds of nastiness was being sent my way. I became competition for daddys attention and love - she started behaving really childishly! At 21 she would throw a fit if I moved her laptop off the coffee table so I could clean the dust off. I remember her yelling during one confrontation: "SHE TOUCHES MY STUFF" ................ seriously? how old are you? a 6 year old says that kind of crap - not a 21 year old. It was at that point that I told my husband --- "take control of our home or I'm leaving" and I forced him to start seeing a counselor with me. We saw the counselor for a year, and spent LOTS of money just so he could figure out how to stand up to her and tell her her behavior was inappropriate and needed to change. And when he did, she left and hasn't been back. At one point I had to put a locking door knob on her room because she accused me of snooping through her stuff!

    Now, I'm working on getting him to ask them both to come and clean out their bedrooms. They haven't even spent one night here in 10 months, but they still both have lots of stuff in their rooms. He isn't quite ready to go there. Says as long as they are in college they are technically not in that "moved out" place. I said - "honey, when they come to town they sleep at their moms house, so why are we maintaining their rooms? We could use one of those rooms as a home office for the business and get a tax break" I'll just leave it alone for a bit and see what happens. He just isn't very good at facing facts.

    Its just one of those things that is going to have to work its way out. It might not be the way I would like --- with peace and reconciliation - but it will eventually be a thing of the past.

    Life gets messy sometimes.............. Brawny doesn't make a paper towel big enough for this mess though.
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  5. #365
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    Of course we read it!

    I was moved out of my mom's house for all of college (5 years) and then 2 more before she finally gave me the ultimatum of "Get your stuff out or I will pitch it". Of course, her deadline kept getting extended, but we knew that at one point she was going to actually do it, so we did eventually get the stuff we wanted to keep. It wasn't long after that they tore the house down to build a new house. I didn't save much... most of it was stupid stuff from high school, but I did salvage two blankets that I now use at the race track.

    Would it be possible for you to ask the girls to clean out their rooms? Tell them you want to put in a hot tub! lol
    Primal since March 5, 2012
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  6. #366
    tomi's Avatar
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    on to more positive thinking:

    here's my list of things that have changed since going primal:

    1. fibromyalgia symptoms are practically non-existant as long as I stay 100% with my diet.

    2. my skin is healthier looking

    3. my hair is stronger and softer

    4. I'm starting to notice my libido increasing (I'd say 4 times this week shows an improvement!!!) - and the doctor said my progesterone levels are up a bit.

    5. I have more energy and stamina

    6. my emotions are more stable and I have a brighter outlook

    7. I'm down 20 pounds

    8. I don't crave junk food

    9. I'm happy with the way I've stayed with this WOE -- no other diet change ever stuck

    10. I'm seeing my body shape changing.......... less tummy bulge - less double chin - less butt sag!


    There.......... thats my list!
    Last edited by tomi; 06-13-2012 at 01:08 PM.
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    my motivation

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  7. #367
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    I also noticed I have stuck to this much more easily than I have anything else in the past. Makes me really happy.
    Primal since March 5, 2012
    SW: 221 | CW: 182 | LPW: 166 | UGW: 140 (80 lbs loss)




  8. #368
    tomi's Avatar
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    Okay......... this just came to mind: FEEL GOOD vs. TASTE GOOD that seems to be the opposing arguments that I'm faced with when something "bad" is tempting me. And I have to decide if I want to FEEL GOOD for the long run.......... or do I want what is going to TASTE GOOD in the immediate?

    Seems like a no brainer right? Once in a while the taste good arguement wins out....... but then I have the negetive side effects to deal with. Grains and sugars cause fibro pain, weakness and bloating. But sometimes I decide to eat them regardless of the impending side effects. Why? Have I not learned well enough that avoiding things that will hurt me is always the right choice? Am I so weak that immediate gratification wins over well being and common sense?

    I need to ponder this for a while........... any thoughts?
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  9. #369
    tomi's Avatar
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    I'm having a can't seem to get motivated to do anything day......... so I'm sitting here reading all kinds of mindless drivel that people post on the forums....... like "do you have a forum crush?" seriously? Sounds like something Gadsie would start - not anyone post puberty. But the people contributing were mostly "adults". I have no interest in getting sucked into the nonsensical blabberings. But, its like a train wreck --- you just have to look. I guess I just don't get that side of this type of social media.

    Plus I'm just really bored and tired today. See - the result of bad food choices! I'm mentally foggy, physically weak and sleepy. Maybe I'll just go lay down and have a nice afternoon nap.
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  10. #370
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    June 14, 2012

    Feeling yucky today. My own fault. I let the cookie dough win the arguement for the 3rd day in a row yesterday. I went to bed feeling nauseous, bloated and terribly uncomfortable. Today, still nauseous, plus stiff and achy. Thats what grains and sugars do to me. Why don't I remember that when I'm thinking about putting that crap in my mouth?

    Well, at least its all gone now - I baked the rest of the dough and sent the cookies to work with hubby. He wasn't complaining. If he would get on board with me it would be so much easier to stay on course. But, I have certain weaknesses that I haven't been able to overcome yet - cookie dough and rum. How silly........ I can resist eating the cookie, but not the dough. Must be the texture or something. And I'm fine without rum as long as we don't have any in the house - but if its here... I want some. Weird. Maybe I need to start telling myself I don't like it --- mind games work for some things - why not this? I no longer order a drink when we eat dinner out, and I don't want to go get some if we don't have any in the house --- so I don't think I have an issue with alcohol. I just haven't found my resolve to say no period.

    Oh well --- both are gone now and I can focus on staying the course again. I'm not going to offer to make any more cookies for anything!!! The graduation party this weekend will have cupcakes, brought by the mom of the other grad, and I don't like cake so that won't be an issue at all.

    I'm up a couple pounds......... can't be real weight gain cuz I've been eating very little, and the little cookie dough I had couldn't possibly have caused it, so it must be just water. I have had a little more salt over the last few days, and I've been drinking a lot of water. I think yesterday I had 5 or six large glasses of water over the day.

    I'm not seeing any difference since starting the Armour. I think I might have to up the dose. I'm seeing her again on the 17th of July, so maybe she'll adjust my dose then. As for the adrenal support stuff - I'm sure that is a slow process and I shouldn't be expecting to see much there.

    I haven't had the energy to get out for a walk this week at all. Sunday we took the 10 mile bike ride, and I was feeling great --- then I started having daily nibbles on that dang cookie dough and I know thats why I have been so sluggish and heavy feeling all week. Sometimes I'm so stupid. I just start feeling really good, and then I sabatouge it by putting some poison in my mouth! GRRR -- I'm really mad at myself today.

    Seems to be a quiet day on the forum today. I might be getting a little addicted here........ I start my day with MDA to see whats new with everyone. And then I come back after work to see if anything has changed......... and then I usually blabber a bit much and bore everyone!

    Tomorrow is house cleaning day to prepare for the grad party on Sunday. Luckily the weather is supposed to be really nice so we are planning to have it outside in the sunshine and warmth! That will keep little ones from smashing food into the carpets! Curry tends to stain something aweful! I'm still struggling with this whole event........ oldest step daughter thrives on the being the center of attention, so hopefully having this a joint grad party and having to share the spotlight will take a bit of the "ALL ABOUT ME" out of her. Hopefully.

    Better get myself to work.........

    Last edited by tomi; 06-14-2012 at 12:51 PM.
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    my motivation

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