FWIW, a couple of my own children have apologized to me, in tears, for what they put us through, and at least one more has made it clear that perspectives have changed... The other two were the relatively easy ones, LOL! It could still happen, you know.
The prayer of St. Francis might be helpful here: Lord, make me a channel of your love... When my own love is insufficient for the demands, I ask God to make me a pipeline for his. After all, he has loved me so often when I didn't deserve it. It's okay to acknowledge that she doesn't deserve the good treatment she has gotten, but giving her what she deserves isn't going to accomplish much. Having said that, I quite understand that limiting contact is a wise thing. There are people I do that with too.
And you might consider setting some boundaries with the parents of those kids. I know it's a very hard thing to do, but asking them ahead of time to control their kids so that hopefully you won't have to have your carpets professionally cleaned might be an idea. Then again, it might not... It certainly wouldn't hurt them to take responsibility for their kids. Or set them a small table in the kitchen or wherever and insist that they eat only there. Or something. This can be done sweetly. I find that when asking somebody something awkward like that, it works very well to start with "Could you do me a favour?" and smile a lot. People react badly to condemnation, but usually respond well to that. Depending on the age of the kids, you could even explain it to them, the problems it causes you when they spill their food on the carpet, so could they please eat here at the counter or the place of your choosing. My two-year-old grandson now happily replaces all the tight elastics I put on my cupboard and drawer knobs because I told him we had to protect his little brother. Before he just thought it was fun to take them off, but once he understood the reason, he started thinking it was fun to put on extras. Just to say that appealing directly to kids, even very young ones, can work wonderfully if they feel respected and complicit, instead of scolded.
5'2", 55 years, Primal since April. Pre-Primal weight loss, from 216.6 to 157.8
Primal low: 140.2 (Dec. 3) Goal weight: 135?
Main Primal goal: beating back my CFS enough to function more normally and start writing again
More and more, our life has been governed by specialists, who know too little of what lies outside their province to be able to know enough about what takes place within it.
- Lewis Mumford