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Thread: Fibromyalgia and Fat - Tomi's story page 336

  1. #3351
    tomi's Avatar
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    I'm so tired I could just fall asleep sitting in this chair!!! I made an apt to take Zeus to the groomer in 2 hours so I don't think a nap is in the plans for the day.

    We have a storm upon us again in the PacNW. Weather channel said the rains should start about 1:00, so I got out about 9:30 and mowed the yard I did some more fall clean up around the garden as well. It was sprinking for about an hour before I came in the house. Quit about 12:15, showered and then made a huge bowl of sautéed shrimp! Nothing better then buttery shrimp cooked just until the butter starts to get crispy! YUM! I may have eaten too much as I feel over full. There was just under a pound of pre-cooked shrimp left from hubbys trip and it needed to be eaten so it wouldn't spoil -- it made a wonderful lunch! I LOVE SHRIMP! And its very good for you.

    Now I must get some chores done............. blah!

    Weekend activities -- taking 2 tons of pellets to MIL and stacking them in the garage. Possibly a movie out (?), maybe dinner out (?) --- and a lot of relaxing and enjoying having my hubby home. Next 2 weekends we'll be on the boat, then our trip to Arizona, then one more weekend on the boat --- then she comes home for the winter and will have a little bit of work done.

    better to get my chores
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  2. #3352
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    Haven't eaten so great this weekend. Hubby wanted me to make zucchini bread yesterday - I can't resist a warm piece of zucchini bread - so, wheat and sugar there. Then he made a Portuguese Pork dish last night so I ate about a cup of basmati rice. I'm feeling okay - but weight was up a little this morning.

    Back to LR in the morning. If hubby would just eat what I want life would be so much easier. I could have said no to the bread and rice........... so, not blaming him - just saying it would be easier if we were on the same page.
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    my motivation

  3. #3353
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    Oh man tomi do I relate!!! It is very hard to cook two separate meals, or one meal where I can eat the meat but not the starch. I also can't really afford to buy my food separately from his. I buy a few things extra for me, but not a lot. So I do the best I can. It can be very frustrating. I mentioned to him recently that I could help him feel better & help his joint pain, but he would need to modify his diet. Well that went over like a lead balloon. It would be wonderful if he would be on the same page but it ain't gonna happen. He still wants his cookies/cakes/pies/ice cream/chips & dips. Mil was a food nazi when he was growing up. She was big into healthy stuff/vitamins & herbs etc. They weren't allowed to have candy (only on rare occasions) & not even cereal. Chips? No way. NO soda's either. She occasionally made a cake or pie. She was/is not a terribly good cook...never made rice...potatoes...Mac & cheese etc, only on the extremely rare occasion. Just a meat (usually fried & from their own cow) & a vegi, but only if it came from his grandpa's garden. So when we got married (at 19) & he was introduced to my world of eating/cooking he was blown away! I cook like I was raised...a meat, starch, & vegi's. Growing up we had cereal's (cap'n crunch or cocoa crispies were my favorite), mom bought a bag of candy occasionally. She was not a big baker but would make a cake sometimes. We had chips & sometimes she'd make or buy dip. My parents had lots of friends & the guys would get together to play music (my father played guitar & steel guitar & I played guitar) so there was always plenty of foods/snack things when the families got together. Again he was amazed. His parents didn't have friends & never socialized. He led a very sheltered life, poor thing. Soooo I guess he got spoiled quick. He should be big as a barn but he has a high metabolism thank goodness. He's probably about 25 pounds over his ideal weight. He has also always had very physical jobs...so that's helped. So when I bring up "healthy" things he shuts down, cause he got that all the time when he was growing up. So I guess I understand where he's coming from.

    You know sometimes the way we were raised can still affect us when we get old!!! ;p
    Last edited by theprimalcajun; 09-29-2013 at 07:40 PM.
    Goal: Don't worry be happy!

  4. #3354
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    Another pellet workout! Good for you.

  5. #3355
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    Good morning, Tomi. I hope you had a good weekend.
    Primal since March 5, 2012
    SW: 221 | CW: 182 | LPW: 166 | UGW: 140 (80 lbs loss)




  6. #3356
    tomi's Avatar
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    Good morning all!

    Weekend was really good - but I made some poor food (and drink) choices. I got a little workout in moving the pellets. I suppose I moved 1 ton since we had a helper. Hubby moved the bags to the back on the trailer and BIL and I moved them from the trailer to the stack in the garage. I think I tweaked my back a little.

    Weight is back up to 190 this morning - not surprising as I ate wheat, sugar and drank rum over the weekend. Bad choices reaps bad results.

    My tummy is not great today either. Not full blown diarrhea, and very little pain - but I have certainly had a complete evacuation!

    We've had wind and rain for 3 days straight! The banana plants are shredded!

    Tomorrow morning I see the doc to talk about bio-identical hormones. I am ready to give them a try! About 3 weeks ago I ran out of all the herbal stuff I was taking for the hot flashes and now they are back with the vengeance! Time for some serious business to get things in balance again.

    MIL is turning 90 on Oct 11. So - family gathering is being planned for the 12th. Big Curry Feast in the works.
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  7. #3357
    Pedidoc's Avatar
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    Hope you have a productive doctor's visit.
    Female 53
    Starting wt: 198, Goal: 135, Current with PB: 160
    Started at a size 16 down to loose 10

    With PB my asthma has improved, low back pain is gone, & I've got more energy

    My Primal Journal: http://www.marksdailyapple.com/forum/thread60175.html

  8. #3358
    tomi's Avatar
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    Thanks, Pedidoc - me too! I'm hoping for a LIFT. I'm hoping for an emotional lift. I'm hoping to ease these night sweats. I'm hoping to lose weight.

    I ate light yesterday and I'm going to continue to eat light as long as I'm not feeling an overwhelming emptiness in my stomach. I will continue to start the day with a protein dense breakfast then eat lightly for the remainder of the day.

    Mood: very low. Yes, feeling depressed. This is the first time I have felt an emotional impact since entering menopause.

    Need to work through some deep emotional stuff so this might get pretty heavy and deep -- just a warning..........

    Had a dream about the ex last night, again. I left that relationship without closure and it has haunted me. We were divorced in June 2000, lived at housemates until June 2001. An arrangement we made so our son would not be a child living out of a suitcase, bouncing between moms house and dads house. It was tense and uncomfortable - but about the same as it was the entire length of our marriage of 18 years. I married a man I barely knew, but who had been a small part of my life since I was 5 years old. He was 14 years my senior - and had dated my oldest sister for a year before enlisting in the Army. After they broke up he remained a family friend, but we only saw him about once a year. He was someone I felt safe with, someone I trusted. When I was 21, and had just lost the love of my life (now hubby) John came back into my life again. Only this time he wanted to date me. I was 21, he was 35. It was a whirlwind "romance". We were engaged within 3 weeks of our first date, married 5 months later. He was a trucker, so I only saw him on the weekends. Our time together was very limited. I knew on my wedding day I was making a mistake because all I could think about was hubby........ when was he going to show up and stop me from doing this.......... why isn't he here? .............I decided if he didn't show I would go through with it, I mean, everyone was there, waiting for a wedding to begin. I wanted to run, but I felt trapped. So I went through with it. I sat through the reception like I had just attended a funeral - John and I didn't even speak to each other until it was time to leave. It was a sad day. I still felt I was with someone I could trust and someone who would never leave me. That didn't exactly play out the way I expected.

    I had a very bad history with men - men leave. My dad died when my mom was 3 months pregnant with me. He lived a very reckless life, and according to my mom, he always said he wouldn't live past the age of 35. His self-told prophesy came true - he died in an alcohol related accident at the age of 34. I grew up fatherless and my reality was men leave. When I was 16 my beloved Granddad passed away. Then I lost my first boyfriend, a few almost boyfriends, and then at the age of 20 I lost my best friend, soulmate, my first love, my true love (my now husband). I married on the rebound, and made the biggest mistake of my life. I learned to love him, and tried very hard to be the best wife I possibly could. But the marriage was all surface, all a delicate act. One day the veil came down and the emptiness of the relationship was too much to bare. Counseling changed nothing - divorce was the only answer. But I didn't believe in divorce unless there was an act of infidelity or physical abuse. And I struggled deeply with the choice we made. We found a para-legal who drew up the papers, we went to the court house together to file for divorce. We ended it just as cleanly as we had started it 18 years earlier.

    I haven't figured out how to reconcile that choice and how to forgive myself for making the mistake of marrying him in the first place. I knew I wasn't in love with him - but I didn't know what else to do. Now - today I am married to the man I have always loved - my best friend, my soulmate, my first love, my true love. Why does the past keep coming back to haunt me? It gets me in my dreams. I need to release the shame and guilt I feel over that relationship. I'm happy and 100% content where I am now - I certainly have no longings to be back in that horribly life sucking void - but, I compromised my values by ending that marriage and that's what I struggle with now.

    I do believe I was meant to be married to the man that I am now married to. He was my intended mate from the beginning - and I believe that God set things right, when the time was right. Hubby's first marriage ended in 1999 due to her having an affair - mine was in the process of ending at that same time. We lived 500 miles apart, and didn't know what was happening in each others lives. Hubby called some people and found someone who had my phone number. We had not spoken in 20 years. But once we started talking - there was no turning back. I knew the minute I set my eyes on him for the first time that I was still in love with him - because that empty place in my heart was instantly filled again. I was home. We had 18 months of a long distance relationship - then I and my son moved back home to Oregon. Four months later we were married.

    Things happen for a reason. We are both different people because of the lives we lived with other people -- and it has made us better together. We celebrate 12 years of marriage on the 13th of October. It hasn't always been easy, but its been right. And since the girls moved out - it has been pure bliss! The past 2 years have been peaceful and we have settled in to our one-ness.

    So when do I stop being haunted by the past?

    My ex is growing older - he turned 67 in July. He lives in New Mexico with his 3rd wife. He has no contact with our son. I have tried to stay in touch through the years to keep him informed on whats happening with our son. Yesterday I was going to send him an email and found I had deleted his address from my contacts list. I remember a few months back I realized I needed to stop being the go between for him. Maybe that's why I had the dream last night. He was in my subconscious mind.
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  9. #3359
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    I don't have answers for you, Tomi. Just [[hugs]]. I think your decision to not be the middleman is wise. Your son can reach out if he wants to and your ex is certainly capable of doing the same. It's not your responsibility.
    Journal on depression/anxiety
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  10. #3360
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    Tomi - for what it's worth, I believe everything happens for a reason. While your first marriage was not ideal, you got your son and an appreciation for a great marriage and now hubby out of it. If you had married hubby first, who knows how it would have played out. Put your first marriage in a box and hand it over to God. Once it's handed over, you can't take it back!
    Female 53
    Starting wt: 198, Goal: 135, Current with PB: 160
    Started at a size 16 down to loose 10

    With PB my asthma has improved, low back pain is gone, & I've got more energy

    My Primal Journal: http://www.marksdailyapple.com/forum/thread60175.html

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