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Thread: Fibromyalgia and Fat - Tomi's story page 249

  1. #2481
    honeybuns's Avatar
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    If he's anything like my hubby, he really doesn't feel that way about you but knows what buttons to push. You wouldn't believe some of the crap my hubs has said to and about me when something else entirely was bothering him. I do understand the attacked and wounded. Keep in mind, though, that there may be something else going on in his life that he hasn't shared with you yet.

    You and I should run away for a weekend.........regroup. I'll pick you up on my way south??
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  2. #2482
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    Tomi, I'm sorry you are feeling hurt. Does your hubby know the impact his words had on you? If not I think the first step is to tell him, in an ownership way, how his words affected you.

    It's hard to give input on what may or not be something that you can/need to work on (I see labeling things as a flaw as counterproductive) without knowing what was said. But I think we "know" when a nerve/button has been pushed.Given that, we can fix the button or learn to not give the button and its pusher power.

    Also, could it be that your hubby feels threaten by the changes you are making and is lashing out in an attempt to get things back to his comfort zone?

  3. #2483
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    In my experience, if someone attacks me, or tries to pick a fight with me, it is usually about that person, and really has nothing to do with me.

    That's not to say it doesn't hurt. I'm sorry you're going through this, and I hope you can resolve this. Please don't take his language and use it to hurt yourself further. You are making positive changes in your life that positively affect your health, which clearly come from a place of love. Keep on loving yourself and growing. You're doing great.
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  4. #2484
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    He's a good guy............ but sometimes he gets all defensive over the simplest things.
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  5. #2485
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    Quote Originally Posted by honeybuns View Post
    You and I should run away for a weekend.........regroup. I'll pick you up on my way south??
    I so could not keep up with you!
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  6. #2486
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    Quote Originally Posted by marcadav View Post
    Tomi, I'm sorry you are feeling hurt. Does your hubby know the impact his words had on you? If not I think the first step is to tell him, in an ownership way, how his words affected you.

    It's hard to give input on what may or not be something that you can/need to work on (I see labeling things as a flaw as counterproductive) without knowing what was said. But I think we "know" when a nerve/button has been pushed.Given that, we can fix the button or learn to not give the button and its pusher power.

    Also, could it be that your hubby feels threaten by the changes you are making and is lashing out in an attempt to get things back to his comfort zone?
    I think he does feel a little threatened. He seems to like saying, "Its never enough for you is it?" GRRR........... I don't like being made out to be the nagging shrew.
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  7. #2487
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    So very sorry, Tomi. I hope you and hubby can work out whatever is trying to bring problems.

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  8. #2488
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    Sorry. I know what that feels like.

  9. #2489
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    Yesterday I was so depressed. When hubby got home from work I barely spoke to him - I told him I was just very tired. I busied myself with some much needed filing and organization of business stuff. I pretended to not wake up when he got up this morning - but then rushed downstairs and opened the garage door to get his attention before he pulled out of the driveway. I'm not mad at him...........I'm just very hurt and saddened by his words and apparent thoughts and feelings about me. I need to let him know how deeply his words hurt me. I just don't know how to do it.

    I ate poorly yesterday. I had 2 small cereal bars, and a few bites of brown sugar. Grapes, 3 eggs, a smoked pork chop and zucchini threads was the only healthy food I ate. I felt nauseous all night and my feet were swollen and burning (fibro flare) from the sugar and grains. I think the grapes should be included in the poor choice category as well since they are so full of sugar. My weight was UP this morning. Not sure how it could be up several pounds when I ate so little - but there you have it - shows what inflammation can do when the wrong stuff goes in the pie whole. GRRR!! Now I'm angry at myself. I'm actually up 6.5 pounds from when I hit that low of 178 nine days ago. I have made some bad choices so I guess I can't say I don't know why. Its certainly NOT 6.5 pounds of true gained weight............. its 6.5 pounds of inflammation and bloat. I see it in my face. My eyes are puffy. My ring was tight when I took it off before bed last night. Even with the poor food choices I've made I know I haven't eaten enough calories to cause a true weight gain.

    Time to get back on track. Time to get back to the basics.
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  10. #2490
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    Step 1 is "Hubby, I want to talk to you about the other night. I felt very hurt by what you said and I need you to know that."

    If he has any decency, step 2 is his apology and the rest is a conversation about what happened and what needs to change (in terms of behavior and communication from either of you so this doesn't happen again). I have done the avoidance thing with Hulky and it just makes it worse for me. He often goes on like nothing is wrong and doesn't know I was upset unless I specifically say something!
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