Fibromyalgia and Fat - Tomi's story page 113

[Sabine]

Hey, with not having to pay your mortgage for two months, wouldn't that be more than enough to rent a space for Thanksgiving?

[jenn26point2]

My inlaws just lined up various tables in the basement for a very long time. Nobody cared if the decor was grey cement, LOL! We strung up a few decorations and enjoyed ourselves.

This is what I would do... but I also have the luxury of renting out a couple of bays at a local fire department for free since my dad is the chief. I would probably go with the fire department first, and basement second. If your basement is relatively decent (like not finished, but not totally gross and just needs a good sweeping) this might be a good option... It would work great for us b/c our basement is a 28x56 rectangle!

Hey, with not having to pay your mortgage for two months, wouldn't that be more than enough to rent a space for Thanksgiving?

Good call, Sabine!! But I think she made plans for that money already.

[tomi]

Well - entertaining Angels unawares is a good way to look at it I'm settling in with the idea of being over crowded and having uninvited guests. We'll make it work. I talked to my neices MIL and they are struggling with the same issue. The sister and her 4 kids are coming to their gatherings also - not family, and not invited. She says they are wondering if they are expected to buy the 4 non-family children gifts for Christmas too. Just to make this clear........... the neice who has her sister and 4 kids living with them is my husbands nephews wife -- so the sister is in NO way related to our family - or her MIL's family. Her MIL is the ex-wife of my husbands brother, and she now has a new husband and family. How's that for "clear" ????? anyway......... I am told that the sister and 4 kids are going to be finding their own place to live by next summer - so the MIL says they are just trying to ride it out until then. Everyone is making "room" because they have no other option and just waiting for the living arrangement to change.

I should be hospitible about it all.......... and I would be had I INVITED them!!!! but it DIDN'T! Okay - I still have a little bit of anger to deal with...........

Weight is still 183.2 GRRRRR!!!!! Last night I cooked a HUGE platter of roasted veggies. My plate was 2/3s veggies. I ate maybe 1 ounce of chicken cuz I filled up on the veggies. they were very good! But we both decided that we've given brussel sprouts a good try and both don't like them so much. So, I won't be buying them again.

We are wrestling with what to do with the mortgage money......... to be responsible adults we feel we should put it into our IRAs. But I really want to save it for remodeling the bathroom or kitchen. I hate money issues. Its that time of year again when I have to start preparing for tax time - gathering papers - making phone calls. I also have to assess where we are with end of year finances for the business. We are an S-corp so any morey that is in the account on Dec. 31 is considered profit and we have to pay taxes on it. So we try to drain to account as much as possible by putting money into our IRAs, paying our workers Christmas bonuses, paying off any outstanding business loans, etc. Its a guessing game of sorts........... how much needs to remain in the account to cover payroll and bills come January? It makes my head spin and causes all kinds of stress! Maybe thats part of my stagnant weight problem.............. STRESS!!

I also need to start making plans for our Feb. 5th wheel trip to the southern Oregon coast. UGH........... Better tell my boss I'm going to be gone that week. I also found out the last week of Dec I will have VERY FEW hours - since the bookkeeper is going to be gone my boss says I don't need to do any deposits - so I just need to sort the mail, and distribute important stuff - like lab results and other test results to the docs. I guess that leaves cashbox tallying to me so will have to do that daily. I will just prepare everything as I normally do - but not total all the money and prepare the deposit. No bank runs for that week!

blah blah blah........... I'm rambling. I should go walk - but now its raining........ ARG!

[tomi]

I have been following Paleobirds journal and read today that her father has passed on. I feel so aweful for her.

[Pedidoc]

Tomi -
Taking a break from my paper to say hang in there. You are doing so well! Stress does raise cortisol levels which makes us hold onto weight, so you are probably right that the Thanksgiving event isn't helping. I know it's easier said then done, but try and let it go. Okay, back to my last two pages.......

[Judg]

As you did it unto the least of these... I mean, what is your nephew supposed to do, leave them sitting at home?

[tomi]

Thanks, Pedidoc --- I think I'm just having an off day! Sorta in a slump.

For many reasons the holidays and the end of the year are very stressful for me. I won't bore you with the details.......

Judg - I've thought about that too. But the gathering is not even happening ON thanksgiving - we are having our gathering on Friday evening. So its not like they would be left home on Thanksgiving. I think the part that bugs me the most is that they didn't even ask if they could bring FIVE more people. Maybe I'm really more upset that her sister isn't saying "it's a family gathering, I'm not going be a party crasher". I wouldn't assume I was invited to a family gathering when its not my family -- its just rude I think. Honestly - my neice probably has absolutely no clue that its just not okay to do this. I love her dearly and wouldn't want her to feel badly. I'm pretty much into the "dealing with it" phase. We'll manage and everything will be fine. We will be gracious hosts and make them feel welcome.

I was craving brownies when I left work today.......... nearly stopped at the store to buy a mix. But I didn't. Instead I came home and ate some cold chicken, almond butter and a little brown sugar. I'm currently on my second cup of tea with honey. Breakfast was also almond butter. Not eating very good today. Dinner will be a hamburger patty I think. I'm not sure -- I don't want more chicken. Maybe dinner will be breakfast - eggs scrambled with bacon and cheese - and hashed browns I could even cook the rest of the ground beef and mix it in with some red onions and peppers too! Yummy! Have to see what hubby thinks about that.

My son is making arrangements to see another house. The one he offered on didn't work out. Seems the owners are chin deep in debt on that one and they pretty much have to get full asking price to clear things. I imagine we will look at some this weekend. I hope he finds something soon cuz I'm getting frustrated with him! It will be interesting to see him managing his own household - he's never even lived on his own. I'm sure he'll be fine - but I think he's going to need some hand holding for a while until he figures it all out. He's very responsible with money so I'm not concerned with that - but I still have to remind him to clean his bathroom! He's basically lazy by nature....... so I expect his housekeeping and yard maintenance my suffer a bit. Bottom line - he's 26 and its time for him to move out! As I've said numerous times in this journal. I'm getting tired of waiting for him to move out!

Tomorrow is mom day. I haven't hemmed her pants yet - I will have to do that tonight. Shouldn't take that long - 3 pairs of pants and I have the inseam measurement. I just don't want to do it.

[tomi]

I posted this in the she-groks thread - but thought it was worth putting in my journal too.

Aging is weird isn't it? I had a hard time turning 30 - but thats the only number that really bothered me. I have had a hard time watching my face change, and my body sage. I had a pretty lousy self-esteem in my younger years, and I always felt my only good asset was my looks -- no beauty queen - but I was not ugly either. I remember finding my first grey hair! I almost cried! My ex husband was 14 years my senior so growing old "with" him was never an option - when we got married he was already 35 and to my 21 he already looked old! I thought I needed to stay looking young to be attractive to him. We divorced when I was 40 and he confessed that he had never been in love with me anyway. Now I'm married to a man my same age and growing old together is just a hoot! We laugh at the changes we are going through. I still don't want to look like an old woman though - even though I know he will still love me - I mean, gaining 75 pounds didn't hinder his love for me - so why should a few wrinkles and a white head of hair? You know what I hate MOST about the changes in my body? My belly! You know that wonderful saggy under the belly button thing? I remember watching Mrs. Doubtfire when Robin Williams was putting on the body suit -- I almost died! I thought............. oh my heavens.......... thats what I look like! UGH! My husband says I'm pretty damn sexy --- I don't see it. I see grossness when I look in the mirror. I'm hoping I will find peace with my aging body when I get the rest of this blubber off me and can look in the mirror and say, "okay, thats not so bad for a woman my age". I want to be able to accept that when my husband tells me I'm beautiful and sexy --- he's not just hoping to get lucky!

People tell me I don't look anywhere near my age -- they don't see me without makeup and just crawling out of bed in the morning! and they don't see me nekid!

Okay - I'm done rambling now.

[Judg]

Well, it's simple enough. To your hubby, you are more than your belly. FWIW, mine is probably much worse. Five kids, two surgeries... I'll spare you the details.

You are more than the sum of your flaws, you know. Your hubby knows that. He sees the beautiful things more than the flaws. And most men are wise enough not to think that a 20-year-old stick is the height of beauty.

Sometimes I think we were better off when women covered up all the time. We didn't have to live with the incessant comparisons. With Photoshopped images no less.

Here's something to cheer you up a bit: Fotoshop by Adobé on Vimeo

[Siobhan]

I remember the first time I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror and saw...my mother. Now my mother is nice looking, but she is 25 years older than I am. And of course to me she was always "old." I must have been in my late 30's when I realized that as I age I get more and more like her in appearance. Not sure how I feel about that.