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  1. #221
    jenn26point2's Avatar
    jenn26point2 is offline Senior Member
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    I'm sorry you're experiencing trouble with DS1. I hear ODD can be pretty tough to deal with. And I agree that keeping DS1 home because of school not only punishes him, it punishes you and your sister. We're going through that now with our DS. When he's naughty at school (he's in preschool) his dad says he should not be allowed to do certain things our family does on weekends (like watching DH race), and that's all fine and dandy if I can find a sitter to watch DS, but if I can't, I have to stay home with him and that punishes me too b/c I don't get to go to the races and have fun either. DH and I have argued over this many times and have not yet found an ideal solution.

    I'm glad DS2 had a good time with his class.
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  2. #222
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    Candy, so sorry you have to go through this. I have five children and some of them were smooth as silk, and some put us through hell.

    Is homeschooling a realistic option for you? That has sometimes worked very well in these kinds of situations. Unstructured, individualized learning might help him turn the corner.
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  3. #223
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    Hi Judg, homeschooling isn't really much of an option here in Belgium, and specially after 6th grade it gets really difficult, there are no curricula available. Last year we were considering moving to the US (Philadelphia) for DH's job, and I did consider homeschooling there, but not for DS1 either. Right now he just can't be bothered with working, he just wants to have fun. I can't even get him to make his homework *sigh*. He's going to a technical school now (graphics and printing) and I'm thinking to have him go to a professional school (I don't know what it's called over there, it's the kind of school were you don't get much to study, but they learn a job) next year.
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  4. #224
    Candy in Wonderland's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by jenn26point2 View Post
    I'm sorry you're experiencing trouble with DS1. I hear ODD can be pretty tough to deal with. And I agree that keeping DS1 home because of school not only punishes him, it punishes you and your sister. We're going through that now with our DS. When he's naughty at school (he's in preschool) his dad says he should not be allowed to do certain things our family does on weekends (like watching DH race), and that's all fine and dandy if I can find a sitter to watch DS, but if I can't, I have to stay home with him and that punishes me too b/c I don't get to go to the races and have fun either. DH and I have argued over this many times and have not yet found an ideal solution.

    I'm glad DS2 had a good time with his class.
    How naughty can a kid be in preschool ? Is punishing him working at all?
    My Journal: Candy in Primal Wonderland
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    Goal for 2012: keep weight steady (+/- 74 kg): check
    Goal for 2013: lose 10 kg and keep new weight (+/- 65 kg)

  5. #225
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    Quote Originally Posted by Candy in Wonderland View Post
    How naughty can a kid be in preschool ? Is punishing him working at all?
    He does typical little boy things - not picking up toys when told, pushing his friends, ignoring the teacher's instructions, acting out when he's bored. Typical 5 year old defiance. We have tried different approaches with him. His teacher does a color chart with all the kids: green means good, yellow means he was warned repeatedly, and red means he was pretty much out of control or hit a friend/pushed a friend, etc. We tolerate yellow b/c all kids are going to have a day when they don't listen the greatest. But red is pretty much unacceptable because his teacher cuts him breaks and I know he had to do something pretty significant or be warned way too many times if he's gotten a red mark.

    All this week (today is yet to be declared) he got green. If he gets green again today, DH and I are going to reward him with a new toy. We congratulate him daily if he gets green and tell him how proud we are of him and how happy we are that he was such a good boy.

    All last week, however, he got yellow, with the exception of Friday, which was red. As such, he was not allowed to go to the races to watch his dad race and since I couldn't find a sitter, I couldn't go either. He was also not allowed to ride his battery operated 4 wheeler, nor is he allowed to go to the park. He has to play at home when he gets red. B/c he was so well behaved on Friday evening, he was allowed to go racing on Saturday, but there were certain stipulations he had to meet - had to take a nap without fighting me was the main one. He went saturday night and was an angel.

    Sometimes it works, other times it doesn't. The trick for us is finding the right "currency" for him that works. I try to praise his good behavior more than punish his bad, but sometimes that doesn't work.

    Good luck with your children. It sounds like you really have your hands full.
    Primal since March 5, 2012
    SW: 221 | CW: 182 | LPW: 166 | UGW: 140 (80 lbs loss)




  6. #226
    Candy in Wonderland's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by jenn26point2 View Post
    All this week (today is yet to be declared) he got green. If he gets green again today, DH and I are going to reward him with a new toy. We congratulate him daily if he gets green and tell him how proud we are of him and how happy we are that he was such a good boy.

    I try to praise his good behavior more than punish his bad, but sometimes that doesn't work.
    I think that is a good approach. It's what I used to do with my kids too when they were smaller.
    My Journal: Candy in Primal Wonderland
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    Goal for 2012: keep weight steady (+/- 74 kg): check
    Goal for 2013: lose 10 kg and keep new weight (+/- 65 kg)

  7. #227
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    Quote Originally Posted by jenn26point2 View Post
    All this week (today is yet to be declared) he got green. If he gets green again today, DH and I are going to reward him with a new toy. We congratulate him daily if he gets green and tell him how proud we are of him and how happy we are that he was such a good boy.

    I try to praise his good behavior more than punish his bad, but sometimes that doesn't work.
    I think that is a good approach. It's what I used to do with my kids too when they were smaller.
    My Journal: Candy in Primal Wonderland
    My Blog: Candy in Wonderland
    Goal for 2012: keep weight steady (+/- 74 kg): check
    Goal for 2013: lose 10 kg and keep new weight (+/- 65 kg)

  8. #228
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    ((Candy)) Prayers and positive thoughts. We raised 6 kids and they were a handful at times. and I hate to admit that out of 6 there are 3 that are functional, adults that mostly do what they should and don't cause much stress but the other three are a constant source of stress, worry, self doubt, recriminations, guilt and well you get the picture. It seems that no matter how hard we try or hw good of a parent we think we are or were they grow up and become their own person and make decisions based on their wants and desires and we can never even come close to guessing how they will turn out. Do the best you can and pray hard and often!

  9. #229
    winencandy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by jenn26point2 View Post
    He does typical little boy things - not picking up toys when told, pushing his friends, ignoring the teacher's instructions, acting out when he's bored. Typical 5 year old defiance. We have tried different approaches with him. His teacher does a color chart with all the kids: green means good, yellow means he was warned repeatedly, and red means he was pretty much out of control or hit a friend/pushed a friend, etc. We tolerate yellow b/c all kids are going to have a day when they don't listen the greatest. But red is pretty much unacceptable because his teacher cuts him breaks and I know he had to do something pretty significant or be warned way too many times if he's gotten a red mark.

    All this week (today is yet to be declared) he got green. If he gets green again today, DH and I are going to reward him with a new toy. We congratulate him daily if he gets green and tell him how proud we are of him and how happy we are that he was such a good boy.

    All last week, however, he got yellow, with the exception of Friday, which was red. As such, he was not allowed to go to the races to watch his dad race and since I couldn't find a sitter, I couldn't go either. He was also not allowed to ride his battery operated 4 wheeler, nor is he allowed to go to the park. He has to play at home when he gets red. B/c he was so well behaved on Friday evening, he was allowed to go racing on Saturday, but there were certain stipulations he had to meet - had to take a nap without fighting me was the main one. He went saturday night and was an angel.

    Sometimes it works, other times it doesn't. The trick for us is finding the right "currency" for him that works. I try to praise his good behavior more than punish his bad, but sometimes that doesn't work.

    Good luck with your children. It sounds like you really have your hands full.
    Speaking from experience, a week is a REALLY LONG TIME when you are 5
    He might do better with a daily "treat", even if it's a play at the park, or something else small and immediate.
    "Be careful what you pretend to be because you are what you pretend to be." Kurt Vonnegut
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    Winencandy

  10. #230
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    Hmmm, it's a good thing I'm going to take part in the CrossFit Summer Challenge, because my eating is NOT going well. I've been baking yesterday and today, because this afternoon we'll have the family here to celebrate DH's birthday with cake. I've made 2 grain-free cakes (frangipane and almond-orange), a cheesecake (that has grains in the crumble, but not in the filling) and a traditional sponge-cake filled with whipped cream and strawberries (I'll have to make this for my final exam on May 9th, so I thought it was a good exercise):



    After I filled the sponge cake I had a bowl of leftover strawberries with a very large dollop of whipped cream . And I'm planning on having a piece of both orange-cake and cheesecake (but without the crust!) this afternoon. And as of tomorrow I'll go sugar-free again for the next 2 months. I'll start logging my foods again too, I'll have to do it anyway for the CF Summer Challenge.

    Today's foods so far (lunch in half an hour):
    B: cup of coffee with coconut milk
    S: bowl of strawberries, 1/2 cup whipped cream (with a little white sugar in it) and dark chocolate shavings
    L: spaghetti squash with my bolognese sauce
    My Journal: Candy in Primal Wonderland
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    Goal for 2012: keep weight steady (+/- 74 kg): check
    Goal for 2013: lose 10 kg and keep new weight (+/- 65 kg)

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